


more of us

by Spikedluv



Series: Accidental Baby [1]
Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Community: smallfandombang, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-24 15:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10744716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spikedluv/pseuds/Spikedluv
Summary: Jude and Zero have broken up because Jude doesn’t want to hide their relationship anymore, but when Zero calls with an emergency – someone left a baby she claims is his daughter on his doorstep – Jude rushes over to help and finds himself getting sucked back into Zero’s life.  Jude tries to extricate himself, but only manages to sink deeper.  Will he and Zero be able to mend things, or will Jude get his heart broken again?





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Small Fandoms Bang on LJ/DW.
> 
> Thanks so much to MistressKat for the lovely cover and illustration she created for this fic! I love them both so much. I've included the art in the fic, but you should check out her art post [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10762509) and tell her how much you like them.
> 
> Posted: April 29, 2017
> 
> Everything we’re going through is only gonna make more of us, not less. ~Jude
> 
> (I came across this GIF set of [that scene](http://mareluna3001.tumblr.com/post/146037883441/i-know-youre-pissed-and-i-dont-blame-you-you) just after I finished coding, so I thought I’d include the link.)
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 

Jude had felt the phone vibrate in his pocket while he was in the meeting with his boss, but he’d had to ignore it. He was in some kind of sports agent purgatory – no longer Zero’s main guy, not quite a junior agent anymore – and so he had to be especially on the ball so he could make up ground and prove he was still a useful member of the agency.

Jude withdrew the cell now as he walked back to his office and checked the screen; a missed call and a voice mail as well as a text. Jude huffed when he saw that the missed call was from Zero. He opened the text, which was also from Zero. The message merely said _911_.

Jude shook his head in aggravation and wondered what Zero had gotten himself into now from which he needed Jude’s help extricating himself. Still, there was a twinge of concern that Jude almost hated himself for feeling. Zero was a grown man who could handle his own shit. Besides, it was probably just something orchestrated by Zero to suck Jude back in.

Jude dialed his voice mail, prepared to erase the message without listening to it, but he hesitated when he heard Zero’s voice and he ended up listening to the message all the way through. Zero sounded a little bit rattled, but not as bad as that night when he’d learned that Jelena had betrayed him and he’d lost the reputation he’d worked so hard to build, even if it had been built on lies. When he was prompted, Jude listened to the message again, and then disconnected the call without deleting the message.

The entire drive out to Zero’s condo, Jude berated himself for being all kinds of a fool to be drawn into whatever drama Zero was involved in now, even when he stood on the doorstep outside Zero’s front door, but he couldn’t help himself. Jude had his keys in his hand still and was sorting through them for the one to Zero’s condo when he realized what he was doing.

Right then Jude considered leaving, and he got down two steps before the sound of Zero’s voice when he’d left the message stopped him. _Hey, Jude. I know you’re not talking to me, or whatever, but I need your help. It’s . . . well, you’ll see when you get here. I . . . please._

Jude thought it was the ‘please’ that did it. Or maybe the way Zero had tried (and failed) to sound unaffected by the fact that Jude wasn’t talking to him. Or maybe it was the fact that the sound of Zero’s voice reminded Jude how much he missed him.

Angry with himself, at his own inability to let it go, Jude stomped back up the steps and knocked on the door harder than necessary, then pushed the doorbell for good measure. A few moments later, the door was pulled open to reveal a harried, but otherwise calm, Zero.

Jude didn’t know what to think about that.

“Jude,” Zero said, as if he hadn’t expected to find Jude standing on his doorstep.

Before either of them could speak, there was a sound from further inside the condo that made Zero glance over his shoulder. “I shouldn’t leave her alone too long. Come in, please.” Zero was moving away from the door already, tossing, “Thank you for coming,” over his shoulder.

Jude couldn’t stop the eye roll even as he stepped into the condo and shut the door behind him. Of course there was a woman involved in whatever mess Zero found himself in now. Jude tried to school his expression to not give away his feelings as he followed Zero. Even so, when he stepped into the kitchen behind Zero, Jude couldn’t hold back the gasp of surprise. “What’s that?” Jude said.

Zero raised an eyebrow. “It’s a baby, Jude.”

Jude gave an exasperated sigh. “I can see that it’s a baby,” he said. “What’s she doing here?”

Zero’s lips tightened as he handed Jude a piece of paper that had been sitting on the island beside the carrier the baby was strapped into, but he smiled when he turned to the baby. “Oh, sure,” he said to her as he placed the bottle he’d set aside back to her mouth, “you’re all smiles now that Jude’s here.”

It was Jude’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “I’m sure the bottle has nothing to do with it.”

The baby gurgled and chewed on the nipple in response.

Zero took the bottle away from her, which made her fuss a little bit even though she hadn’t been sucking on it. He tossed a towel over his shoulder and began to unbuckle her. Jude saw that there were already wet yellow stains on the towel, and a matching one on the white undershirt Zero wore. Which was when Jude realized that Zero was only wearing an undershirt and a pair of boxers.

“She was on my doorstep this morning,” Zero said when Jude mentioned it. “I haven’t had a chance to get dressed.”

Jude had to look away when Zero lifted the baby out of the carrier and laid her over his shoulder. His gaze fell on the paper he held, and so he read it.

_I can’t do this anymore. I know you’ll take care of her. Her name is Emily. She has your eyes and your hair. Sally._

Jude looked at the baby who was chewing her fist and ignoring the pats on her back that were supposed to help her burp. She had blue eyes, and the hair that had come in was blonde with a hint of curl. When Jude pulled his eyes away from her, he met Zero’s gaze.

Jude looked away, saw the letter again, and fell back on business. “Is she yours?”

“No clue,” Zero said. The words came out light, but there was a twitch in the corner of his jaw.

“Do you know this Sally?”

“I don’t remember a Sally,” Zero said. “But that doesn’t mean anything. I spent a lot of time not learning anyone’s name.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jude said, clenching his fingers into the paper so he didn’t reach out and touch the baby’s . . . Emily’s head.

“I want you to help me figure out what I should do,” Zero said.

Jude pulled a stool away from the island and fell into it. “No you don’t,” he said, breathless at the realization. “You’ve already decided to keep her.”

“I can’t keep her,” Zero said, but it sounded weak.

Jude felt like he’d been hit in the chest by a 2x4. He dropped the note back onto the island and reached up to rub the ache between his ribs. “You _want_ to keep her.”

Zero gave Jude a look and scoffed, “I can’t take care of a baby, Jude.”

“You look like you’re doing just fine,” Jude observed.

“I vaguely remember how to heat a bottle, and that a baby needs to be burped or it’ll cry all night, that doesn’t make me capable of taking care of a baby.”

Jude watched the look of pride cross Zero’s face when Emily finally belched.

“Good girl,” Zero said approvingly. He brought her down and cradled her in the crook of one arm as he reached for the bottle with the other hand. Jude waited until Emily was happily suckling at the bottle before he spoke again.

“If you’re not going to keep her, we should call Social Services.”

Zero went tense, then forced himself to relax when Emily sensed it and raised worried eyes to his face. “It’s fine,” Zero said. “You’re alright.” When Emily was suckling again, Zero raised his eyes to Jude and narrowed them. “They’ll put her in the system.”

“Yes,” Jude agreed. “Is that the only reason you want to keep her?”

Zero didn’t answer right away. He looked down at Emily. “I never thought I’d have a kid.” He huffed and gave Jude a look. “It wasn’t in The Plan.”

Jude couldn’t stand it anymore. He slid off the stool and cupped Zero’s face and kissed him. Zero looked surprised when Jude released him and stepped back, leaning against the stool for support more than sitting on it.

“You kiss me _now_?” Zero said, indicating Emily.

“Safer that way,” Jude said, breathless.

“Safer for who?”

“For me,” Jude admitted.

Zero removed the empty bottle from Emily’s mouth and put her against his shoulder again.

“Do you want to have a paternity test?”

“No,” Zero said immediately. “If I don’t have a legal claim to her, they can take her away.” He indicated the note. “If we take her word for it, I have the right to keep her.”

Jude reached out and laid a hand over Zero’s. “What if she comes back in six months, or a year, and says it was all a lie, that she just didn’t have anyone else to leave Emily with?”

“So she chose a guy who was recently involved in a prostitution scandal?” Zero said. He lowered his eyes to Emily. “Doesn’t matter, she needs me now.”

“Did you ask me to come over here to talk you out of it, or to support you?”

“I asked you over to be the voice of reason,” Zero said.

“You’d already made up your mind,” Jude pushed.

“You think it’s stupid.”

“Wild,” Jude said. “Crazy, even, but not stupid.”

Zero raised hopeful eyes to Jude. “You think I can do it?”

“I think you can do anything you set your mind to,” Jude said.

“Couldn’t keep you,” Zero said.

Jude’s throat closed up and he could barely get the words out. “We wanted different things, that’s not your fault.”

“Wanted you,” Zero said.

Jude huffed. “Wanting each other was never the problem.”

Zero nodded, then lowered his gaze to Emily so he wasn’t looking at Jude when he said, “I can’t do it alone.”

Jude’s heart raced and he swallowed hard. He didn’t know if he could do what Zero was asking him to do. Being around him, watching him gently hold Emily, when they were still miles apart on what they wanted out of their relationship, would be too hard. Watching Zero have to give Emily up when Sally inevitably came back for her would be even harder.

Not being there, wondering what Zero was doing, _how_ he was doing, would be the hardest of all. Jude took off his suit jacket and hung it over the back of the stool.

Zero raised his head. “What are you doing?”

Jude held out his arms. “Holding Emily while you take a shower.”

“She hasn’t burped yet,” Zero said without relinquishing her.

“I can pat her back,” Jude said, willing his hands to not shake, because he hadn’t held a baby since he was twelve and his best friend Billy’s older sister got pregnant.

“That’s not . . . . She might spit up on your shirt,” Zero argued.

“I’m sure the dry cleaner will be able to get it out if she does,” Jude said, though he couldn’t hide the twitch at the corner of his eye at the thought of ruining a new shirt.

Zero saw it and laughed softly. “You could always take your shirt off so you don’t ruin it,” he suggested with a gleam in his eyes.

Jude frowned. “Stop trying to get me out of my clothes and hand over the baby.”

Zero got a clean towel for Jude to drape over his shoulder, then carefully set Emily in his arms. While Jude was focused on not dropping Emily, or letting her head fall, Zero leaned in and gave him a kiss.

“Thanks for coming,” Zero said again before Jude could protest the kiss. “You’re the only person I could think of, the only one I’d trust with . . .” Jude heard the unspoken, _Me_. “. . . this.”

Zero was gone before Jude could corral the butterflies in his stomach enough to formulate a response. Emily kicked her feet as if she knew Jude had been distracted, and he rubbed her back.

Jude couldn’t sit still, so he paced the kitchen as he rubbed and patted Emily’s back. This was such a bad idea. He was already in too deep, and it was only going to get worse. Jude stopped at the end of the island where Zero had his laptop set up. He read the lines scribbled on the pad of paper in Zero’s terrible handwriting – it was notes on how to care for a newborn.

Jesus, Jude thought. Zero was really going to do this.

Emily burped so loudly that Jude was afraid to look. He breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled Emily away from his shoulder and saw just a tiny spot of spit up on the towel. “Good girl,” Jude said as he settled Emily back in the carrier. He wiped her mouth with the towel, and then gave her what looked like a set of plastic keys to play with. She closed her tiny fingers around the ring and immediately stuck a key in her mouth.

Jude buckled Emily into the car seat and then sat on the stool near the laptop. He slid over the pad of paper and flipped back. Zero had started making a list of things he’d need, from diapers and formula to clothes and a crib.

Zero appeared while Jude was still staring at the list in a state of shock. He went straight for Emily, tickling her and letting her squeeze his finger, which gave Jude too much time to let his eyes wander. Zero had taken the time to gel his hair, but he’d just combed it back without taking the time to style it. He’d put on a pair of jeans and a soft cotton Henley and he looked so _touchable_.

Jude shook himself out of his reverie when Zero glanced over and noted the pad in Jude’s hand. Instead of apologizing, Jude said, “What did she come with?”

“Whatever’s in that bag,” Zero said, indicating the diaper bag with a tilt of his chin.

Jude got the bag, which was sitting in the basket of a stroller, and emptied it, though he was certain Zero had done the same already. There was some formula, a couple changes of clothes, diapers and wipes, and a few toys. Jude didn’t know how often Emily ate, or pooped, but he doubted any of the supplies would last too long.

“First order of business, diapers and formula?” Jude said, looking to Zero for his response.

Zero was staring intently at Jude, but he glanced away, focusing on Emily when Jude caught him. “Sounds good,” Zero said. “This is why I needed you, your organizational skill,” he added lightly.

Jude raised his eyebrows and indicated the pad. “Looks like you were doing fine without me.”

“Is that what it looks like?” Zero said quietly, almost too softly for Jude to hear.

Jude thought about ignoring it, but for his own peace of mind he couldn’t. “This isn’t about us,” he said. “It can’t be. This is about her.”

“I got it, Jude,” Zero said, almost bitterly. “It’s just business.”

“That’s not . . . I didn’t . . . Whatever,” Jude said. He walked around Zero and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the stool. “I’ll be back.” Jude didn’t wait around to see what Zero would say or do.

~*~

Zero opened the front door as Jude walked up the walkway with a bag of formula in one hand and a bag of diapers under the other arm. Zero wasn’t looking at Jude, but at the silver Lincoln MKZ parked in the driveway.

“Did you trade in your Porsche?”

“It’s a rental,” Jude said, ignoring the tone of Zero’s voice when he’d thought Jude had gotten rid of the Porsche. “We’ll need a vehicle that’s capable of holding a car seat.”

Zero’s expression cleared and he gave Jude a teasing smile. “We?”

“Are you going to let me in?” Jude said, instead of reacting to the teasing.

Zero snagged the bag out of Jude’s hand and stepped back. “She’s asleep,” Zero said as he gave the reusable canvas bag a look.

They carried the purchases to the kitchen. Jude glanced at Emily, asleep in the carrier, as he set the box of diapers on the floor. She was wearing a new pair of pajamas. Jude gave Zero a questioning look.

“Diaper mishap,” Zero said, matter-of-fact, though with a slight wrinkle of his nose. “Wish you’d been here for that.”

Jude wasn’t terribly upset that he’d missed it. “Okay, she’s not gonna go hungry or lack for anything to catch it coming out the other end, so what next?”

“Clothes,” Zero said immediately. “The way she’s going through them with spitting up or crapping through her diaper, I’ll be doing laundry every day to keep her in clean clothes.”

“Okay,” Jude said. “Did you want to do that yourself, or is it alright if I call on a female friend to help?”

“Lionel?” Zero guessed.

“And while she’s picking up a few things, we can talk about what you want to tell everyone.”

“Why do I have to tell anyone anything?” Zero said.

Jude gave Zero a look. “Unless you plan on staying here with her and never leaving, at some point, someone is going to see you with a baby and start asking questions.”

Zero sighed. “I know, but . . . .”

“It’s complicated,” Jude said.

Zero huffed. “Yeah.”

“We should probably bring Lucas in on this,” Jude suggested.

“No!” Zero said immediately.

Jude was surprised by the vehemence of it. “Why not?”

“Because that would make it, I don’t know, official or something, and too many people would be involved in making decisions for her, for me. I don’t want that.”

Jude studied Zero, as if he could determine just by looking at him whether Zero was telling the truth. He was, Jude decided, but maybe not the whole truth. He nodded. “Okay. But they’re going to have to be told at some point. Sooner rather than later. Because if she’s here longer than a few days, you’re going to have to start thinking about things like child care and doctors appointments.”

Zero gave his reluctant agreement.

“Alright,” Jude said. “You think; I’m going to call Lionel.”

Jude walked out of the kitchen as he found Lionel’s information in his contacts.

“Jude,” Lionel said when she answered the call. “I was beginning to think you’d fallen off the face of the earth.”

During the off-season, Jude didn’t have the excuse of Derek and Zero to bring him to the Arena, even if Zero had still been his client. Now that Lionel was heavily involved with Devils’ business, Jude hadn’t seen her very often.

“Sorry,” Jude said. “How are you doing?” he forced himself to ask.

“In my new position, or in general?” Lionel said.

“Either. Both.”

“I’m doing well,” Lionel said. “Brain overload from learning Running a Basketball Team 101, but other than that, well. Which you’d know if you weren’t finding excuses to stay away.”

“I’m not finding excuses to stay away,” Jude said. “It’s the off-season, and you’re not negotiating contracts with either Derek or Zero, so I don’t have an excuse _to_ stop by,” he explained.

“You don’t need an excuse to come see me, Jude,” Lionel said.

Jude sighed. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Lionel said briskly. “Now tell me what you called for.”

Jude winced. “I need a favor.”

“I’m shocked,” Lionel said, not sounding the least bit shocked.

“I need you to do some clothes shopping for me.”

Jude could sense Lionel perking up. “Really? What’s the occasion?”

“The clothes aren’t for me,” Jude corrected quickly. “I just need you to do the sopping on my behalf.”

“You want me to pick out clothes for someone else? A gift? That’s tacky, Jude.”

“No,” Jude said. “Baby clothes.”

The silence that fell after that pronouncement was so heavy Jude could feel it pressing down on him.

“Why do you need baby clothes, Jude?” Lionel said, her voice tight.

“They’re not for me . . . .”

“Jude.”

“Someone dropped a baby off on Zero’s doorstep,” Jude said.

“I feel like I just stepped into a Lifetime movie,” Lionel said, her voice sounding slightly more normal.

Jude huffed. “You have no idea.”

“What do you need?”

“Everything, I guess,” Jude said. “I don’t really know what all a baby needs. She’s got a couple of those onesie things, and a couple changes of pajamas, so maybe enough for a week?”

“What size?”

“We don’t know how old she is, but the tags in the clothes she’s wearing now say 3-6 months,” Jude said.

“Okay, leave it to me,” Lionel said purposefully.

“Thank you, Lionel.” Jude gave her directions to Zero’s place, but before they disconnected, Lionel spoke again.

“What are you doing there, Jude? You’re not Zero’s agent anymore.”

“I’m not here for the agency,” Jude said. “I’m here for Zero. As a friend.”

When Jude disconnected the call and turned around, Zero was standing there. “How’d it go?” he said, giving no indication that he’d overheard any of the conversation.

“Good,” Jude said. “She’s gonna do it. I told her to get enough for a week. We . . . .” Jude shook his head. “You should be able to keep up with the laundry that way, at least.”

“Thank you,” Zero said.

“For calling Lionel?”

“For everything. This can’t be easy for you.”

“Helping you take care of your love child?” Jude said, trying to keep his voice light.

“She’s not my ‘love child’,” Zero said.

“Yeah, it’s kind of awkward,” Jude admitted, ignoring Zero’s comment.

They were silent for a moment, and Jude searched for something to say. “You should get some rest,” he finally said.

Zero raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Isn’t that what they say?” Jude said. “That you should sleep while the baby sleeps because you won’t get much rest otherwise?”

Zero’s eyes went wide. “Does she even sleep through the night yet?”

“I guess you’ll find out.”

“I . . . You can’t leave me alone with her,” Zero said.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Jude said.

“You’re sure it’ll be fine?” Zero repeated.

“You want to keep her,” Jude said with little sympathy. “This is part of it.”

“If I’d thought about it, which I haven’t, I’d have thought there’d be a chance to break in slowly, or . . . .”

“Or that you’d have someone to do the heavy lifting of caring for a baby?” Jude said dryly.

“That I’d have help,” Zero said, looking beseechingly at Jude.

“No,” Jude said, because it was too much to expect him to spend more time with Zero and Emily than he absolutely had to.

Zero tilted his head and gave Jude what could be described as puppy dog eyes. Before Jude had to force another refusal through his lips, Emily woke up with an angry cry. Zero hurried for the kitchen, and Jude followed him.

“Hey, Emmy girl, what’s wrong?” Zero said.

Emily’s cries quieted when she heard Zero’s voice, and went silent when she saw him.

“Are you hungry?” Zero said as he unbuckled her. “Oh my,” Zero continued in that same tone. “I think I know what your problem is.”

A moment later the smell of soiled diaper reached Jude and he wrinkled his nose. He watched, transfixed, as Zero gently laid Emily down on the bath towel he’d folded on the island to create a makeshift changing pad. Zero gave Emily a toy to keep her busy while he unsnapped the legs of her pajamas.

Zero continued to talk to Emily as he changed her, saying things like, “I’m going to have to take the trash out more often, aren’t I?” in a tone that made her burble and grin.

Jude watched as Zero carefully and gently wiped Emily down and disposed of the soiled diaper and wipes before replacing the diaper with a clean one. He kept one hand on her belly to keep her from rolling away, and tickled her foot when her flailing feet kicked him in the stomach. Zero snapped the onesie closed and then snapped Emily’s legs back into the pajamas, and Jude felt his heart lurch as he watched Zero’s strong, capable hands handle Emily so gently. He thought it might be too late to escape unscathed, but before Jude had time to dwell on it, Zero plopped Emily into his arms and said, “Hold her while I heat up the bottle.”

Jude narrowed his eyes at Zero, because Jude knew what he was doing. Zero could’ve set Emily back in the carrier instead of handing her to Jude. Jude ignored the fact that he _also_ could’ve set her in the car seat instead of tucking her into the crook of his arm and walking around the kitchen with her, bouncing her a little bit as he jingled the set of plastic keys in front of her face.

Emily was only distracted by the keys for a short time before her empty stomach took precedence. “How’s that bottle coming?” Jude said over the sound of her unhappy wails.

“It’s coming,” Zero said, sounding just as rattled by Emily’s cries as Jude was, but he managed to give Jude a smile over his shoulder.

“What?” Jude said.

“I’ve seen you negotiate million dollar endorsement contracts without getting rattled.”

“That was easy,” Jude said as he watched Zero shake the bottle to distribute the hot formula evenly, and then test it on the inside of his wrist.

Jude absently relinquished the keys when Zero plucked them out of his fingers, then found himself holding the bottle. “What . . . ?”

Emily didn’t care who held the bottle and her wails increased at having it so close. Jude popped the nipple between her lips and Emily let out a few more cries before sucking on it and making a contented sound.

“It’s easier if you sit down,” Zero said. He indicated a stool at the island.

Jude gave Zero a look to let him know he knew he was being played, but he sat on the stool. It did help because the arm of the stool was the perfect height to rest his arm on so he could keep Emily propped up. Who knew that babies got so heavy?

Emily sucked on the nipple as if she hadn’t been fed for days instead of hours, and she protested loudly when Jude pulled the nipple out of her mouth so he could check how much she’d drank. Zero raised his eyebrows.

“I read some of your notes,” Jude said, and Zero shot an almost embarrassed look at the laptop and pad of paper. “It’s good that you want to be prepared.”

“Yeah, well, don’t make a thing out of it,” Zero said.

Jude ducked his head to hide his smile, but if anyone asked, he was smiling at Emily.

Jude’s phone buzzed and Zero helpfully withdrew it from Jude’s pocket. He thumbed the screen and showed it to Jude; it was a text message from Lionel.

“Go ahead and open it,” Jude said.

Zero opened the message and rolled his eyes, then smiled as he read it.

“What?” Jude said.

“Lionel wants a photo of Emily so she doesn’t get anything that clashes with her coloring.”

“Seriously?” Jude said as he watched Zero play with his phone. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna take a picture of Emily,” Zero said.

“You’d get a better photo if she was in her seat,”Jude protested.

“No, this is fine,” Zero said. He took one photo, then changed the angle of the phone to take a second.

Jude looked back down at Emily, who was digging her little nails into his finger as if she could keep him from pulling the bottle away again. He glanced up when Zero was quiet for too long and saw him staring at the phone with a weird expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Zero said, shaking his head a little bit. “Just checking out the pictures.” He turned the phone so Jude could see the photo; it was of both him and Emily. Jude’s head was bent towards Emily because she’d just flailed her tiny fist into his chest and he’d glanced down just as Zero snapped the photo.

Zero pulled the phone back and scrolled to the close-up of Emily and showed it to Jude. Zero covered Jude’s shoulder with a towel and then sat at the island with Jude’s phone.

“Now what are you doing?” Jude said as he extracted the nipple from Emily’s mouth and got her on his shoulder despite her vocal complaints.

“Sending the picture to Lionel,” Zero said.

~*~

Jude was drowsing on the sofa when the doorbell rang. He opened his eyes a slit and watched as Zero popped up from the chair where he’d also fallen asleep. Zero cast an eye towards Emily, who they’d moved to the living room with them, and then hurried to the door before whoever was there could ring again and wake her.

Jude stretched and scrubbed his hands over his face. He also glanced at Emily, who was still sleeping peacefully, and then raised his eyes to the television. They’d put it on low for background noise, and Jude couldn’t tell whether the same movie was playing or not.

“That picture was so adorable it was sickening,” Lionel said as she bustled into the living room ahead of Zero. She was carrying two large bags, and Jude was relieved that she hadn’t gone overboard until he saw that Zero carried two more. Zero held them up and grimaced at Jude.

Lionel dropped her packages on the couch beside Jude, and then bent over the carrier and studied Emily. “She really is adorable.”

Lionel laid out her purchases, and Jude was really glad they’d sent her, and not just because Emily was going to be the best-dressed baby in L.A. Lionel had picked up things Jude wasn’t sure he’d have thought of, like soft blankets and a cute sweater, bibs, socks, and the tiniest sneakers Jude had ever seen.

“This is fantastic,” Jude said.

“Of course it is,” Lionel said, then smiled.

“Yes, thank you, Lionel,” Zero said.

Lionel looked at Zero for a long moment before she said, “You’re welcome,” and brushed it off with, “Have to keep one of my star players happy, don’t I?”

“Baby clothes is better than coke,” Jude joked, and then froze when Zero and Lionel both looked at him and he realized what he’d said. “I mean, hypothetically, of course,” Jude said, totally unconvincingly.

Emily took that moment to grunt in her sleep and draw all their gazes. After a couple more grunts, Zero said, “Crap,” which made Jude have to stifle a snort of laughter.

Zero narrowed his eyes at Jude. “Laugh it up, chuckles. This next diaper is yours.”

“No,” Jude said immediately.

“Fair is fair,” Zero said as he headed for the kitchen.

“How is that fair?” Jude said, unable to raise his voice to make sure Zero heard the disbelief in his tone because he didn’t want to wake Emily. “She’s not my baby,” Jude finished, his gaze going back to rest on Emily.

“You make a good point,” Lionel said.

“What?” Jude said absently, because he was captivated by the sight of Emily slowly waking up.

“She’s not your baby,” Lionel said in a deceptively casual tone.

Jude glanced at Lionel. “I know that?”

“And yet, here you are.”

“Zero needed help,” Jude said.

“You’re not his agent,” Lionel said.

“He didn’t want his agent,” Jude said, “he wanted a friend.”

“Is that what you two are, friends? Because as I recall, you dumped him as a client.”

“I didn’t dump him as a client,” Jude said, and could’ve kissed Emily when she finally woke up. “I should get her out to the kitchen before she goes in to full-blown anger.” Jude grabbed up the carrier and hurried out of the living room.

Zero glanced over when Jude entered the kitchen, then continued his task. He screwed the nipple on the bottle, shook it to distribute the heated milk evenly, and then tested it on the inside of his wrist. Jude got Emily out of the carrier and carefully laid her on the towel spread out on the island, and tried really hard not to think about how much he wanted to lick the tender skin at the inside of Zero’s wrist.

Zero raised the bottle to Jude. “Which end do you want?”

Jude didn’t hesitate; he grabbed the bottle.

“Coward,” Zero teased softly.

Jude didn’t deny it. He waited until Zero was in position before moving around to the other side of the island. The island was large enough that Emily would have to work pretty hard to roll off, but Jude wasn’t taking any chances.

Emily was already voicing her displeasure at the dirty diaper _and_ being hungry, so Jude quickly popped the nipple into her mouth. She was so busy being angry that Jude had to rub the nipple against her tongue to distract her. When she realized that food was at hand, Emily began suckling. She gave a sigh of contentment, and both Jude and Zero sighed in relief. They looked at each other and grinned.

Jude was still grinning when he glanced towards the doorway where Lionel stood watching them. Jude raised his eyebrows at her when he saw how intently Lionel was staring at them “You want to hold the bottle?” Jude said.

An indecipherable look crossed Lionel’s face, but then she gave Jude a smile that was half grimace and held up her hand in a warding gesture. “No, thank you, I can smell her well enough from over here.”

“Sissy,” Jude teased, and then grinned at the evil eye she sent his way.

“Look who’s talking,” Zero said, nose wrinkling as he made sure that Emily’s butt was wiped clean. “Huh?” Zero directed to Emily, who kicked her feet as she suckled.

Once Emily was in a clean diaper and snapped back into her pajamas, which had miraculously stayed clean, Zero disposed of the soiled diaper and wipes, then washed his hands before tossing a kitchen towel to Jude.

“You might want to lose the jacket,” Zero said, taking over holding the bottle so Jude could do that.

When Jude had the towel over his shoulder, Zero popped the nipple out of Emily’s mouth and checked the level of formula. Jude swooped Emily up before she could let out the wail he knew was forming, and settled her against his shoulder.

Jude rubbed and patted Emily’s back, glancing at Lionel because he thought it was safer than looking at Zero. She was giving Jude her ‘you’re so adorable’ look. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Oh, no,” Lionel said. “Not until she’s done doing whatever she’s gonna do there.”

Jude grinned at Lionel, then turned his gaze to Zero when he spoke. “Why don’t we move to the living room so Jude can sit down.” Zero started that way, and since he still held the bottle, Jude and Emily followed him, and Lionel came behind them.

“Let’s set out the play mat so she can play in it when she’s done eating,” Lionel said.

She made the suggestion in a casual tone, but Jude could tell that she was excited to see Emily play with whatever she’d bought her. “Good idea,” Jude said as he stood in the middle of the living room and bounced a little bit as he tried to get Emily to burp.

Lionel kicked off her heels and got down on her knees to pull the box out of the shopping bag. Zero went to the kitchen for scissors and sliced the tape holding the box shut. Lionel emptied the box and plucked the instructions out of the mess of quilted padding and plastic tubing.

Zero reached out and sorted the items. “What do you want me to do?” he asked Lionel.

“You’re going to put it together; I’m going to tell you how.”

“Sounds about right,” Zero said, and Jude had to hide a snort.

Not well enough, because he got a grin from Zero and a glare from Lionel. Luckily, Emily chose that moment to burp loud enough that Zero gave her an impressed look. Jude praised her and got her settled in the crook of his arm. He reached for the bottle Zero had left sitting on the coffee table and lowered himself onto the couch.

Emily suckled happily while Jude watched the two people he loved most in the world (aside from his mom), bicker over where to hang the nautical themed toys, and he didn’t even yell at himself for getting a little bit sappy over something he knew he didn’t get to keep.

When the play gym from some company named Baby Einstein was put together, Lionel and Zero stayed on the floor and watched Emily drink from the bottle as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Jude had to admit that it might be, because even he could get lost in the happy gurgles that came from her throat, and the way she explored the world around her, from her own feet to Jude’s nose.

Zero waited until Emily had finished the bottle and burped before coming over to take her from Jude. Jude watched the gentle way Zero held Emily, and the way his face lit up when he looked at her. Jude couldn’t take his eyes off Zero as he told Emily about the toy ‘Auntie’ Lionel had bought her, and at the careful way he laid her on the quilted pad.

Jude watched Emily discover the rattle and the mirror, and watched Zero watching Emily. He glanced over to see what Lionel’s reaction was, but her gaze was on Jude. She tilted her head towards Zero, and then raised her eyebrow at Jude. As if she’d spoken the words aloud, Jude heard her say, “Really, Jude?”

Jude blushed and looked away, right into Zero’s smiling face. Despite Lionel watching, Jude couldn’t help smiling back.

“Well,” Lionel said after a few minutes of actually watching Emily play in the gym, “I need to get back to the office.” Lionel gracefully rose to her feet and straightened her skirt as she stepped into her heels.

“Thanks for picking up all this stuff for Emily,” Zero said. “Just leave the receipt and I’ll pay you back.”

“It was my pleasure,” Lionel said, and it wasn’t a lie, exactly, but Jude could tell that it wasn’t the whole truth.

Jude was still trying to figure it out when Lionel turned to him. “Can I give you a ride somewhere?”

Jude knew that Lionel was going to quiz him about Zero, but he needed to go pick up his car, so he gave in to the inevitable and rose from the couch. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Wait, what?” Zero said. “You’re leaving?”

“Um . . . .”

“You can’t leave me alone with her!” Zero said, going from his knees to his feet in a smooth move.

“You make it sound like she’s a serial killer,” Lionel said.

“Say that after you’ve been up close and personal with her diaper,” Zero said, pointing a finger at Lionel while keeping his eyes on Jude, as if he was afraid Jude would escape if Zero looked away. “What if she wakes up in the middle of the night?”

Jude didn’t have the heart to tell Zero that there was every probability that she would wake up sometime during the night. Probably more than once. He calmly said, “Then you change her and feed her just like you’ve been doing.”

“By myself?” Zero said.

“You’re doing fine,” Jude said.

“Because you’re here. You’re my back up.”

Jude sighed. He couldn’t tell Zero that it was too hard for him to watch Zero with Emily knowing that this was something he couldn’t have. Instead Jude said, “Fine, I’ll stay the night. Just tonight,” he clarified over Zero’s muted whoop so he didn’t startle Emily. “But I need to go pick up my car and get a change of clothes.”

“Alright,” Zero said. “Alright.” He got close enough to hug Jude, and Jude let himself be hugged. “Thank you.”

Jude swallowed hard, and very pointedly didn’t glance in Lionel’s direction as he patted Zero on the back and said, “You’re welcome.”

Jude got his suit jacket from the kitchen, said goodbye to Emily, who gurgled and shook the rattle at him, and then held the front door for Lionel to exit ahead of him. Zero walked them to the door and Jude could feel Zero’s gaze on him even after he’d gotten into Lionel’s car.

Lionel was silent until they were a block away from Zero’s condo. Jude was glad when she finally spoke because then he could stop waiting for it, like Damocles Sword.

“So,” Lionel said casually, and Jude tensed. “Zero’s your gay biker from Providence.”

Jude let out a soft breath, because it could’ve been worse. “He’s not gay,” Jude said, ignoring the rest of the comment.

Lionel raised an eyebrow and gave Jude a look that was very effective given the short duration she had to look at him before focusing back on the road.

“He’s bi, or whatever,” Jude said.

“Not the point,” Lionel said. “You and Zero?”

Jude shrugged and wiped a palm on his slacks. “Yeah?”

“How long?”

“A couple of months,” Jude said.

“So what happened?” Lionel said.

“We wanted different things,” Jude said evenly, ignoring the ache in his chest that had been his constant companion since breaking things off with Zero. It had been for the best, but sometimes it didn’t feel that way.

“But you’re still in love with him,” Lionel said.

“What makes you say that?” Jude said, because he couldn’t form the words, “No I’m not.”

“Really, Jude?” Lionel said. “First of all, you rushed over when he called, and second, I saw the way you looked at him.”

“I didn’t _rush_ over,” Jude said.

Lionel laughed. “That’s it, that’s all you’ve got to say?”

“What do you want me to say, Lionel?” Jude said. “Yes, you’re right, I’m still in love with him, I think I always will be, and it’s killing me to see him with Emily when I know it’s something we can never have. Is that what you want me to say?”

“Oh, Jude,” Lionel said. She reached over and squeezed Jude’s hand. “This isn’t healthy.”

Jude snorted, but didn’t tell Lionel that was the understatement of the year.

“He cares about you, too,” Lionel said softly. “If it’s any consolation.”

“I think that makes it harder,” Jude said.

~*~

Jude made it back to Zero’s condo in about an hour and a half. He was glad he’d decided to use the key he still had on his key chain when he found Zero asleep on the couch with Emily asleep on his chest. It felt like his ribs were squeezing his heart, and Jude turned away before he could dwell on his reaction.

Jude headed for the master bedroom before he realized what he was doing. He deposited his duffel on the guest room bed instead, and hung his suit in the otherwise empty closet. Back in the kitchen, Jude set his briefcase on the island and started the coffee maker. He didn’t even want to know how many angry e-mails were waiting for him, and he was going to need caffeine to deal with them.

Jude got his computer powered up, and while it was connecting to Zero’s internet because he hadn’t changed the password from the last time Jude was there, Jude snuck back out to the living room. Zero hadn’t moved, and neither had Emily. Jude gave in to the temptation to take a picture of them, and then he escaped to the kitchen before he woke them.

Jude opened his gallery and looked at the photo, then scrolled back to the one Zero had taken of Jude holding Emily. Looking at it made Jude wonder what the hell he was doing. Every moment he spent with Zero was going to make leaving again that much harder.

Jude sent the photo of Zero and Emily to Lionel, and then let his finger hover over the delete button. Jude closed the gallery and stuffed the phone back in his pocket; he could always delete the photos later.

Jude read his e-mails and checked his revised schedule for tomorrow. He returned some e-mails and made a note of phone calls he needed to make. He was reviewing an endorsement contract when Zero padded into the kitchen, Emily still sleeping on his shoulder. His hair was mussed and his eyes were hooded and he looked to be still half asleep.

Zero raised his phone. “Why did Lionel send me a text that says ‘you’re so adorable’?”

Jude blushed. “Too much to drink?”

Zero narrowed his eyes at Jude, then turned the phone so Jude could see the screen. Lionel had also forwarded the photo Jude had sent her.

“Oh,” Jude said weakly. “Yeah. I might’ve sent her a picture of you and Emily sleeping.” Jude paused, then said, “Sorry if that woke you.”

“It didn’t,” Zero said. “Em’s been waking up for the last five minutes. I didn’t want to rush it, but then I realized she’s peed through her diaper.”

“How’d you realize that?”

Zero raised Emily’s lower half away from his body to reveal the wet spot on his t-shirt.

“Oh,” Jude said, biting his bottom lip so he didn’t laugh. “Do you want me to change her while you go change?”

“I’ll change her, and then I’ll go change while you’re feeding her. You wanna heat up a bottle?”

“Sure.” Jude mixed formula into distilled water and put the bottle in the microwave. “How were things, while I was gone?” Jude said when he had his back to Zero.

“Good,” Zero said. “Mostly. She was a little bit cranky. It’s been a rough day for you, hasn’t it?” he directed to Emily. “She wouldn’t fall asleep if I put her down, just cried. She was better once I found this stuffed bunny . . . Oh!” Zero said, a sound of surprised distress.

Jude had been listening to the sound of Zero’s voice while the bottle heated, but now he turned around quickly and hurried over to the island. Zero was holding the front of the diaper over Emily and looked like he didn’t know what had hit him.

“What happened?” Jude said, noticing the fresh wet spots across Zero’s stomach and forearms.

“I need another diaper,” Zero said, cautiously raising the other one and peeking around it.

Jude retrieved a fresh diaper. “Do you need a towel?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Jude grabbed a used burp cloth, and Zero used it to wipe off his hands and arms, and then used it on Emily. He withdrew the diaper and took the fresh one from Jude.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“She peed on me,” Zero said, head down as he intently watched his fingers as he taped the diaper closed.

“She . . . what?”

“I’m not repeating it,” Zero said.

“No, I didn’t, I . . . she peed on you?”

Zero raised his head and glared at Jude. “She needs a clean onesie and pajamas.”

Jude gathered together the requested items and watched Zero peel Emily out of the wet clothes and replace them with dry. He turned away to retrieve the bottle from the microwave and smiled to himself when he heard Zero speak softly to Emily. “That wasn’t funny, Emmy.”

Emily gave a happy gurgle in response.

Jude fed Emily while he watched baseball, and Zero joined them after he’d changed into dry clothes. Emily played in the gym that Lionel had bought for her while Jude and Zero ate the takeout that Zero had ordered, and then they stretched out on the couch with full bellies, commenting quietly on the game once in a while. It felt comfortable and familiar, and Jude had to remind himself that it wasn’t the same.

Jude took his dish out to the kitchen and glanced at the laptop. He needed to finish reviewing the contract, and it was a good reason for him to stay in the kitchen away from Zero. Jude hadn’t gotten very far when Zero appeared with his own dishes.

“What are you doing?”

“Reviewing a contract,” Jude said without looking away from the screen.

“Who’s it for?” Zero said, overly casual, not really wanting to know who Jude was representing now. Which was no one, because he was back to being low man on the totem pole – no one had been thrilled that Jude had jumped ahead of the line when Zero made Jude his agent, and they were enjoying his apparent fall from grace.

“It’s an endorsement contract,” Jude said, “so I can’t tell you until it’s been signed, which should happen tomorrow.”

“You’re going in to work tomorrow?” Zero said, again with the too casual.

“Yes,” Jude said. When Zero didn’t say anything for a few minutes, Jude looked up from the screen. “I have to,” he said. “I missed over half a day today, I can’t just not go in.”

“No, I know,” Zero said, but Jude could tell that he hadn’t really known.

“You’ll be fine,” Jude said, a little more sharply than he’d meant to, because how could Zero think this, having Jude here while he played house, when Jude knew it wasn’t real, and that it would never be real, was a good idea?

“Yeah, of course,” Zero said, his expression going shuttered. “I’ll just leave you to it, then.”

Jude exhaled slowly. “Wait, Zero. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jude paused to see if Zero would stop, or keep walking. When Zero stopped, and then glanced back at him, Jude continued. “You know this isn’t healthy. For either of us.”

Zero turned around then, and gave Jude a look. “Emily?”

“No, me. Us. Pretending that any of this is normal, or real.” Pretending that they were doing anything more than playing house, and that it wasn’t going to hurt Jude just as much to stay as it would to leave.

“It feels real,” Zero said.

Jude shook his head. “No, it feels like a dream. And I’m inevitably going to wake up.” Zero looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. Jude forestalled Zero by saying, “I’ve got to finish this.”

Jude turned his focus back to the contract and didn’t try to hear when Zero softly padded back out to the living room. Jude finished his review of the contract and sent a red-lined copy to his boss, and then powered down his laptop. It wasn’t late, but Jude needed to get some sleep, especially since Emily would probably wake up sometime during the night.

Jude set up his laptop and phone to charge in the guestroom, and then changed out of his suit, which felt like he’d been wearing it for days, and into a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt. When the t-shirt cleared Jude’s head, he saw that Zero was standing in the doorway, casually leaning against the door jam.

Jude blushed and fumbled tugging the hem of the t-shirt down. “Did you need something?”

Zero’s gaze did a slow survey of the room, taking in all of Jude’s possessions. “I’m going to put Emily in the middle of the bed in the master, in a pillow fort. I thought you’d sleep there, too.”

“No,” Jude said. He had to draw the line somewhere if he wanted to get out of this with his sanity still intact. It was already too late for his heart. “That’s not a good idea.”

“What if Emily wakes up?” Zero said.

“Then you get up with her,” Jude said.

“What if I don’t hear her?”

“You’ll hear her, and if you don’t, I will. I’m not that far away, and I’ve heard her scream when she’s unhappy.”

Jude went to bed, but he didn’t fall to sleep right away. He kept listening to what Zero was doing, wondering if he should go out and lend a hand. Jude forced himself to remain in bed, and eventually he fell asleep.

Jude woke in the middle of the night to sounds coming from the master bedroom. He was up and moving before he registered doing so, because he recognized those sounds. When Jude reached the bedroom, Emily, surrounded by pillows, the bunny stuffed between her and a pillow, was still fast asleep; Zero thrashed in his sleep.

Jude grabbed Zero’s leg, and then his fingers, all while staying back so he wouldn’t get hit by a flailing fist. He couldn’t give Zero time to ease out of the nightmare this time, afraid he might wake Emily if it went on too long. Zero jerked awake, and he stared up at Jude with unseeing eyes for a moment before they cleared and he remembered where he was.

“Jude,” Zero said, his fingers tightening around Jude’s.

“I’m right here,” Jude said, moving closer now that Zero was no longer in the clutches of the nightmare.

“You’re leaving,” Zero said.

Zero had never told Jude what the nightmares he’d occasionally had were about, but Jude had guessed that they had something to do with his time in foster care, and right now, with the nightmare fresh, he sounded like a scared child. Jude pushed Zero’s hair back, then bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Not tonight,” he said.

Jude released Zero’s hand and walked around the bed. He slid under the covers so that he and Zero bracketed Emily and her pillow fort. When Jude could bring himself to look across Emily to Zero, Zero was looking back at him. Wordlessly, Zero stretched his hand across Emily, resting his arm on the pillows. Jude reached out and slipped his fingers through Zero’s and closed his eyes.


	2. chapter two

Jude knew he had to be at the office the next day, but he couldn’t help thinking about Zero and Emily, and how they were faring. He was saved from having to call Zero to see how they were doing by Zero sending photos every five minutes, or close to it. The first photo had been Jude holding Emily before he’d left that morning, and then there’d been a steady stream of photos with notes, such as the photo of Emily lying on the changing towel, chewing on a folded diaper fresh from the box with the note _wish you were here o_O_

Jude had to hide his smile, and again each time he remembered it. Other photos included Emily doing seemingly mundane things, like drinking from the bottle, sleeping, playing in the gym, and keeping Zero company in the weight room in his basement while he worked out. Jude had to force down a memory from before, of Zero sweaty from a workout and full of endorphins pushing Jude against the basement wall and kissing him.

Zero working out, though, did remind Jude that training camp would be opening soon, and if Emily was still with him, Zero would need to have daycare lined up. Between meetings and phone calls and more contract revisions, Jude went down to KinderKare, the daycare that was located on the ground floor of his office building. He got assurances from the director, Kim that there were slots available, and was handed an information packet that included a brochure with a price list and an application.

After work, Jude stopped by his apartment for another change of clothes. He ordered take-out from his favorite Thai place and took it with him over to Zero’s. With his hands full of briefcase, clothes, and takeout, Jude sent up a prayer that Emily wasn’t sleeping and rang the doorbell. Jude didn’t have to wait long, though he might’ve been better off if he’d set everything down and let himself in because his heart gave a funny little lurch at the pleased smile that spread over Zero’s face when he saw who was at the door.

“Hi,” Zero said, and then he turned his face to Emily to hide the surprise he hadn’t been able to completely contain. Though he hadn’t said anything in any of his hundred and one texts, Jude wondered if Zero hadn’t expected Jude to return. “Look who’s here, Em, Jude’s here,” Zero said as he stepped back to let Jude enter. “You gonna say hi to Jude?” Zero took Emily’s hand and waved it at Jude.

Emily shook her little fist and then jammed it in her mouth, and Jude was so charmed by her that he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. It wasn’t until Jude pulled back that he realized how close he was to Zero. Their eyes met, and Jude’s cheeks heated.

“I’ll just . . .” Jude indicated the various bags he carried and then pushed past Zero so he could divest himself of them. He dropped the takeout in the kitchen and carried the rest to the guestroom. Jude took his time hanging the suit in the closet and allowed himself a deep breath before heading back out to the kitchen.

Emily was in her car seat on top of the island playing with a soft stuffed flower that sounded like the crinkling of paper when she squeezed it. Zero had emptied the bag and gotten out plates, and it looked like he had everything under control. Jude’s heart clenched painfully at the idea that Zero might not need him, and then he gave himself a mental shake, because that’s exactly what he wanted – for Zero to be able to care for Emily on his own so Jude could leave him to it and get on with the rest of his life. Wasn’t it?

“It’s okay I went ahead and did that, right?” Zero said, indicating the take-out, misinterpreting Jude’s silence.

“Yeah,” Jude said, then, “Yes, of course.”

They ate at the island with Emily in front of them. Zero got out two beers to go with the food.

“Are you sure we should?” Jude said, eyeing the beer.

“It’s just one beer, it’ll be fine, Jude,” Zero said, then leaned over Emily and said, “It’s not like we’re going to be doing shots, are we?”

Emily gurgled and hit Zero’s nose with the flower.

“Besides,” Zero continued to Jude as if he hadn’t just done anything out of the ordinary, “I deserve a reward for the stellar day we had. Only two temper tantrums, one of which was mine.”

That startled a laugh out of Jude and Zero looked pleased.

Emily decided she was hungry halfway through the meal, so they took turns feeding her so the other could eat. Jude was still holding Emily while Zero cleaned up the food and did the few dishes they’d dirtied, so he got to change her while Zero laughed and didn’t offer to help.

“I’m sure you can handle it,” Zero said facetiously when Jude complained. “Though you might want to roll up your sleeves and tuck your tie out of the way.”

When Emily and the kitchen were both cleaned up, Jude got out the packet from the daycare and joined Zero in the living room where he was holding Emily while she played with the buttons on his Henley.

“What’s that for?” Zero said when Jude showed it to him.

“Training camp starts in a few weeks, and if Emily is still here . . .”

Zero took the packet and flipped through it.

“That’s the daycare in my building,” Jude explained. “You don’t have to take her there, obviously, but I thought it would give you an idea . . .”

“No, thank you,” Zero said. He withdrew the application and started reading it. Jude swallowed hard and waited. “Date of birth?” Zero said. “I don’t even know how old she is.”

Jude nodded. Zero read some more.

“Proof of immunizations. When do babies even get immunizations?”

“I don’t know,” Jude said. “We . . . You,” he corrected himself. “You’ll need to get her to a doctor.”

“We,” Zero said stubbornly.

At her next diaper change they gave Emily a sponge bath because neither of them was brave enough to attempt a bath in the sink. Emily kicked, either from being cool or because she liked being naked, and chewed on a corner of the washcloth.

After she ate, the three of them curled up on the couch with a black and white movie. Emily fell asleep, and then Zero tilted over onto Jude’s shoulder. Jude helped Zero to lie down with his head on Jude’s leg. He kept a death grip on Emily, and Jude wrapped an arm around both of them. Jude ran his fingers through Zero’s hair, though he forced himself to look at the television. From the full feeling in his chest, Jude thought he might be in trouble.

~*~

Jude went to work as usual the next two days, though most of his attention stayed back at Zero’s condo with Zero and Emily. In part because Zero continually sent Jude pictures, and on one occasion a video. He spent the nights in Zero’s bed, with only Emily and her pillow fort separating them.

Jude and Zero filled out the daycare application as much as they could, and Jude used his contacts to get Zero in with a pediatrician who Jude trusted to keep Zero and Emily’s relationship a confidence.

Lionel forwarded a picture of Zero and Emily that Zero must’ve sent her to Jude with the caption _I didn’t think he could look this adorable_ followed by a text that merely said, _be careful_. The next day Jude got a text from Zero that said _we got bored sitting at home_ and was accompanied by a photo of Lionel holding Emily. Jude could tell that they were sitting in Lionel’s office. He noticed the way that Lionel was looking at Emily and thought it might be too late for either of them to be careful.

On Saturday they took Emily to the park and walked the paths with her bundled into the stroller she’d been dropped off in. A couple people stopped to tell them how cute Emily was. No one recognized Zero, though Jude thought the ball cap and sunglasses did little to hide his identity. Then again, Jude was used to seeing him in a t-shirt and track pants with flip flops on his feet. It was probably the fact that his shock of bleached-blond hair was covered, and that no one would ever expect to see Zero, star basketball player, pushing a stroller.

They were talking about what they were going to have for super – Zero was negotiating pizza if he had a salad and did an extra mile on the treadmill – when Zero’s phone rang. Zero gave an irritated sigh at the interruption, then grimaced when he saw the name on the screen. “Lucas,” Zero said before accepting the call. 

Zero winced at whatever Lucas said, then replied, “Of course I remembered.” He gave Jude a wide-eyed look and shook his head.

“Listen, Lucas,” Zero said, interrupting whatever Lucas was saying. “Is there any way I can get out of this appearance?” Zero frowned. “No, not dying,” he said in response to Lucas’s reply. Zero listened some more, then, resigned, said, “Yeah, I’ll be ready.”

“Shit!” Zero said after he ended the call. He shoved the phone in his pocket and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Where’s the appearance?” Jude said.

Zero waved his hand like it didn’t matter. “Some restaurant opening, or re-opening. Lucas lined it up.” He removed the cap and pushed a hand through his hair before replacing it. “Damn. With Emily and everything, I completely forgot about it.”

“It’s alright,” Jude said. “I’ve got this.”

“Are you sure?” Zero said.

“You’ve had her all day for the last few days, it’s only fair I take a turn, right?” Jude said, trying to sound more okay with this turn of events than he was.

“You don’t have to . . . ,” Zero said.

“I know I don’t,” Jude said. “I’ll be fine.” He nudged Zero’s arm with his elbow. “At least you’ll get served something better than pizza.”

“I like pizza,” Zero said, and Jude had to smile at how disgruntled he sounded.

Jude was not smiling later that afternoon when he was forced to watch Zero get ready to go out and make a public appearance with an up and coming actress he’d never met before tonight simply because she was a new client of Jude’s agency.

“How do I look?” Zero said.

“Eh,” Jude said, toggling his hand, smiling at Zero’s look of outrage.

“What?” Jude said, leaning in to listen to Emily tell him something. “Emily says you look fucking amazing, as usual, and you know it, so stop trying to fish for compliments.”

Zero looked like he was trying not to smile. “She said all that, did she?”

Jude shrugged.

Zero leaned in to drop a kiss on the top of Emily’s head, and Jude tried to ignore how close that put their faces. Zero looked at Jude without drawing back. “There’s a reason I like you, Jude.”

Jude’s stomach did a little flip, but he managed to keep his voice light when he said, “Is there?”

Zero nodded. “You call me on my bullshit.”

“I’m happy to,” Jude said dryly.

Zero smiled. He pulled back without kissing Jude, and Jude told himself that he wasn’t disappointed.

Zero frowned and checked his watch when the doorbell rang. “That’s probably the driver.” Zero curled his fingers around Jude’s wrist and drew him (and Emily) to the front door with him.

“Call me if you need anything,” Zero said.

“I will.”

“Send me pictures so I’m not bored.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The doorbell rang a second time.

“You’d better go.”

Zero still hesitated. “Don’t have too much fun without me, okay?” he said to Emily, dropping another kiss on her head. “See you guys later.”

Jude stood staring at the closed door. The kiss had been so quick that he would’ve thought it had been a dream if his lips didn’t still tingle from where Zero had pressed his mouth to Jude’s before opening the door and leaving. Jude waited until he heard the limo pull away before he walked back into the living room. He looked around, wondering what they were going to do with the rest of the evening that stretched ahead of them. Emily let out a wail that reminded Jude that feeding her was one thing that needed doing.

Emily fussed while Jude changed her diaper, and then acted like she wasn’t hungry when he gave her the bottle. When she had finally drank most of it, Jude saved them both the frustration of trying to force the rest of it down her. She made him work for the last burp, though, and then Jude laid her on the mat so she could play in the gym.

Jude cleaned up the kitchen, then stood in the living room and watched Emily play, wondering what he should do next. If he was home, he could clean, or do laundry, or bag up his dry cleaning, but there was nothing to do here. He could watch tv or rent a movie, but that was too much like the plans he and Zero had been making. Besides, Jude had never spent enough time at Zero’s condo for it to feel comfortable without Zero there, and Zero’s absence just made Jude feel like more of an interloper.

Jude called Lionel. “What are you doing tonight?” he said before she’d even gotten out a hello.

“I’m doing well, Jude, thank you for asking. How are you doing?”

Jude rolled his eyes. “I’m also well. Are you busy?”

“I’m reading a script,” Lionel said, her casual tone unable to completely hide the excitement.

“You are not!” Jude said.

Lionel laughed. “I really am. Must be marrying Oscar was good for my career.”

“That’s awesome,” Jude said. He didn’t know how to tell Lionel that he was happy for her without it sounding condescending. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it, then.”

“Uh, uh, uh,” Lionel interrupted. “Tell me what you wanted.”

“Oh, just somewhere to hang out for a couple hours, but it’s no . . .”

“Getting tired of the crying?”

“What? No, Emily’s been an angel.”

“I meant Zero,” Lionel said dryly, surprising a laugh out of Jude.

“Zero’s not here,” Jude said. “He had a thing.”

“A thing,” Lionel repeated.

“A work thing, an appearance. It just feels weird being at Zero’s place without him here.”

Lionel made a humming sound. “Come on over, I’ll tell you all about the script.”

“Really?” Jude said, sounding more excited than a grown man probably should, but sometimes Jude had to pinch himself because he still couldn’t believe that he was friends with Lionel Davenport.

Lionel laughed. “Really.”

“Uh, you do realize I’ll have Emily with me, right?”

“You’d better,” Lionel said.

Jude calculated the time it would take him to get to Lionel’s place and told her when to expect them. He checked on Emily and then went to the kitchen to pack the diaper bag – pre-prepared bottles, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, and toys. Jude couldn’t decide how many bottles or diapers he’d need for the short visit, and ended up over-packing.

Jude checked Emily’s diaper and dressed her in a clean onesie and one of the outfits Lionel had picked out for her. Jude buckled her into the carrier and gave her the crinkly flower to play with, which she promptly shoved into her mouth and started to chew on.

Jude made sure he had his phone, and then carried Emily and the diaper bag out to the Lincoln. Traffic wasn’t bad, but Jude was still twenty minutes late arriving at Lionel’s. “I didn’t properly calculate how long it would take to pack a diaper bag,” Jude said in apology when Lionel opened the front door.

Lionel laughed and gestured for Jude to enter. “Get in here so I can hold the baby.”

Emily had fallen asleep in the car, but she woke while Jude and Lionel were discussing the script. Jude changed her diaper, and Lionel fed her.

“Is it something you want to do?” Jude asked. “Go back to acting,” he clarified.

“It was never my intention to leave,” Lionel said, her tone sharp with bitterness.

“I know,” Jude said gently. “But you’re running the Devils now.”

“I’d put you in charge,” Lionel said.

Jude laughed. “If Oscar was dead, he’d be spinning in his grave right now.”

“All the more reason,” Lionel said, and they both shared a laugh.

Lionel played with Emily while Jude read some of the script. He paused when Lionel had to pull the beads of her necklace out of Emily’s mouth, to her vocal displeasure.

“What do you think?” Lionel said.

Jude set the script aside. “It sounds great.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Lionel said, not sounding happy about it.

“Why is that a bad thing?”

“Easier to say ‘no’ if it was a horrible script,” Lionel said.

“Do you want to say ‘no’?

“I want to say yes,” Lionel said wryly. “But you’re right, I run the Devils now, and I’m really enjoying the power.”

They ordered take-out that Lionel insisted they eat on real plates like civilized people and watched a movie while Emily played with her toys and chewed on a corner of Lionel’s cloth napkin.

Before the movie ended Emily started to fuss. Jude changed her and tried to feed her, but she was more interested in chewing on the nipple than sucking on it. He finally got enough formula in her to call it good. She fussed again when Jude took the nipple from her to burp her and didn’t calm down even when he slipped the pacifier between her lips.

“I don’t know why she’s so cranky right now,” Jude said, trying not to let his frustration show.

“Maybe she senses your emotions about Zero’s date,” Lionel said innocently.

“It’s not a date,” Jude said automatically, then added, “And I don’t have any feelings about it.”

“If you say so,” Lionel said. The words said she believed Jude’s protestation; the tone said otherwise. “Maybe she’s just overstimulated.”

“Maybe,” Jude said doubtfully. “We should get going. Maybe she’ll fall asleep in the car. Babies do that, right?”

Emily did not do that. She complained loudly for the first half of the drive, and then cried for the second half. Jude twisted himself around to reach back and replace the pacifier that had fallen out of her mouth. Emily was quiet for thirty blissful seconds before she spit out the pacifier to cry some more.

Home, Jude checked Emily’s diaper again and tried to give her another bottle, which she refused. Laying her down only made her cry harder, even when he gave her the bunny, and so he just held her, pacing through the house and bouncing her until she finally cried herself to sleep. Jude laid her inside the pillow fort and gently wiped the tears off her face. “You’ll feel better when you wake up,” he promised.

Jude left Emily and went to stand in the guestroom. He hadn’t thought about it, not really, but he knew what he had to do. It had been playing at the back of his mind ever since that first night. He made himself think about Zero being out in public with someone who wasn’t Jude, and then he began packing.

It took two trips to carry his stuff to the car. Jude checked on Emily each time, and then he sat in front of the television to have something to do while he waited for Zero to come home. Jude flipped through the channels and then just left it on anything, since he wasn’t really paying attention to it anyway.

Jude’s stomach twisted when he heard an engine outside the condo. He turned off the television and rose to his feet, turning so he faced the doorway. Jude wiped his palms on the legs of his jeans when he heard Zero’s key in the front door. A moment later the door opened and closed, and then Zero stood inside the living room.

“Hi,” Zero said, his smile curling around Jude’s heart and squeezing.

“Hey,” Jude said, trying to sound normal. “You’re home early.”

“I left as soon as I was contractually able to,” Zero said. “Stupid Lucas. Were you waiting up for me?”

Jude swallowed hard. “Kind of.”

Zero gave Jude a look. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to spend the night at my apartment,” Jude said, chickening out on just blurting out that he was leaving.

“Because of tonight?” Zero perceptively said.

“No. Yes . . .”

“I forgot about it . . . with everything else. I tried to get out of it.”

“I know,” Jude said.

“It was just work,” Zero said.

“I know. Tonight. But next time it won’t be. You’ll go out to a club because you need to get laid, or you’ll meet a woman who’s acceptable to be seen with in public . . .”

“Jude,” Zero said, raising his hand as if he could stop the words coming out of Jude’s mouth.

“. . . and I need to distance myself from that.”

“From me,” Zero said, monotone.

“Playing house makes it easy to forget that you don’t want this, not with me,” Jude said. “I’ll still help out with Emily,” he went on, talking about Emily and Zero like they were a job so he didn’t break down. “Doctor appointment, daycare, but I can’t stay here, like this is my home, and you and Emily are . . .”

Jude had to look away from Zero to collect himself. “Emily was fussy tonight, wouldn’t drink much and went down hard. She’ll probably be hungry when she wakes up. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Jude said, and then made himself move.

Zero reached out and grabbed Jude’s arm.

Jude pushed Zero’s hand off and tried to muster up a smile. “It’s not your fault we don’t want the same thing, but being here, and knowing that, it’s too hard.”

This time Jude didn’t stop, and he didn’t look back. He couldn’t because the expression on Zero’s face was almost enough to make Jude stay. Jude felt the sting of tears, but he refused to let them fall.

At his apartment, Jude unpacked the car, except for the clothes that needed to go to the cleaner. He hung up the one suit he hadn’t worn, and emptied the duffel into drawers or the laundry basket, and then set up his laptop and phone on their respective chargers.

It was late, and Jude knew he should go to bed, but he didn’t think he could fall asleep. He did a load of laundry and looked for something else to do, but it had been five days since he’d been home to make a mess. Jude turned on the television just for something to do while he waited for the washer to finish. When it did, Jude tossed the clothes into the dryer and then went to bed.

Usually the dryer served as white noise and made it easier for Jude to fall asleep, but tonight every thump of the clothes in the drum was loud and jarring. Jude lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. He tried not to think about Zero or Emily, but Zero’s face was the only thing he could see, and Emily’s cries the only thing he heard, and they followed him into sleep.

Jude woke up when his phone went off. Tendrils of whatever dream he’d been having followed him into wakefulness and left him feeling groggy as he groped for his cell. Jude checked the time on the alarm clock – barely 5AM – as he pulled the phone off the charger. Jude saw Zero’s name on the screen, and he answered the call before he could talk himself out of it. If he’d been expecting Zero to drunk dial him after their conversation last night, Jude would’ve been wrong.

Emily’s strong wails hit his ears before Jude heard Zero’s voice. “Jude?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” Jude said. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Zero said, sounding frazzled. “She won’t stop crying.”

Shit, Jude thought to himself. Shit, shit! He should’ve known that something was wrong when Emily had been cranky the night before, when she’d refused to eat, and instead he’d . . . He could berate himself later for not paying attention.

“Does she have a fever?” Jude said as he threw the blankets back.

“No,” Zero said. “I don’t think so. She feels warm, but her face is all red from crying and I don’t know if any of that is fever.”

“Okay,” Jude said. “Tell me what happened after she woke up.” He slipped bare feet into a pair of deck shoes, grabbed his wallet and keys, and left the apartment.

“She cried when she woke up. I changed her, I gave her a bottle, which she refused to drink. She didn’t want to play with her toys, and the crying got worse instead of better . . . Jude, I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m on my way,” Jude said, “just keep talking to me.”

“About what?” Zero said.

“Anything,” Jude said. “Tell me about the restaurant. Did they have pizza?”

Zero huffed a laugh that almost sounded like a sob. “No. Can you even hear me over Em’s cries?”

“No,” Jude said, “but keep talking to me anyway.”

Zero talked to Jude during the entire drive over to his house, and when he fell silent Jude asked him another question. It was hard for Jude to concentrate on the road with Emily’s cries in his ear, so he couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for Zero who was right there, seeing her unhappy face. Zero’s voice was rough, like he was fighting off the urge to break down and cry right along with Emily.

“I’m almost there,” Jude said when he pulled into Zero’s complex. He didn’t know if Zero had heard him because he kept on talking. Jude parked and ran to the front door of the condo. He used his own key to get in, and when he burst into the living room Zero was looking at him with relief and hope, as if Jude would be able to fix whatever was wrong. Problem was, Jude had no idea what was wrong.

Zero handed Emily to Jude and looked like he was waiting for a pronouncement. Since Jude had no idea what the problem was, he started with the basics. “I know you already did this,” Jude told Zero as he led the way to the kitchen, “but I just want to rule them out myself.”

Jude laid Emily on the towel and unsnapped her pajamas. He carefully unpeeled the tape on the diaper (having learned from Zero’s mistake) and took a cautious peek. The diaper was dry, and there was no sign of a rash. Jude refastened the tape and tried to get Emily’s kicking feet back into the legs of the pajamas.

When he couldn’t get the pajamas snapped back up, Jude got the idea to remove them and see if Emily had a rash or sore somewhere else on her body. She didn’t. By the time Jude had her back in the pajamas, Zero had a bottle warmed up. Emily sucked on hungrily on the nipple for about five seconds, just long enough for Jude to feel a premature sense of relief, before she spit it out and resumed crying. If Jude felt disappointed, he couldn’t imagine how crushing it was for Zero, who’d endured hours of this.

“How long did she sleep?” Jude asked.

It was hours longer than usual, which was odd despite Emily’s earlier fussiness. Jude pressed the back of his hand to her forehead. She was warm, but Zero was right, it was difficult to tell if it was because of the crying or a fever.

As if he’d read Jude’s mind, Zero had a cool cloth in his hand he used it to wipe the tears and snot off Emily’s face. “I walked her, and rocked her, but nothing worked.”

Emily got a corner of the cloth in her mouth and began chewing on it. Jude tensed when he recalled everything Emily had been chewing on lately. “Uh oh,” Jude said.

“What?”

“If I’m right, we’ve got good news and bad news.”

“Spill!” Zero said.

To be sure, Jude wiped his finger on the cloth and then stuck it into Emily’s mouth. She started chewing on it as if her life depended on it. “I think she’s teething,” Jude said, wincing.

“Isn’t she too young for that?” Zero said, sounding panicked.

“I don’t know,” Jude said. “The good news is, they make stuff for that, right? I’ll just go pick something up . . .”

“I’ll go,” Zero said quickly. “I mean, you two seem to be getting along good right now.”

“Alright,” Jude said. He couldn’t begrudge Zero a few minutes of peace. “Hurry.”

“No,” Zero said sarcastically, “I thought I’d stop for breakfast.”

“Bring me some, too,” Jude said.

Zero went to grab his wallet and keys, and then he gave Jude a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jude said. He felt a little bit guilty about letting Zero walk out of the house looking like he’d just woken up, but not enough to remind him to fix hair he’d been running his fingers through.

Emily started crying again the moment the door closed behind Zero. Jude tried to distract her with every toy in the condo, including bunny, and when that didn’t work he picked her up. He walked from room to room, rubbing Emily’s back and bouncing her a little bit. He even tried singing softly, but nothing soothed her.

After five minutes Jude better understood Zero’s frantic phone call. He already wanted to cry in sympathy of the pain Emily must be experiencing. Jude spoke to Emily in a low voice, as much for his own sanity as to assure Emily that someone was there, even though they weren’t able to ease her distress.

Jude couldn’t help watching the clock – it was almost twenty minutes on the dot when Zero returned. He came in like a whirlwind, brandishing a plastic bag he upended on the island.

“I found the first open pharmacy,” Zero said, sounding like he’d drank too much Red Bull. “I think I freaked the clerk out. She asked if she could help me as if she thought I was gonna whip out a gun and start shooting. She looked even worse when I told her I had a teething baby at home.”

Zero sorted through the items on the counter and held one up. “Baby Tylenol.” He opened it while he continued speaking. “Luckily there was a janitor there whose wife had recently had a baby, so he could tell me what we need. We can’t overdo this,” Zero said as he concentrated on filling the dropper.

Jude held Emily while Zero slowly fed her the medicine, making sure she didn’t spit it out or choke on it.

Next Zero held up, “Baby Orajel Naturals.” He opened the package and squeezed some gel onto Jude’s finger. “You’ve already had your finger in her mouth.”

“You just don’t want her to bite you,” Jude said as he reached into Emily’s mouth, open to let out unhappy wails, and rubbed the gel onto her gums on the side where she’d chewed on his finger.

Emily quieted almost immediately as the numbing agent took effect, but she still sniffled and let out pitiful little sobs.

“This should help,” Zero said. He ripped open a package of gel teething rings. “They work better chilled, but it’s better than nothing.” Zero rinsed off one before handing it to Jude.

Emily immediately began chewing on the ring, letting the little nubs sooth her gum.

“Maybe she’ll eat something now,” Jude said, but neither of them moved to get her a bottle, afraid to upset the delicate balance they’d achieved.

Zero washed the other two teething rings and put them in the fridge. “I also picked up a thermometer,” he said.

“Maybe we should check, just in case,” Jude said.

Zero opened the thermometer and fidgeted with it for a few seconds before pressing the top to the inside of Emily’s ear. “100,” he read when it beeped. “Is that normal?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Jude said, though he was getting ready to leap himself. “It’s probably from the teething. Is there someone we can call?”

“I called you!”

“Okay, well, why don’t we Google it?” Jude said.

Jude walked Emily and rubbed her back while Zero went to his laptop.

“Babies normally teeth at six months, but it can happen as early as three,” Zero read off the screen. “A temperature of under 102 is normal for teething.”

“Okay,” Jude said, then with more relief, “Okay.”

“We’re good, right?”

“Yeah, I think we’re good.”

Zero watched Jude walk Emily around the kitchen, rock her a little bit, and then he moved away from the island to reheat a bottle. “She must be starving. She’ll probably eat now that she’s not so unhappy.”

Emily fussed a little bit when they traded the teething ring for the bottle, but then she started sucking on it as if she hadn’t eaten for days. Given how many feedings she had fussed through, it wasn’t far off.

“She’s gonna be pissed when I take that way to burp her,” Jude said as he watched Emily suckle.

“She’ll be more unhappy later if you don’t,” Zero said.

Emily did fuss when Jude pulled the nipple out of her mouth, but her complaints didn’t last too long. Jude wondered if she was high on endorphins, or something, now that he ache in her gums had been soothed.

Emily started to fall asleep before she finished the bottle. Her eyelids drooped shut, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks as she stopped sucking, then started up again. Jude gave her one last time over his shoulder and then laid her on the towel for Zero to change her diaper.

Zero carried Emily to the bedroom. Jude followed, stopping in the doorway. He watched as Zero laid Emily in her pillow fort and then carefully pulled his hands away from her and stood still as a statue. They both held their breath, afraid the slightest movement or sound would disturb her.

Zero tiptoed to the doorway where he and Jude watched Emily snuffle in her sleep. Jude reached out blindly and grabbed Zero’s arm. Zero closed his other hand over Jude’s. Jude didn’t know which of them was offering comfort to the other.

Eventually they brought themselves to move. Zero led the way back to the kitchen where it took Jude a few moments of staring at each other to realize that they’d somehow gone from clutching each other in relief to holding hands. Jude extricated his hand as quickly as he could and Zero ran both of his over his head.

“Thanks for coming over,” Zero said.

“Of course I came,” Jude said, then, “Of _course_.”

Zero nodded, more acknowledgment than agreement, and then looked at the baby items scattered across the island. He let out a huff of air. “I was scared,” he admitted.

“So was I,” Jude said. He squeezed Zero’s arm. “But we figured it out, right?”

Zero glanced down at Jude’s hand, then raised his eyes to Jude’s face. “Yeah, we did.”

Jude felt the electricity build between them until the air was crackling with it. He tried to look away from Zero’s eyes, to uncurl his fingers from around Zero’s arm, but he could do neither. Zero’s gaze dropped to Jude’s mouth, and Jude reflexively licked his lips.

Zero’s eyes darkened, and Jude’s stomach flip-flopped. When Zero moved, it was slow. Jude didn’t know if Zero was giving him a chance to stop him, or if time itself had slowed. Jude did know that he _should_ stop this, that there was a reason he’d gone home last night. If he could only remember what that reason was, and why it was so important.

Zero’s lips were dry, and his mouth tasted like stale coffee and the Red Bull he must’ve picked up when he got Emily’s medicine, which Jude didn’t begrudge him because he’d been up for hours in the early morning. Jude’s fingers tightened on Zero’s arm, and he kissed Zero back.

Zero’s arms went around Jude, and they both took a step forward at the same time. They got off balance and crashed into the island. They broke the kiss and stared at each other in horror as they both listened to see if they’d woken Emily.

They breathed simultaneous sigh’s of relief when the silence remained unbroken. Jude looked at them, his hand still on Zero’s arm, Zero’s arm around him, their bodies pressed together as they leaned awkwardly against the island, afraid to move. Zero gave Jude a resigned look and loosened his hold.

Jude squeezed Zero’s arm again, and slid his other hand around the back of Zero’s neck. “Be quiet,” Jude said, and then he kissed the look of surprise off Zero’s face.

They careened around the kitchen, catching themselves before they knocked over a stool or jostled the contents of the refrigerator. Jude ended up with his back pressed against the sink as they kissed and ground their hips together. The kisses were messy and frantic, desperate and hungry, and then it was barely a kiss at all because it was all they could do to breathe as they each drew closer to release.

Zero said Jude’s name and it came out broken. He closed his mouth on Jude’s jaw, his neck, biting back the words that built on his tongue as if that would be enough to keep himself from saying Jude’s name like that again.

Jude had missed this, missed being with Zero, and he wanted to drag his name out of Zero’s throat, wanted to hear the sound of it, rough and jagged. He released Zero’s arm and shoved that hand between them. Zero’s groan sounded like broken glass when Jude palmed Zero through his sweat pants. Jude couldn’t hold back a sound of his own when Zero closed his teeth on Jude’s neck. Zero reached for Jude, and he could barely remember to make his own fingers work with Zero’s hand on him.

Jude shoved his hand beneath the waistband of Zero’s sweats and felt the vibration of Zero’s mewl against his neck before there was a sharp sting. Zero’s hand pushed into Jude’s lounge pants and they clutched at each other as they raced to see who could get the other off first. Soft grunts and harsh breaths filled the air, and Jude was extremely glad that Emily didn’t wake up just then because he wasn’t sure even her wail would be enough to pull them apart. (Or maybe her cries were the only thing that would. In any case, she didn’t wake, so they didn’t have to find out.)

Zero came first, but Jude didn’t have bragging rights because he followed him over so closely that it was almost a tie. They both went stiff against each other as they spilled over the other’s hand. They collapsed against each other and Jude was glad he had the counter at his back to help prop them up. Zero panted against Jude’s neck, and Jude struggled to catch his own breath.

As the heat of arousal faded, and the come cooled on his hands, reality began to intrude. Zero stiffened when he felt Jude draw back, and they both disengaged their hands carefully in an attempt to not get come on their clothes. Jude followed Zero to the guest bath to clean up so they didn’t disturb Emily. They’d done this before, but it felt different this time. Awkward.

“Jude,” Zero said.

Jude shook his head. “Don’t, not now. Go lay down, get some sleep.”

Zero looked like he wanted to say something, but he pressed his lips together and nodded.

Jude said, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Zero looked surprised, pleased, but then he schooled his expression. “Thanks.”

Jude waited for Zero to leave the bathroom before he looked at himself in the mirror. His skin was still flushed and he could see the mark Zero had left on his neck. Jude ducked his head and rinsed out the cloth he’d used to wipe come from his belly.

Jude returned to the kitchen without checking on Zero. He sorted the items on the island, threw out the trash, and rinsed the bottle. Jude checked the contents of the fridge and the freezer, and caught himself just staring. Jude closed the freezer door and swallowed hard. Even though there were so many reasons he shouldn’t, Jude knew what he had to do.

Jude went to look in on Zero and Emily, both sleeping peacefully, and then he made sure he had his wallet and keys and left.


	3. chapter three

Jude was sitting at the island going over a contract on his laptop when he heard the first sounds of Emily waking. His heart lurched in panic and he glanced at the medicine grouped together on the island before he slid off the stool and hurried to the bedroom. Emily was getting more vocal as she came more fully awake, and Zero stirred in his sleep.

Jude put his knee on the bed and leaned over to touch Zero’s shoulder before he was drawn too far out of sleep. “Go back to sleep, I’ve got her,” he said softly.

Zero stopped his struggle up through layers of sleep at the sound of Jude’s voice. Jude picked up Emily and she began to fuss now that she knew that relief for whatever ailed her was near. Jude pulled the bedroom door closed behind him so they wouldn’t disturb Zero, presuming that Emily didn’t go into a full-blown meltdown.

Jude had already checked the baby Tylenol and it was too early for another dose. He put some more of the baby Orajel on Emily’s gum, and then gave her a teething ring from the fridge to keep her occupied while he changed her diaper.

Emily gnawed on the ring and drooled, kicking her feet to make it more difficult for Jude to wipe her down and slide a clean diaper beneath her. Emily was happy to have the teething ring, but Jude knew that could change on a dime. He buckled her into the carrier so he could fix her bottle.

Jude counted down the seconds as the formula heated in the microwave, prepared any moment for Emily to voice her displeasure at being kept waiting. He tested the temperature of the formula on the inside of his wrist and then threw a towel over his shoulder before getting Emily out of the car seat.

Jude carried Emily into the living room and settled himself on the couch. With Emily cradled in the crook of his arm, Jude pulled the teething ring out of her mouth and replaced it with the nipple. Emily complained until she realized what Jude had put in her mouth. Emily finished the bottle, burped like a champ, and went back to working on the teething ring.

Jude figured it was a toss-up whether she’d be overtired and unable to fall back to sleep, or if a morning of crying would’ve taken its toll and she’d be out like a light. Emily fought it, but it wasn’t long before her eyes were drooping closed, the teething ring lying slack in her mouth. Jude took the ring from her fingers when they loosened, and wiped formula and drool off her chin. Jude could’ve put her back on the bed, or in the car seat so he could do some more work, but instead he stayed on the couch, holding her while she slept, looking for traces of Zero in her features.

Jude was still on the couch when Zero came out from the bedroom, hair sticking up, face creased where he’d pressed it to the pillow. He stumbled to a stop and stared at Jude, uncomprehending.

“I didn’t hear her,” Zero said, his tone declaring himself a horrible parent.

“You did,” Jude assured him. Zero most certainly would’ve roused if Emily had let out a wail. “I told you to go back to sleep.”

Zero scrubbed his face. “I don’t remember.” He sniffed the air. “Is that Indian?”

“I thought you could use the pick-me-up,” Jude said.

Zero took a closer look at Jude. “You went out.”

“I needed to get dressed,” Jude said. And shower, he didn’t say. “I picked up some food while I was out.” He’d also packed another duffel and dropped off his dry cleaning.

“I could eat,” Zero said, his gaze moving over the shorts and t-shirt Jude had changed into.

“Let me just put her down,” Jude said, sliding towards the front of the couch cushion.

Jude tried to ignore the way Zero watched him, tried to ignore the fact that Zero was still wearing the same sweats Jude had shoved his hand down earlier. Jude’s face heated and he hurried past Zero, hoping he didn’t notice.

When Jude returned to the kitchen after placing Emily inside her pillow fort and making sure bunny was within reach, Zero had gotten out plates, and the food had been spread out on the counter. Jude hated re-heated take-out, but there’d been no other choice than to put it in the fridge since he didn’t know when Zero would wake up.

“You picked up your laptop,” Zero said, ultra-casual, as he loaded up his plate.

“Yeah,” Jude said. Now would be the time to tell Zero that he’d also brought enough suits to last him the week, but Jude chickened out.

They carried their plates into the living room and Zero flipped through the channels until he found a farcical SyFy movie. He grinned at Jude and sat back to eat as they watched an absurd sea monster terrorize a resort town.

After the movie was over they did their dishes. Zero went to take a shower and Jude went back to the contract. When Zero came out, hair wet and un-gelled, wearing an undershirt and a pair of boxers, he held Emily in his arms.

“I didn’t hear her wake up,” Jude said.

“She just started to make noise, so I figured I might as well bring her out.”

Emily stretched and blinked her eyes. With his gaze on her, Zero said, “Your duffel bag is in the guestroom. And your suits are in the closet.”

“Yeah,” Jude said. “I’ll stay the nights. If you still want me to.”

Zero raised his eyes to Jude. “Of course I want, stupid.”

Jude smiled, then let it fade. “What happened this morning . . . We can’t do that again.”

“I get it, Jude,” Zero said. “I’ll try to give you as much space as I can while you’re here.”

Jude didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. It was what he wanted, after all.

“Thank you,” Zero said.

Jude nodded again.

“I mean it, thank you. You don’t have to do this, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.” Zero moved in and gave Jude a one-armed hug while Emily looked on. He pressed a kiss to Jude’s temple, and then buried his face in Jude’s neck.

“I’d never leave you to do this on your own,” Jude said.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Zero said.

Jude wondered if those words tasted as much like ash in Zero’s mouth as they had in his.

~*~

Monday morning Jude stopped in to see Lionel at the Arena. Lionel looked up from the papers she was reviewing. When she saw that it was Jude who had intruded on her privacy, Lionel dropped the papers onto the desk and regarded Jude until he felt uncomfortable enough to say, “What?”

Lionel made herself more comfortable in the big chair. “What happened Saturday night when Zero got home?”

“Why?” Jude said warily.

Lionel deliberated silently, then picked up a newspaper and tossed it in Jude’s direction.

“What’s this?” Jude said as he took the paper. “Oh.” The photo on the front page was of Zero from Sunday morning when he’d run out to get medicine for Emily. The headline read _Zero Proof – Devils Star Player On A Bender?_

In all fairness, Zero’s bloodshot eyes and messy hair combined with an expression of extreme concentration did make it appear as if he’d had a bit too much to drink. Jude glanced at the date of the paper – that day – as he reached for his phone.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jude told Lionel. He pulled up his contacts and called Zero.

“Jude!” Zero said, sounding surprised, but pleased to hear from him.

“Has the agency called you?” Jude said without preamble.

“Uh, no. Why?”

“I’m gonna send you a photo,” Jude said. He pulled up his camera and took a picture of the front page of the paper and sent it to Zero, then went back to the call. “It’s sent.”

“Just got it,” Zero said, “hold on.” A moment later Zero was back. “Shit! I didn’t even see anyone. You know I . . .”

“Yeah,” Jude said, “I do know. But the agency’s going to want to know if they need to get ahead of this.”

Zero sighed. “I’ll call Lucas.”

“Alright,” Jude said. He ended the call before he could ask Zero how much he was going to tell Lucas. To Lionel he said, “Remember how fussy Emily was Saturday night?”

“Yes,” Lionel, who’d been watching Jude with interest, said.

“She started teething. It was pretty ugly.”

“Is she alright?” Lionel said, worried.

“We’ve achieved a balance where she’s not perfectly content, but she’s not crying her eyes out every second, so we’ll take it,” Jude said.

Lionel gave Jude a look.

“What now?”

“We?”

Jude shrugged. “I went back to my apartment Saturday night after Zero got home. I told him I couldn’t . . . He called me the next morning, frantic. I could barely hear him over Emily’s cries. I went over, we figured it out, and we got through it.”

“You felt guilty for leaving,” Lionel surmised.

“Of course I did,” Jude said.

Lionel studied Jude. “You moved back in.”

“It’s temporary,” Jude said. “Until he gets a nanny, or something.”

“Sure,” Lionel said.

“It is.”

Lionel tilted her head as she studied Jude. “There’s something else going on.”

“What?” Jude shifted in his seat. “No.”

Lionel got a gleam in her eyes. “You’re not telling me everything.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Jude said.

Lionel’s face cleared. “You slept with him.”

“No,” Jude started to deny, then he said, “Fine, once, but it’s not going to happen again.”

Lionel’s expression showed how little she believed that.

“It’s not,” Jude insisted. “It was adrenaline, relief, like, thank goodness the baby stopped crying and fell asleep.”

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” Lionel said.

“It was . . .” _Intense._ “You had to be there.”

“I’m kind of glad I wasn’t,” Lionel said dryly.

“Shut up,” Jude said without heat.

Lionel’s laughter followed him out into the corridor.

~*~

Jude looked up at the knock on his door. Zero stood there holding Emily’s carrier, the diaper bag over his shoulder.

“Zero!” Jude rushed over. “Did they call you in?”

“No, I . . . I called the meeting.”

“You’re going to tell them?”

“It was stupid to think I wouldn’t have to,” Zero said. “You were right. You can say ‘I told you so’ now.”

“Maybe later,” Jude said, ignoring the little flare of warmth in his chest. “Did you want me to watch her while you’re in the meeting?”

“No,” Zero said. “I mean, I was hoping you’d go with me.”

“You want me to go to the meeting with you?” Jude repeated.

“Yes, Jude,” Zero said. “I could use the moral support.”

“They’re not going to want me there,” Jude said.

“I want you there, they’ll let you stay. I’ve been told I can be a bit of a diva,” Zero said with a self-deprecating smile.

“No!” Jude said, then turned serious. “I’ll go if you want me to.”

“I do. Thank you.”

Jude took the diaper bag and walked beside Zero. The conference room was empty when they got there, but Lucas came in on their heels.

“Zero,” Lucas said, extending his hand.

Zero studied Lucas’s hand as he set the carrier on the table, and then he took it. “Lucas.”

“Jude,” Lucas said. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked him to be here,” Zero said with finality.

Lucas looked like he was going to ignore Zero’s tone, but just then Samuel Jacobs walked into the conference room trailing junior agents and secretaries.

“No,” Zero said. “No. Just you two, everybody else out.”

Jacobs gave Zero a look, but Zero stood his ground. “I mean it. They go, or this meeting doesn’t happen.”

Jacobs waved his hand and everyone that had been following him disappeared as if they’d never been there, though they couldn’t hide their curiosity, especially when they saw that Jude was remaining.

“You wanna tell us why Jude is here?” Lucas said, now that he thought he’d have Jacobs backing him up.

Jude walked over to the table and dropped the diaper bag on it. “I’m here to watch the baby,” he said.

“Baby?” Jacobs said. Both his and Lucas’s gazes moved to the table as if they were just noticing the baby carrier.

“This is Emily,” Zero said. “My daughter.”

At the sound of her name, Emily paused in gnawing on the teething ring and looked up at Jude. Jude made a face at her and let her grab his finger. There was silence at Zero’s pronouncement, and when Jude glanced up, everyone was staring at Emily. Well, Jacobs and Lucas were staring at Emily; Zero was watching Jude.

“How do you know this is your child?” Jacobs said.

“Her mother dropped her off Tuesday; she told me I was the father,” Zero said.

“We’ll get a paternity test,” Lucas said immediately.

“No,” Zero said. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you about Emily before, even though Jude told me I should.”

Jacobs slid a look towards Jude that said there’s be some explaining in his future.

“I wanted to keep this quiet because I didn’t know how long I’d even have Emily. Her mother is going to want her back, and I’m certainly not in a position to fight for custody. The only reason I’m telling you about her now is because of that photo in this morning’s paper. I was at the pharmacy picking up medicine because Em had started teething.”

Jacobs winced in sympathy.

“If we need to say anything, it’ll just be that I’m helping out a friend,” Zero said.

Jacobs studied Zero, then said, “Alright. We’ll play it low-key. Come up with a tweet we can send out that denies everything and admits nothing.” Jacobs gave Jude another look before leaving the conference room.

Jude tried to ignore Zero’s and Lucas’s conversation as they worked on the tweet. Emily started to fuss and Jude was glad for the distraction. He unbuckled her and picked her up. Jude pretended he couldn’t feel Zero’s eyes on him as he walked Emily around the table.

“Jude, what do you think?” Zero said a few minutes later.

“About what?” Jude said.

“The tweet,” Zero said. He brought his phone over for Jude to read the draft tweet. Along with a copy of the photo from the front page was the text _Any parent with a teething baby can sympathize_

Jude hesitated to offer his advise, but Zero had asked for it, so he said, “I’d remove the reference to parent, otherwise they’re going to jump to conclusions you don’t want them to.”

“What do you think instead, then?”

“Make it more general, like, anyone who’s spent time with a teething baby, and maybe switch out sympathize for ‘can relate’.”

Zero ducked his head and typed on the screen. Jude caught Lucas watching, his expression half-speculative, half-glare. Jude turned away and focused on Emily while Zero and Lucas finalized the tweet.

Zero hit send, then pushed his hand through his hair and let out a heavy breath. “Okay, cat’s out of the bag, what do we do now?”

Zero was looking at Lucas, but Jude felt as if the question had been directed to him. He had to bite his tongue to not answer.

“We see what the reaction is, and frame our response accordingly,” Lucas said. “Like Samuel said, deny everything, admit nothing. And refrain from taking her out in public right now, like to the grocery store, so we can control the media on this. We don’t want any unauthorized photos out there.”

Jude handed Emily to Zero because it was actually pretty soothing to hold her. When she wasn’t crying, anyway.

“Even if . . . Emily,” Lucas stumbled over her name, “is only with you on a temporary basis, if she remains for more than a few weeks we’ll need to think about child care. Training camp opens in a couple of weeks.”

“I know,” Zero said absently, distracted by the faces he was making at Emily. “Jude set up a doctor appointment and got an application for the daycare downstairs.”

“Did he,” Lucas said.

Jude glanced at Lucas, then away. Zero, despite appearing to be more focused on Emily than the conversation, caught Lucas’s tone.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Zero said to Lucas. “I called Jude because he _wasn’t_ my agent.”

Jude wasn’t sure whether that made things better or worse, because now Lucas was going to wonder what, exactly, Jude _was_ to Zero.

~*~

Jude got out of a meeting with Jacobs because another client did something even worse than having a bloodshot-eyed photo released. Jude was forgotten in the confusion as the agency when into crisis mode, but that only meant he got to wonder when Jacobs would remember the situation with Zero and Emily and call Jude into his office for an explanation.

Jude reviewed contracts and otherwise kept his head down. Being in limbo gave him time to monitor the replies to Zero’s tweet. Some were understanding, some accused him of lying, and some asked whether the baby was Zero’s despite the general language in the tweet.

While Jude was contemplating calling Zero, another tweet notification popped up. _thx for condolences, the baby and I are both fine after a good night’s sleep_

And then another. _helping out a friend_

Before Jude could decide whether those tweets had been a good idea, Lucas stuck his head into Jude’s office. “Did you tell Zero to send those tweets?”

Jude shook his head. “I just saw them.”

Lucas gave Jude a look that spoke volumes about his disbelief, then left. Jude figured he’d gotten off lightly. He didn’t know what he’d say if someone pushed him on his ‘friendship’ with Zero, especially given that he’d quit as Zero’s agent.

Jude’s phone beeped again. Zero had posted a photo of him holding Emily. He was making a face at the camera and Emily was drooling around a hot pink teething ring. _she’s real!_

Jude touched the screen with his thumb and smiled. He quickly saved the photo to his phone, then looked around as if someone might’ve observed his stupidly sentimental move.

~*~

Jude’s shoulders didn’t relax until he pulled up in front of Zero’s condo. He let himself in and took a moment to just breathe. Zero poked his head out of the living room.

“Thought we heard you come in.” He bounced Emily. “How’d today go?”

“Someone did something stupider than you, so we were mostly forgotten. I saw your tweets.” Jude bent his head to press a kiss to Emily’s head.

“What did you think?”

Jude straightened and found himself face-to-face with Zero. “You handled it well,” Jude said.

The corners of Zero’s lips quirked at the compliment.

“You should get that photo framed,” Jude teased.

“Maybe I will,” Zero said.

Jude took a step back.

“You got work tonight?” Zero indicated Jude’s briefcase.

“No,” Jude said. “Habit.”

Zero turned and went back into the living room. Jude followed him, and kept going through to the guestroom. He set his briefcase on the bed and slipped out of his jacket.

“I was thinking we could order pizza for supper,” Zero said.

Jude’s fingers fumbled with the knot at his throat, but he pretended they hadn’t. He glanced over his shoulder at Zero. “Are you sure you should be eating that many carbs this close to training camp?”

Jude had to turn away at the expression of outrage on Zero’s face so Zero wouldn’t see the start of a smile on his.

“I’ll have you know that I’m in better shape now than I was when the season ended,” Zero said.

Jude pulled the tie off and hung it in the closet, then raised his fingers to the buttons at his throat. “If you say so,” he said, infusing as much doubt into the words as he could.

“Yes I fucking say so!” Zero said.

“Language,” Jude said mildly.

There was a moment of silence, and Jude couldn’t resist another glance over his shoulder. Zero was just staring at him. Jude raised an eyebrow.

“You asshole,” Zero said softly.

Jude ducked his head so Zero couldn’t see his grin. “Also,” he said, and then had to start again. “You’re a role model now, so you should eat more vegetables.”

“I’ll get you a veggie pie and _you_ can be the role model,” Zero said.

Jude let out a chuckle, and glanced back to see Zero still watching him. Jude slipped the shirt off his shoulders. Zero cleared his throat.

“I’ll just, um, go order the pizza.”

Jude closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he finished changing out of his suit. Emily was lying on the gym mat and Zero was tucked into the corner of the couch with an east coast baseball game on the television. He glanced at Jude, eyes running over the worn jeans and soft t-shirt before returning to the tv screen.

“I ordered the pizza,” Zero said.

Jude nodded. He watched Emily play with the hanging mirror with one hand while the other retained a death grip on the teething ring that was in her mouth. Jude ducked into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of beer out of the fridge. He opened them before taking them with him into the living room. Jude held out one of the bottles to Zero, who raised an eyebrow before taking it.

“Are you sure I should have this?”

“Don’t worry,” Jude said lightly as he sat, leaving a little space between them. “You’re still the prettiest boy on the team.” He stared hard at the television screen so he wouldn’t be tempted to turn his head and see the expression on Zero’s face.

Finally Zero said, “You probably say that to all the boys.”

Jude smiled. “Only the pretty ones.”

After a few minutes Jude forgot to feel uncomfortable or awkward. He relaxed into the couch and divided his attention between the game and Emily, who fell asleep with the teething ring in her mouth, and every once in a while ground it between her gums in her sleep.

Emily didn’t stir when the doorbell rang. Zero went to the door to get the pizza; Jude dropped a blanket over Emily on his way to the kitchen. He had two plates and a handful of napkins on the counter by the time Zero came in and dropped two boxes next to them. Zero got out two more bottles of beer and popped the tops while Jude opened the boxes. The first was a meat lovers; Jude laughed when he saw that the second was indeed veggie. Jude put one of each on his plate and took the fresh bottle Zero handed him.

They ate in front of the television until they were both stuffed. Jude carried their plates and his empty bottle to the kitchen. He rinsed out the bottle and dropped it in with the other returnables, rinsed the dishes and stacked them in the dishwasher, and bagged the leftover slices of pizza. Jude raised his head and froze – Zero was standing in the doorway, watching him.

“You don’t have to do this,” Zero said.

Jude raised an eyebrow and continued towards the refrigerator. “I didn’t notice you stopping me.”

Zero shrugged. “I like watching you move around my kitchen like you belong there.”

Slowly Jude straightened and closed the door, giving himself time to think. “Zero,” Jude said.

Emily made waking up sounds before Jude could finish his thought.

Zero’s lips tightened. “I know,” he said.

Zero left to attend to Emily, and Jude just stood there, trying to catch his breath. Jude busied himself fixing Emily’s bottle while Zero changed her diaper. He handed over the bottle when Emily was snapped back into her pajamas.

Jude led the way back to the living room and they retook their seats on the couch. Jude tried to keep his attention on the game, but it kept drifting to Zero and Emily. Zero caught Jude watching more than once, but he didn’t say anything, for which Jude was extremely grateful.

After Emily was fed and burped, Zero deposited her in Jude’s lap so he could take the bottle and towel out to the kitchen. Jude was happy for the distraction. At least, until Zero came back and watched Jude the way Jude had been watching him. He did bring a fresh teething ring with him that Emily gnawed voraciously.

When Emily’s feet stopped kicking, Jude realized that she’d fallen asleep. He glanced over to tell Zero, only to discover that Zero had also fallen asleep. Jude smiled and looked at Zero, unable to drag his eyes away. Jude finally did manage, and he rose to his feet and carried Emily to the bedroom.

Once Emily was safely inside her pillow fort Jude went back to get Zero. He stared for a few seconds more, and then reached over to turn off the television. When Jude glanced back at him, Zero’s eyelids were blinking slowly. “What’s wrong?” Zero said, voice rough with sleep.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jude said. “Bedtime.”

“Time’s it?” Zero said as he let Jude pull him to his feet.

Jude told him.

“Oh, god, I’m getting old,” Zero said.

“No, this is what happens when a baby wakes you up during the night,” Jude assured him.

Zero leaned into Jude and breathed in deeply. “You smell good.”

“I smell like you because I used your shampoo this morning,” Jude said dryly.

Zero hummed happily. “I like when you smell like me.”

Jude blushed, but thankfully Zero didn’t appear to notice. The last time Zero had said something like that had been under very different circumstances, and shampoo hadn’t been involved.

~*~

Jude was called into Jacobs’s office the next morning.

“Are you sleeping with Zero?” Jacobs asked baldly.

Jude opened his mouth in surprise, though he couldn’t really say that he hadn’t been expecting something like this. Since he didn’t think Jacobs was talking about sharing the same bed with a baby ensconced between them in a pillow fort, Jude said, “No.”

“Do you want to sleep with him?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Jude said.

Jacobs gave Jude a look that held understanding. “Is that why you resigned as Zero’s agent?”

“Yes,” Jude said. It was close enough to the truth.

“Why did he call you about the baby?”

“Emily,” Jude supplied. At Jacobs’s look, he said, “Zero hasn’t exactly made a lot of friends in L.A.”

“He’s important to this firm,” Jacobs said.

“I’m aware, Mr. Jacobs.”

“Good. Go make sure he doesn’t do anything that we can’t fix.”

“Yes, sir.”

When Zero picked Jude up that afternoon for Emily’s doctor appointment, Jude told him about the conversation.

“What exactly does he expect you to do?” Zero said.

Jude shrugged.

“What does he think _I’m_ gonna do?”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want another prostitution scandal,” Jude said wryly.

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” Zero said, and Jude laughed.

At the doctor’s office Jude gave their names to the receptionist and they were whisked to a private room to wait. Jude kept Emily occupied while Zero filled out the forms the receptionist had given them.

“I don’t even know her last name,” Zero said.

“Just use yours,” Jude said.

“Zero doesn’t have one,” Zero said, as if Jude needed the reminder.

“Gideon does,” Jude said.

Zero gave Jude a speculative look, and then went back to filling out what little they knew about Emily’s medical history. Jude was feeling pretty positive before Dr. Paula Chen stepped into the exam room, but when they left he was feeling overwhelmed with all the information they’d learned. Dr. Chen had measured Emily, and weighed her. She’d checked Emily’s heart and eyes and ears. She checked the soft spot on Emily’s head, and her reflexes, and her legs for hip joint problems.

Dr. Chen asked questions – so many questions: how was she sleeping, eating, bowel movements, her hearing, her eyes. They found out that Emily would start rolling over soon, if she wasn’t already. That she should get in some belly time and practice sitting up. And that she might need to go on solid foods soon. Dr. Chen could only estimate Emily’s age, and she couldn’t give her any further immunization shots until she knew when Emily had last received them.

They were both in a state of shock when they walked back out to the reception area. Jude turned when the receptionist called, “Mr. Kinkade!”

“Your paperwork.” She brandished a stack of papers.

“I’ll get it,” Zero said, since Jude had the carrier.

Jude frowned at Zero. He was acting squirrely now, just like he’d done when Dr. Chen had first come into the exam room. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zero said.

Jude grabbed the papers out of Zero’s hand and read the name at the top: Emily Kinkade. “Why didn’t you just use your own name?”

Zero fidgeted. “I told you.”

Jude glanced back at the papers and found the parent’s name: Gideon Kinkade. “Seriously?” Jude bit back the first three things that leapt to his tongue. He waited for the elevator doors to open before saying, “For someone who didn’t want anyone to know we were together before, you’re not being very subtle.”

Jude smashed the papers against Zero’s chest and didn’t wait for him to catch hold of them before he exited the elevator with a flair he’d learned from Lionel. Zero reached Jude before he could push out of the building and opened the door for him. Jude accepted the assist, but didn’t say anything.

“I’m not ashamed of you, if that’s what you think,” Zero said.

Jude gave Zero an exasperated look. He grabbed the car door handle and nearly lost a nail when his fingers slid off because it was still locked. Jude gave Zero a look, and he pulled out the keys to unlock the door without a word.

Jude ducked into the backseat and pretended that his concentration on getting Emily’s seat in the car was too deep for him to pay any attention to what Zero was saying. Jude straightened and closed the door. “I need to get back to the office.”

The first half of the drive was silent, then Zero said, “You know what this means.”

Jude looked at Zero, because he didn’t know what he was talking about, much less what it meant.

“We need to find Sally,” Zero said.

Jude hummed in agreement.

“I figured she’d be back,” Zero said. “And I was afraid that if I found her she’d take Emily away.” He glanced at Jude. “I know that doesn’t make sense, since I expected her to come back anyway.”

It did. Finding Sally meant taking an active part in her return, in losing Emily.

“I know a guy,” Jude said. “A P.I. named Stafford Bilcheck. I’ll give you his number.”

Zero fished out his phone and handed it to Jude, who input Stafford’s contact information. Zero by-passed the parking lot and pulled up to the front doors of the office building to let Jude out.

“I’ll probably be late,” Jude said as he handed back the phone. He had to make up for the time he’d taken off to go with Zero to Emily’s doctor appointment. Jude stood on the curb and watched Zero pull away. When he turned to go into the building, Lucas was standing there, watching him.

“Did you need something?” Jude said, covering his surprise.

“No,” Lucas said absently. “I was just heading out for a meeting.”

“Okay.” When Lucas didn’t make a move to continue on his way, Jude walked past him.

“I know why you dropped Zero as a client,” Lucas said.

Jude’s steps slowed and he forced himself to look at Lucas. “You think so?”

“You’re in love with him,” Lucas said.

Jude didn’t respond, but that was probably all the answer Lucas needed.

“I can see why you fell for him,” Lucas went on, not waiting to see if Jude would say anything. “He’s good looking, and I’m sure he can be charming when he wants to be,” Lucas said, sounding as if Zero’s charm was a phenomenon he’d never experienced personally.

Jude huffed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Two reasons,” Lucas said. “I’m going to butt in and remind you that this situation you’ve got going on right now is not healthy. And ask if you want to get a drink with me sometime.”

Jude had opened his mouth to respond to Lucas’s unsolicited advice, but the words dried up at the apparent invitation. “What?”

“Drinks,” Lucas repeated with a smirk.

“You want to go out with me for drinks,” Jude clarified. “Like, a date.”

“Yes,” Lucas said.

“Why now?”

“Because now I know you’re interested in guys,” Lucas said. “Unless it’s just one guy?”

“I-I don’t know,” Jude admitted. At Lucas’s look, he added, “This . . . he was my first.”

Lucas nodded. “First crushes are intense.” He checked his watch. “Well, I’ve got to get going. Let me know what you decide.”

Jude watched Lucas head for the parking lot, and then he stepped into the building and forgot about the invitation in the stack of files on his desk and unanswered e-mails in his inbox.

~*~

Zero was on the floor with Emily when Jude walked into the living room. They were lying on their stomachs, head to head. “What are you doing?”

“Tummy time,” Zero said as if it should be obvious.

Jude watched them until he caught himself. He dropped the bag of take-out on the island, and then went through to the guestroom to change out of his suit.

“What did you bring?” Zero said.

Jude told himself not to look, but he couldn’t resist. Zero was leaning against the doorframe, Emily hanging over his arm, chewing on a teething ring and drooling on Zero’s arm, though he didn’t appear to notice, or care. Jude forced himself to look away and said, “Salad.”

“You’re punishing me for the pizza,” Zero said.

“Salad’s not a punishment,” Jude said.

“Wait,” Zero said. “Where’d you get it from? Did you get it from that place?”

Before Jude could reply, Zero disappeared from the doorway. Jude smiled when he heard Zero’s voice from the kitchen.

“You did!” Followed a moment later by, “And you got the bread!”

When Jude got to the kitchen, Emily was buckled into her carrier, watching Zero as he set out the large salad which was big enough for both of them with some left over, and bowls. The bread was already sliced and letting off an aromatic steam.

“I love this salad,” Zero said when he saw Jude.

“I remember,” Jude said. He had to duck his head to hide his reaction to Zero’s smile.

They ate at the island. Zero poured himself a glass of filtered water out of the pitcher in the fridge and Jude had the same. The salad was loaded with grilled chicken, shredded mozzarella and carrot, slices of hard boiled egg, zucchini, cucumber, black olives and avocado, and grape tomatoes halved. It was filling and tasty, and the house dressing, an orange-basil vinaigrette that tasted like pineapple to Jude, was the icing on the cake.

Though Jude secretly thought that Zero’s fondness for the meal was due mostly to the bread rather than the salad, Jude couldn’t blame him, really. After the kitchen was cleaned up and Emily was down for a nap, Jude asked Zero about Stafford.

“I called him,” Zero said. “I told him everything I knew, which isn’t much, and he said he’d look into it.”

“Good,” Jude said.

Jude turned on the television and flipped away from ESPN to find a movie while Zero went to take a shower. He’d done his workout in the basement weight room after Emily’s doctor appointment and waited for Jude to come home so he didn’t leave Emily unattended while he showered.

When Jude glanced up to see Zero, towel wrapped around his hips, cross the hall from the guest bath to the master bedroom so he could get dressed, Jude wondered if he’d had an ulterior motive. Jude pretended to be very absorbed in the movie when Zero came out.

“About this afternoon,” Zero said after a minute.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jude said. “I shouldn’t have gotten so upset about it.”

“I didn’t just do it because I didn’t want to use my last name,” Zero said. “You’re a part of this, a part of my life.”

“This is just temporary,” Jude reminded Zero, barely getting the words out of his closed throat.

“What if I don’t want it to be?” Zero said.

“We don’t want the same things,” Jude said.

“You care about me,” Zero said. “And I care about you.”

Jude didn’t deny it, though he hoped Zero didn’t see the way his pulse leapt at the casual admission. Jude shook his head. “That’s not enough. I’d still be your dirty little secret.”

“There’s nothing dirty about the way we feel about each other,” Zero said.

“It would feel like there was.”

Jude went to bed in the guestroom. It was early, and he stared at the ceiling a long time before he fell asleep. Jude woke in the middle of the night when he heard Zero get up with Emily. Jude forced himself to get out of bed. He scrubbed his face and went out to the kitchen where Zero was changing Emily.

“I’ll get the bottle ready,” Jude said, heading for the feeding station Zero had set up with formula, bottles and distilled water.

“I’ve got it,” Zero said.

Jude stopped in the middle of reaching for the bottle. “I can help . . .”

“No,” Zero said, his voice hard. He smiled at Emily, and the expression was so far removed from the tone of his voice that it sent a cold shiver down Jude’s back. “You were right, it’s too hard. I’ll call Lucas tomorrow and get the name of a place to call for a nanny.”

Jude’s stomach felt heavy with dread. “Zero . . .”

“I shouldn’t have called you for this, and I shouldn’t have bothered you on Sunday when you’d made your position clear.”

“Of course you should’ve . . .” Jude watched, dazed as Zero buckled Emily into the car seat, and then reached around Jude to make up the bottle.

“You don’t need to stay up,” Zero said dismissively.

Jude stared at Zero’s back as he waited for the bottle to heat, and then he took a step towards the hallway.

“You’ve been a sports agent for a while now, and been immersed in the whole sports culture your entire life,” Zero said, causing Jude to pause. “What do you think is going to happen to me, to my career, if I come out? The locker room isn’t the most accepting place, and neither is the league, frankly.”

Zero glanced over his shoulder at Jude. “How does that fit your plans for us? Or didn’t it? Was it ever even a consideration?”

Before Jude could work up a response, Zero had gone back to ignoring him again.


	4. chapter four

Jude returned to bed, but he didn’t fall asleep – he laid awake staring at the ceiling and thinking. About the ultimatum he’d given Zero in the locker room that day, about what Zero had said just now in the kitchen, and about what he really wanted.

Jude heard Zero get up again with Emily and he had to stop himself from going out and offering to help. It felt like someone had punched him in the gut when he was forced to acknowledge that this was the first time since they’d met that Zero didn’t want his help. He wondered if Zero had felt this way when Jude walked away from him after the championship game.

Jude listened while Zero changed and fed Emily, speaking to her softly. He listened when Zero walked around the house with her, putting her back to sleep, and when Zero tucked her back into her pillow fort for what remained of the night. Zero laid down with her, but Jude could sense that he hadn’t fallen back to sleep. Jude wondered if Zero had been awake the whole time he had been, the noise in Jude’s own head so loud he hadn’t noticed.

It wasn’t long before Jude heard Zero moving around again. Jude waited to see if Zero was just getting a drink of water – or something stronger – before returning to bed, but when it appeared that Zero was staying up Jude slipped out of bed.

Zero didn’t look surprised to see Jude, but he did look resigned. “Figured you’d be up soon.”

“You knew I wasn’t sleeping?” Jude said. Zero merely shrugged in response, so Jude continued. “I was thinking. About what you said.”

Zero crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back on the stool. Jude had to shake his head to keep from getting distracted by the way the sleeves of the t-shirt stretched around Zero’s biceps.

“You made a valid and important point. I hadn’t been looking at things from your side.” Jude paused to see if Zero would say anything. He didn’t. Jude huffed. “You are not going to make this easy, are you?”

“What do you want me to say, Jude? That it’s okay that you just walked away when I was _trying_ , when I gave you more than I’d ever given anyone before you?”

Jude had to swallow hard before he could speak. “No. I want you to tell me that you’re open to a negotiation.”

Zero frowned. “Negotiation? For what?”

“A relationship,” Jude said causally, as if his whole world wasn’t balanced on Zero’s answer.

Zero huffed. “You want to negotiate a relationship.”

“Not talking about it didn’t work,” Jude said, “and negotiations are what I’m good at.”

“Alright.” Zero gestured towards Jude. “What have you got?”

“I agree that we keep our relationship between us and a few close friends – who we trust to not tell and who we decide on together, though Lionel’s going to figure it out so we might as well agree now that it’s okay for her to know.” Jude stopped babbling and added, “I’d like there to be some people we don’t have to pretend in front of.”

Zero looked like he was listening and actually considering Jude’s idea. “And what do I need to agree to in return?”

“You need to admit, to me, to yourself, that we _are_ in a relationship.”

Zero raised his eyebrows. “You don’t think I thought that?”

“That day,” Jude said, “in the locker room after the championship game. You said, again, I told you I don’t do relationships.”

Zero looked like he was remembering that day, those words.

“I think that’s why I pushed so hard for us to go public, because I didn’t know how else to get you to admit that we already were in a relationship.”

“I’m sorry,” Zero said.

Jude shook his head. “I’m not very good at asking for what I want, and believing I can _have_ what I want.”

“And this is what you want?” Zero said carefully. “Even if we have to keep us, our relationship, a secret?”

“Mostly a secret,” Jude said. “And not forever. One day we can be open, when you’ve retired, or when you feel safe in the locker room.”

“Are you sure?” Zero said. “Keeping us a secret, mostly a secret, might get old when the shine of new love, or whatever, wears off.”

“I hate to break it to you,” Jude said dryly, “but the shine wears off of all relationships. Or so I’ve heard. I think we’re worth putting in the work.”

Zero studied Jude. He started to reach for Jude even though they were separated by the island, and then he dropped his hands. “We should probably think about this before we make any major decisions at . . . 4AM,” Zero said after a glance at the clock on the microwave.

Jude felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over him. “Yes,” he said, forcing the word out even though his throat had closed up. “Of course. You should . . . do that. I’ll just . . . give you some space.”

Jude took a step back, then another, and then he turned and walked out of the kitchen because he didn’t think he was going to be able to hold it together for too much longer. He turned into the bathroom instead of continuing on to the guestroom; sleep was out of the question and he’d had enough of lying awake and staring at the ceiling. Jude turned the light on, but he didn’t stop to wash his face or brush his teeth because he couldn’t bear to look at his own reflection right now. He stripped out of his clothes on automatic and stepped into the shower. Jude turned on the spray and waited for it to warm up before moving so it fell on his shoulders.

Jude braced one hand on the tile and ducked his head so the water wet his hair and ran down his back, rained around his face so no one could see the tears he refused to let fall. Jude pressed the heel of his hand to stinging eyes and waited for the burn to lessen.

Jude raised his head when he heard a sound. He let the water rinse away any trace of unshed tears, and then wiped the water out of his eyes with both hands. Jude blinked when he saw Zero standing inside the bathroom. “What are you doing?”

“I’m done thinking,” Zero said. He pulled the undershirt off over his head and crumpled it between his hands. “I don’t know why I said I needed time to think; you were handing me everything I wanted on a silver platter. Maybe that’s why.” Zero tossed the shirt aside. “And you were right.” Zero shoved down his boxers and stepped out of them.

Jude’s eyes followed the movement. “A-about what?”

“We were in a relationship,” Zero said, “but I was afraid that if I admitted it, even to myself, admitted that you were different than anyone else, that would make it real, and I’d ruin it somehow. Did anyway.”

Jude took an automatic step back when Zero joined him in the shower. “What are you saying?”

Zero gave Jude a fondly exasperated look. “I’m saying that I accept the terms of your agreement, Jude.”

“You do?” Jude said, in lieu of anything even slightly intelligent.

Zero stepped into Jude’s space and bent his head until their cheeks were nearly rubbing. “I think now is when we seal the deal.”

Zero’s voice was rough and it sent a shiver down Jude’s spine. “That’s usually done with a handshake.”

“Is that what you want, Jude, a handshake?”

Jude turned his head and let his lips graze the soft hairs on Zero’s cheek. “No.”

“Thank god,” Zero said with enough relief that Jude knew some of it was real. Zero turned his own head and captured Jude’s lips, and Jude let out a breath that was almost a sob.

Jude brought his hands up, let the palms slide over Zero’s still mostly dry skin as he returned the gentle, almost chaste kiss. Zero touched his hand to Jude’s face, pressed his thumb to Jude’s jaw to tip his head back so he could deepen the kiss.

Jude dug his fingers into Zero’s back and moaned Zero’s name, the sound getting lost in Zero’s mouth.

Zero pushed his hand back, fingers combing through Jude’s hair, palm cradling the back of his head, protecting it from the tile. Jude let his own hands drop to Zero’s ass, imagining his nails leaving a trail to mark Zero’s back. Zero stepped closer, as if he’d just been waiting for permission to do so, and their groins came together. Jude had been soft, but his body had responded to Zero’s words as much as the body he revealed when he’d removed his clothes, and now Jude couldn’t bite back the moan as his cock slid against Zero’s stomach, at the hard press of Zero against his own stomach.

Jude slipped one hand up Zero’s back and clutched at his shoulder as they moved against each other. Zero released Jude’s lips, and Jude sucked in a deep breath. He tilted his head back as Zero’s lips trailed along his jaw and down his neck. Teeth grazed his skin and Jude was tempted to not speak out.

Remaining silent would violate the spirit, if not the letter of their agreement, and potentially put Jude in a position of having to explain to people that didn’t, couldn’t, know about him and Zero where he’d gotten the mark. Jude forced himself to raise his hand off Zero’s shoulder and push at Zero’s face.

“No marks we can’t explain,” Jude said.

Zero froze, and then he groaned against Jude’s skin, the vibration sending a shiver through Jude. Zero licked the spot where his teeth had been, and then he kissed it. “One day I’m going to mark you up, show everyone that you’re mine.”

Jude’s breath caught at the promise. “I didn’t think you were the possessive type,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

“Neither did I,” Zero said, sounding a little bit surprised at the realization. Zero gave Jude’s mouth a hard, quick kiss, and then he folded to his knees, sucking and biting his way down Jude’s body. The sting was sharper when Zero reached the crease of skin between thigh and groin.

“What are you doing?” Jude said, his gaze on the top of Zero’s head.

“Just because no one can see it, doesn’t mean I can’t mark you at all,” Zero said. He didn’t raise his face to Jude when he spoke, but studied the mark he’d left before deciding it needed to be darker, and pulled the skin back into his mouth.

Jude gripped Zero’s hair, but didn’t use it to pull him away. His head fell back, thudding against the tile since Zero’s hand was no longer there to pillow it. The tease of Zero’s mouth so close to his cock had Jude quivering with anticipation, but it was Zero’s words, and the mark he was sucking into Jude’s skin that had heat pooling low in his belly and his cock filling even more.

Zero finally decided that the mark he’d made was satisfactory, and moved his attention right where Jude needed it. He licked Jude’s balls and drew them into his mouth. Jude had to bite his lip when Zero hummed around them so he didn’t get loud and wake up Emily. Jude tugged on Zero’s hair, more a reminder than an admonishment to stop, but all it gained Jude was the slow swipe of Zero’s tongue up the length of his cock before he sucked the head into his mouth.

Jude’s vision went hazy and he struggled to draw air into his lungs. The good news was that he couldn’t make an involuntary sound. Zero rose to his feet, licking his lips, and smirked at Jude.

“Something wrong?”

“Fuck you,” Jude panted, most of his brain focused on his still-straining cock.

“Not sure we have time for that this morning,” Zero said, but he spun Jude around and pressed up against his back. Jude braced his hands on the tile and pushed back into the sensation of Zero’s cock against his ass.

Zero gripped Jude’s hip with one hand, holding him in place as he thrust against the swell of his ass, into the dip of his lower back. Before Jude could begin to feel neglected, Zero reached around Jude with his other hand and stroked him. Jude let out a sound and pushed into Zero’s hand.

“That’s it, Jude,” Zero said, “fuck my hand.”

A flush spread across Jude’s cheeks. It extended down his neck and across his shoulders – embarrassment and pleasure both. He closed his eyes and pushed into Zero’s hand. Zero slid his other hand up Jude’s side and around to his pectoral. His fingers found Jude’s nipple and teased it into a hard nub.

Jude was surrounded by the sensation of Zero – his hand on Jude’s cock and nipple, his cock sliding across Jude’s ass, his lips pressed to the back of Jude’s neck, warm breath feathering across his skin. Jude lost himself in the heat building in his stomach and spreading throughout his body. He was so close to the edge himself that he was surprised by Zero’s thrusts and the motion of his hands stilling, followed a moment later by the pulse of his cock against Jude’s ass, and the spill of come across his lower back.

Jude’s own hips stuttered into Zero’s slackened grip and his thighs trembled as he forced himself to stillness. Tension eased from Zero’s muscles and he let out a shuddering breath as if he’d just run a race. Zero pulled himself away from Jude’s back, and Jude felt the loss of contact, especially when Zero also released his cock. Jude huffed when Zero’s hand landed on Jude’s back and spread the come over his skin.

“Seriously?” Jude said, his voice tight with the strain of his arousal. Jude groaned when Zero reached back around him and used the come on his fingers to ease the slide of his hand on Jude’s cock.

“Not complaining now, are you?” Zero said smugly.

Jude wanted to respond, but it was all he could do to keep his knees from buckling under him. It only took a few strokes to finish Jude off, and even though his body had been primed for what felt like forever, it was almost a shock when his release finally hit. Jude shuddered through his climax and then let Zero’s weight against his back push him into the tile. He breathed in the steam of the shower and gave his body a few moments to recover.

“Wasn’t that better than a handshake?” Zero said, startling a breathless laugh out of Jude.

~*~

“You look like crap,” Lucas said.

Jude did a double-take because he’d been thinking about the revisions to the contract he’d just reviewed and hadn’t been paying attention to anyone else in the hallway. It took Jude a few seconds for his brain to rewind so he could tell what Lucas had said. Jude blushed when he remembered what his sleepless night had led to that morning in the shower.

Lucas gave Jude a smile, clearly mistaking the cause of Jude’s blush for the almost-flirty tone he’d used, rather than Jude’s own memories. “I didn’t get much sleep last night,” Jude said. Not a lie. “Emily’s been teething.” Also not a lie, if not the absolute truth.

“That’s the problem with babies,” Lucas said, as if he never planned to have that problem himself. “You probably can’t wait until Zero hires someone to help him full-time so you can sleep through the night.” Lucas gave Jude a look that said he’d be happy to be the reason Jude didn’t get much sleep.

Jude blushed again – in the heat of his argument, and subsequent agreement, with Zero, he’d forgotten about Lucas asking him out for drinks. Lucas smirked at Jude before he walked on, tossing the promise to get a list of child care companies to Zero over his shoulder.

Jude got back to work and forgot about Lucas until he got home and Zero said, in a deceptively calm voice, “Why did Lucas send me a vetted list of nanny companies?”

Jude, distracted by the sight of Zero holding Emily, hadn’t notice the storm brewing in his eyes. His pause as he leaned in to kiss the top of Emily’s head was damning, but Jude said, “He did that?”

“You knew he was going to do that?” Zero demanded.

“He might’ve mentioned it.”

“The other day,” Zero clarified.

“This afternoon,” Jude admitted.

“Why? I already told him . . .”

“I know,” Jude said, trying to keep his voice soothing. “I didn’t mention this yesterday because it wasn’t important, and it’s even less important now, but Lucas asked me out.”

“Lucas asked you out and you didn’t think it was important?”

“No, because I didn’t say yes, and I wasn’t going to say yes,” Jude said. “And at the time, you and I weren’t together, so it wasn’t something I was obliged to share with you.”

“What about this morning?” Zero said.

Jude gave him a look. “I had other things on my mind this morning.”

Zero tried not to look smug at that comment, but failed miserably. “Yeah, I guess you did.”

Jude shook his head. “It wouldn’t hurt to review them, though. If Emily is still with us once the season starts, you and I might need to be out of town at the same time, we’ll need someone to watch her . . . What’s that look for?”

“You said ‘we’.”

“Of course I said ‘we,” Jude said, but he couldn’t hide the fact that he was pleased that Zero was pleased. “Now, are you going to tell me why she’s naked and wrapped in a towel?”

“I gave her a bath,” Zero said proudly, then modestly added, “It wasn’t that hard. Though I was scared I was going to drop her – wet babies are very slippery.”

Jude stepped in close to Zero again, and this time pressed a kiss to his lips. “You did great.”

Zero smiled. “She helped by not trying to squirm away too much.”

“Okay, let me get changed and we can eat supper,” Jude said, heading to the kitchen with the bag of take-out. He smiled to himself when he saw the water splashed all around the sink. “Where’d you get the stuff?” Jude said, indicating the baby shampoo, lotion, and hairbrush that were all new.

“I read up on what I’d need, and then we went out to get it,” Zero said. “You know, I was hoping Emily would be asleep when you got home so I could help you get changed.”

Jude blushed. “You can help me later,” he said.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“You should get a diaper on her before she pees on you again.”

“Jeeze, don’t jinx me!” Zero said.

Jude was grinning when he went off to change out of his suit. When he returned, the kitchen had been cleaned up and Emily was playing in the gym. Zero had taken the food out of the bag and set out plates on the island.

“Are we going to sit at the island like adults two nights in a row?” Jude teased.

“Or we could do something else like adults,” Zero teased back as he grabbed Jude’s ass and leaned in to give him a kiss that lasted longer than Jude’s kiss at the door. Jude curled his fingers around the back of Zero’s neck and kept him from pulling away when they broke the kiss.

“You looked so sexy holding Emily, I wanted to jump you the second I walked through the door,” Jude admitted.

“You showed great restraint,” Zero said, his other arm going around Jude as Jude pressed him back against the island.

Jude didn’t show restraint when he kissed Zero this time. It started out heated, and only grew more hungry and desperate until they had to separate to breathe.

“The food’s going to get cold,” Zero said, and they both froze as they considered that. “Wow,” Zero said, “I can’t believe I said that.”

Jude covered his mouth to hold back a snicker. “I can’t, either.”

“I’m tempted to just clear the island and take you here just to prove that comment was an aberration.”

Jude chuckled. “That would be hot right up until we had to clean up spilled food and broken plates, and had to find something else to eat.”

“Whew!” Zero said. “We’re back to you being the reasonable, responsible one, and me being the wild, unpredictable one in this relationship.”

Jude’s heart did a funny thing when Zero said ‘relationship’ so easily. “You should take me to bed,” Jude said, “before we end up having sex in the kitchen again.”

“To be honest, it’s becoming my favorite place,” Zero said, eliciting a chuckle out of Jude, but he backed Jude up so he could escape the island, and then steered them both to the guestroom.

~*~

Emily had fallen asleep while they’d been otherwise occupied, so Jude covered her with a blanket while Zero reheated their take-out. They ate at the island and quietly talked about the logistics of how they’d need the services of a nanny. They both agreed that Emily should spend some of her time in daycare, if only to become socially adjusted to other children and adults. They also agreed that they didn’t want a live-in nanny, if only because that would be one more person who would have to know about their relationship. That said, the caretaker would need to spend the night when both Jude and Zero were out of town, and they might need someone to pick Emily up from daycare when neither of them were available.

Jude put his hand in Zero’s when they started going in circles. “We’ve got time to figure out the specifics.”

“What are we going to do about Lucas?” Zero said while they were rinsing dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher.

“Do about him?” Jude said.

“He’s clearly invested in freeing up your time so the two of you can go out. How are you going to handle him?”

“The ‘too busy ‘ excuse will work for now, and later I can tell him that I’m not over you and it wouldn’t be fair to him,” Jude said.

Zero gave Jude a look.

“Did I also forget to mention that Lucas thinks he knows why I’m not your agent anymore?” Jude said. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, “He believes that I’ve got feelings for you that aren’t reciprocated.”

“Shows what an idiot he is,” Zero said, which made Jude smile.

“Which leads me to something else – a reason for us to spend so much of our time together since we have to hide the real reason.”

A smile slowly crossed Zero’s face. “You want to be my agent again.”

Jude didn’t admit that he’d never _not_ wanted to be Zero’s agent, not really. He merely said, “It would be the perfect cover.”

“Done,” Zero said.

“You don’t want to think about it?”

“I never wanted you to _stop_ being my agent,” Zero said, “so no, I don’t need to think about it, Jude. Plus, I get to fire Lucas.”

Jude rolled his eyes. “Lucas is a fine agent.”

“I don’t want _fine_ ,” Zero said. “I want _ultra_ -fine.”

Jude rolled his eyes and let Zero lead him to the living room where they cuddled on the couch and found a baseball game to watch until Emily woke. Zero changed her while Jude heated up the bottle, and they returned to the living room to feed her. Zero was lying on the floor with Emily, giving her more tummy time while Jude watched with a lump in his chest, when his cell rang.

Without looking away from Emily, Zero said, “Get that for me?”

Jude forced himself to drag his eyes away from Zero and Emily and get up to find the phone. “It’s Stafford,” Jude said when he saw the name flashing on the screen. He brought the phone back to the living room as he answered it. “Stafford, hi, it’s Jude Kinkade, Zero is here with me. I’m going to put you on speaker.”

Jude pressed the speaker button and set the phone on the coffee table as he resumed his seat on the couch. Instead of relaxing back into the couch, Jude leaned forward expectantly, his elbows resting on his knees. Zero got up on his knees, one hand gently resting on the top of Emily’s head.

“Have you found anything?” Zero said.

“Yeah,” Stafford said. “I’m pretty sure I’ve found her, short of knocking on the door and asking if it’s her.”

“Yeah, that might spook her. How did you . . . ?”

“I used the security cam footage to find a lady who arrived with a baby and left without one around the time your package was delivered, and then I determine which bus she took to get to your place and staked it out,” Stafford said. “You get some funny looks when you ride a bus all day long. I followed her off when I finally saw her.”

“You have the address?” Jude said.

Stafford gave them the address and Jude wrote it down on the back of their shopping list (once again the first two items were formula and diapers – how could one tiny baby go through so much of either?).

“I’ll call you after we’ve confirmed,” Jude said, then disconnected the call. He and Zero stared at each other.

“I should go,” Zero said.

Jude shook his head. “If she recognizes you before we get to her she might rabbit. She won’t recognize me.”

“Alright,” Zero said reluctantly. “You can approach her, but I’m going with you.”

Since arguing would take time they didn’t have, and Jude wouldn’t mind having the moral support, he agreed. He didn’t bother changing his clothes, just helped get Emily into her car seat and pack her diaper bag. Zero got into the driver’s seat and Jude set the GPS, then studied the photos Stafford had sent to Zero’s phone.

They were silent for the first half of the drive, and then Zero spoke. “What are you going to say to her?”

“I don’t really know,” Jude said. “I’m going to ask for Emily’s vaccination records. Was there something specific you wanted me to say?”

Zero shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Jude rested his hand on Zero’s leg and squeezed in a show of silent support. Zero dropped a hand off the steering wheel and laid it over Jude’s. They stayed that way until they got closer to their destination, and Zero needed both hands to navigate the side streets and to park. They were a block from Sally’s apartment. Jude took a deep breath, and then he leaned over the center console to kiss Zero for luck before he got out of the car. On the walk back to the apartment, Jude practiced what he was going to say. The words flew out of his head when the door opened at his knock.

There was a security chain that wouldn’t do much good if Jude was determined to gain entry. “What do you want?” the woman Jude presumed was Sally said.

“Sally?” Jude said.

“Who’s asking?” she said warily.

“My name is Jude Kinkade, I work for the agency that represents Zero.” Jude grabbed the door before Sally could slam it shut and shoved his foot in the opening to brace it. “I’m not here to get you in any trouble,” Jude assured her. “You’ll notice that it’s me rather than the police or social services showing up.”

Sally stopped pushing against the door, but Jude left his foot where it was. “What do you want?”

“Medical records,” Jude said.

“What?”

“Can we talk about this inside your apartment?” Jude said, glancing to either side of him. There was no one in the hallway, but that didn’t mean their conversation was private.

“I can’t unlock the door with your foot in the way,” Sally said dryly.

Jude hesitated – if Sally slammed the door Jude would have no recourse – he couldn’t draw attention to himself by pounding on it. He withdrew his foot and ignored the skip in the back of his heart when the door closed. A moment later Jude let out a relieved breath when he heard the scrape of the chain lock being released. Sally opened the door and motioned Jude in.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

“Private investigator,” Jude said. He glanced around the neat apartment as he stepped inside, but his focus was mostly on Sally. “She looks just like you,” Jude said.

Sally gave a little shrug, but she couldn’t hide the flush of pleasure at Jude’s comment. “How is she?”

“She’s fine,” Jude said. “Well, she started teething, which gave us a scary few hours until we figured out what was going on.”

“Isn’t she too young for that?”

“That’s what we thought! According to Google, it’s not unheard of to start that early. Not that we know for sure how old she is,” Jude added wryly.

Sally looked a little guilty. “Why do you need her medical records?”

“We can’t get her in to daycare without proof that she’s had her vaccinations,” Jude said. “Pre-season training camp opens in a few weeks and we’d like to get her settled before then.”

“You keep saying ‘we’,” Sally said, and then waited.

“I’m helping out,” Jude said, hoping it sounded like he was doing so because of the agency, and not because he and Zero were in a relationship. Jude’s breath caught again at the thought.

“Where is Emily now?” Sally said.

“With Zero.”

Sally nodded. “I don’t know if I have proof of vaccination.”

“Has Emily seen a doctor since you brought her home?”

“Of course,” Sally said. “I didn’t neglect her.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you had,” Jude said. “I just . . .” He pulled out the form Dr. Chen had given him. “I have a release form – the doctor we took Emily to could request that information if you don’t have it.”

Sally took the form and read it over. She carried it over to the small table and plucked a pen out of a magnetic holder stuck to the fridge. She filled out the form and signed it, then handed it back to Jude.

“Thank you,” Jude said.

“Wait a minute,” Sally said, and then disappeared into what Jude presumed was the only bedroom. She returned with a stack of folded papers that she sifted through, eventually culling a couple sets of stapled sheets and handing them to Jude.

Jude glanced at them and saw Emily’s name at the top.

“Those might help,” Sally said, and then just stood there as if she didn’t know what to do next.

“Thank you,” Jude said again. He turned towards the door, but something made him stop. Sally was looking at him warily when he faced her again. “It’s obvious that you care about Emily,” Jude said.

Sally’s chin came up.

“You need to decide whether you want her back, because right now everything is in limbo. You didn’t leave Emily with the authorities, and you know Zero wouldn’t turn her over to them, but right now he has all the responsibility of caring for her without any of the rights. You could return in six weeks or six months or six years, and take her back, and that isn’t fair to him.” To us, Jude thought.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Jude said, “that if you’re going to take her back, you should do so sooner rather than later, and if you’re not, then you should consider giving up custody. Legally.”

Sally didn’t look surprised at having the situation spelled out for her like that. “I’ve been thinking of nothing else,” she said.

Jude nodded. He gave Sally a card with his cell phone number and said, “We’ll be in touch.”

Jude hurried out of the apartment building, almost afraid that Sally would come after him and demand Emily back. His steps slowed when he reached the sidewalk. Jude took deep breaths and made himself think about the way snowflakes felt when they hit your face and melted on your tongue. His heart was no longer racing when he reached the car.

“How’d it go?” Zero said as Jude slid into the passenger seat.

Jude held up the papers he gripped tightly between his fingers, and hoped that Zero couldn’t see that his hand was shaking.

“She signed the release form?”

Jude nodded. “And gave me what medical documents she had.”

“Okay,” Zero said. “Okay. Good.”

Jude waited until Zero had pulled out onto the street to speak again. “She was nice. Helpful. I was more nervous than I thought I’d be,” he admitted.

Zero laid his hand on the console, palm up, and Jude set his hand on top, twined their fingers together.

“Thanks,” Zero said.

“You’re welcome.”

Emily apparently loved car rides when she wasn’t in pain from teething because she slept the entire time they were gone, but she woke up the moment they got home. Together they changed and fed her, and then played with her until she fell asleep.

Jude paced the living room while Zero carried Emily’s limp form into the bedroom. He realized he was wringing his hands and stopped. Zero didn’t look surprised when he found Jude running a nervous hand over his head.

“What didn’t you tell me?”

“You could tell?” Jude said, and then he immediately confessed, “I told Sally that if she intends to take Emily back she should do so sooner rather than later, or she needs to give up custody.” Jude pulled at his hair and gave an hysterical laugh. “I don’t even know if you _want_ custody, but I didn’t want her to suddenly appear six months down the line when we’ve . . .” Jude’s voice broke. “. . . and just take her away.”

“Hey,” Zero said. He slid his arms around Jude and pulled him close. “You’re always looking out for me.”

Jude pressed his face to Zero’s neck and just breathed in the scent of him. The tension eased out of his muscles as Zero’s hands moved over his back. “It was kind of selfish this time.”

Zero’s hand moved up the back of Jude’s neck until he cradled the back of his head. Zero moved his face and tilted Jude’s head until their lips met. “I owe you a proper thank you,” Zero said.

“You’ve already thanked me,” Jude said.

Zero raised an eyebrow. “Not properly.”

Jude was smiling when Zero kissed him.

~*~

Jude threw himself into the chair in front of Lionel’s desk and let out a groan.

“What do you want?” Lionel said without raising her eyes from the computer screen.

“A minute to breathe,” Jude said.

Now Lionel did look up. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve just been running around all day. I’m hiding.”

Just then Jude’s phone went off.

“The first rule of hiding is to turn off your phone,” Lionel said.

Jude pulled out his phone and squinted at the screen, saw that it was Lucas, and sent the call to voice mail before he re-pocketed the phone. “I have to keep it on in case Zero calls about Emily. Or the doctor’s office calls. Or the daycare.” He’d been both places that morning to drop off papers.

“So you’re hiding from work?”

Jude winced. “Not exactly.”

“That sounds intriguing. Spill.”

“Lucas asked me out,” Jude told her.

“What did you say?”

“I said I was busy,” Jude said.

“Too busy for one date?” Lionel said.

“I’m crazy busy at work,” Jude said. “I think they’re punishing me for the whole Zero fiasco, and then there’s Emily.”

“What did Lucas say to that?”

Jude rolled his eyes. “He sent Zero a list of approved nanny companies.”

Lionel laughed. “How did that go over?”

Jude gave Lionel a look. “About as well as you’d think. I had to explain to Zero _why_ Lucas had sent the names. Zero was irritated, given that we’d just gotten back together. Turn’s out, he’s more possessive than I thought.”

“Wait,” Lionel said, “go back. What?”

Jude grinned. “It’s not public knowledge because of his job, but we’re telling a few people we want to know.”

“And that includes me?”

“Of course that includes you,” Jude said. “Besides, you’d have figured it out anyway.”

Lionel rose to her feet and hurried around the desk (and once more Jude marveled at how women could walk, much less run, in heels). “Hugs,” she said, motioning Jude out of his seat.

Jude stood and caught Lionel in his arms, eyes stinging despite the fact that he was smiling.

“Congratulations,” Lionel said.

“Thank you.”

Lionel sat in the chair Jude had been using and pushed Jude down into its neighbor. “Now, give me all the details.”

Jude blushed.

“Not those details,” Lionel said, which made Jude blush more deeply.

“It’s the age-old tale,” Jude said. “We fought, and then we talked, and then we had sex.” Jude ignored Lionel’s expression. “We . . . negotiated. I realized that I hadn’t been taking Zero’s career into account when I told him I wanted to be with him openly, so I pulled back on that demand, and he agreed that we were already in a relationship, which is where a lot of my insecurities stemmed from, so . . .”

“I’m happy for you.”

Jude grinned again. “Thanks.”

“Who else have you told?”

“No one,” Jude said. “You’re, like, my only friend, besides Zero, and the only one I’d trust.”

“That’s sweet,” Lionel said. “How’s Emily doing?”

Jude told Lionel about the trip to Sally’s apartment, the doctor visit, and that they were waiting to hear from the daycare. Jude’s phone rang again, and this time he answered the call because it was Marge from the office, and he’d turned in some contract revisions before he’d left the office to hide away.

“I’ve got to go,” Jude told Lionel after he ended the call. “What were you working on when I came in?”

Lionel glared at Jude. “Derek Roman.”

“What about Derek?”

“You don’t know?” When Jude shrugged, Lionel went on. “He’s dragging his feet on contract negotiations.”

“Ahh,” Jude said.

“Ahh?”

“He’s playing the percentages. Derek figures that if Terrence is unable to play this season, and the odds on that are good, then he’ll be worth more to the team and can demand more money.”

“Are you supposed to tell me that?”

“Tell you what?”

Lionel smiled. “I knew there was a reason I liked you, Jude.”

“Insider information?”

“Because your friends come first with you.”

Jude’s mind flashed to the threats he’d made to Sloane and Raquel what seemed like a lifetime ago now, but was only a matter of months. “I’m trying.”

~*~

It took all of Jude’s willpower to not call down to the daycare to see how Emily was faring. He’d gotten the call late yesterday afternoon that the paperwork was complete and Emily had been accepted. The night before he and Zero had talked about breaking Emily in easily, taking her in for a few hours in the morning so Zero could go to the Arena and get in a workout with some of his teammates before the pre-season training camp opened.

So, even though it was already Friday, Jude packed up Emily’s diaper bag with enough formula and diapers for a month, and some of her favorite toys, while Zero had gotten Emily dressed and ready to go. He’d watched Jude lock her car seat into the base with a forlorn expression. “This feels weird,” he said when Jude asked him what was wrong.

“You’ll see her in a couple hours,” Jude had breezily responded, and now here he was having trouble concentrating on work with Emily just a few floors below him.

Jude let his mind drift back to that morning. He’d closed the backseat door and was getting ready to open the driver’s side door when Zero remembered, “I forgot to kiss you goodbye.”

The both glanced around the neighborhood. There were a few people getting into cars, seemingly paying no attention to them, but it was impossible to be sure who was watching from inside the other condos. Jude reached out and touched the pads of his first two fingers against the back of Zero’s hand.

Zero raised an eyebrow. “Really, Jude?”

“Unless you want to chance anything else,” Jude said.

Zero’s eyes dropped to Jude’s lips, and Jude’s belly did a little flip. A look of regret crossed Zero’s face; he brushed the pads of his first two fingers against Jude’s fingers, so softly it felt like a caress.

“Imagine me pressing you up against the car and giving you a proper goodbye kiss,” Zero said.

Jude blushed. “I will not,” he said primly. The last thing he needed was to show up at daycare with a tent in his slacks.

Zero grinned as if he knew exactly what Jude was thinking. He stepped back to let Jude slide behind the wheel, and then watched them until Jude could no longer see him standing in the driveway.

Jude had already received half a dozen texts from Zero, all along the same lines _how is em doing_

 _she’s doing fine_ Jude had replied each time, and crossed his fingers that it was true. Surely the daycare would’ve called if there had been any issues.

Jude hadn’t been watching the clock, exactly, but at ten minutes to noon he closed the files on his laptop and locked it. He stopped at the restroom and was still outside the daycare by five minutes of.

Kim smiled when she saw him. “Emily did fine,” she told Jude.

“I wasn’t worried,” Jude lied.

Emily’s diaper bag was packed and her car seat waiting for her when another daycare worker carried her over.

“This is Shane,” Kim said. “Shane, this is Jude Kinkade, Emily’s caretaker.”

She said that so smoothly that Jude wondered how many unusual parent-child situations they dealt with here.

“Hi,” Jude said to Shane, but he was reaching out to take Emily, and trying to determine whether she looked happy to see him. He laid Emily against his shoulder and felt his muscles relax now that he held her.

“Hey, there, Em. Did you have fun?” Jude said. He rubbed a hand over Emily’s back and turned his attention back to Kim. “Anything we need to adjust for next week?”

They hadn’t run out of formula, diapers or clothes, Kim told him, but suggested he not pack quite so extensively for just half a day.

Jude got Emily strapped into her car seat, and, diaper bag over the opposite shoulder, carried her out to the front of the building. He set the carrier down at his feet and leaned against the building as he pulled out his cell phone to see if Zero had tried to contact him again. He hadn’t, but as Jude slid the phone away, Lucas stepped out of the building. “Baby on board?” he said when he saw Jude standing there with Emily.

“She spent the morning at daycare,” Jude said, glancing down at Emily. She’d fallen asleep with the side of her fist in her mouth. “She’s had a busy morning,” he observed, affection in his voice.

“Zero couldn’t be bothered to drop her off and pick her up?” Lucas said disdainfully.

Jude felt his hackles rise. “I work here, so it was easier for me to drop her off, and Zero is coming to pick her up. That’s who we’re waiting for,” Jude said pointedly.

Lucas didn’t take the hint. “Did he look at the list of nannies I sent over?”

“Yes,” Jude said. “He’s trying to determine what he needs – he doesn’t want live-in care, but what his schedule requires now is different from what he’ll need once training camp opens, or when the regular season begins.”

Just then Jude saw Zero’s red Porsche pull into the parking lot. He watched it approach until it idled at the curb. Zero rolled down the window and leaned across the passenger seat. “I’m looking for a man with a baby,” he said, ignoring Lucas.

Jude rolled his eyes. “Go park, and I’ll show you where the Lincoln is.”

Lucas remained silent until Zero pulled away to park the Porsche. “You’re never going to get over him if you don’t let him go.”

Jude forced his eyes away from the red Porsche and turned them on to Lucas. “You’re probably right,” he said mildly. Jude bent down and lifted the car seat. “I’ll see you later,” he said as he headed off to meet Zero, leaving an annoyed Lucas behind.

Jude forgot about Lucas when he saw Zero unfold himself from the Porsche. “How was your workout?” Jude said to stop himself from saying anything inappropriate.

“Good,” Zero said. “I ran into Lionel; I had to promise to bring Em in for a visit.”

Jude smiled at the faked aggravation in Zero’s tone. “Kim said Em had a good morning.”

“She looks whupped,” Zero observed.

“I think she was happy to see me,” Jude said. “I mean, I think she recognized me.”

They had reached the Lincoln, and Jude pulled out the keys to unlock the doors. He let Zero take the carrier out of his hand and lock it into the base, and then take the diaper bag off his shoulder, fingers unnecessarily sliding over Jude’s shoulder as he did so.

When Zero straightened and closed the door, Jude held out the keys. Zero’s fingers deliberately brushed Jude’s palm as he scooped up the keys to the Lincoln and left the keys to his Porsche in their place. Jude clenched his hand around the keys and suppressed a shiver.

“Spit it out,” Jude said when Zero struggled over whether he should speak.

“What did Lucas want?”

“He wanted to know if you’d looked at the list of nannies,” Jude said.

Zero snorted. “Did he ask you out again?”

“No,” Jude said, unaccountably warmed by the jealousy in Zero’s tone. “But he did warn me that I was never going to get over you if I didn’t let you go.”

Zero smirked. “Is that right.”

“Get out of here,” Jude said affectionately.

Zero reached out and brushed the pads of two fingers to the back of Jude’s hand, and Jude felt warm all over. “Imagine me . . .”

“No!” Jude said, which made Zero grin.

Jude returned the gesture, and then stood back so Zero could get into the car and pull out. Jude watched the Lincoln until he could no longer see it, and then he headed towards a café down the street for a sandwich and coffee to take back to his desk. He might be able to leave early if he worked through what was left of lunch.


	5. chapter five

Jude spent whatever time he’d saved by eating at his desk looking at the photos Lionel and Zero texted him during Zero’s and Emily’s visit to Lionel’s office at the Arena. Still, he was able to leave on time, at least. He called Zero as he packed up his laptop to see what he wanted him to pick up for supper.

“I took care of it,” Zero said, sounding slightly self-conscious.

“You took care of it,” Jude repeated.

“You don’t think I can manage to plan supper?” Zero said.

“No,” Jude said. “I’m just worried it’s pizza again.”

“Fuck you,” Zero said. “Get your ass home so you can appreciate my efforts.”

“You know I appreciate your efforts,” Jude said silkily, his face going warm.

“Jude Kinkade,” Zero said, pleased. “Are you initiating phone sex?”

“No!” Jude said. “I was just flirting!”

“I didn’t know you had it in you,” Zero teased.

“I don’t, yet,” Jude said, and then he realized what he’d said. “I’ve got to go.”

Jude ended the call to the sound of Zero’s laughter. He was glad that he didn’t run into anyone on the way to where Zero had left his Porsche, but all the way home he couldn’t stop thinking about Zero taking the initiative with dinner, and what he might’ve gotten.

The scent of cooking food assailed Jude’s nostrils the moment he opened the front door. He breathed it in deeply, his brain trying to identify the scents, but he forgot all about it when he stepped into the living room and saw Zero. Jude’s heart did a little skip and there was a flutter in his belly as his gaze traveled over Zero. “What are you wearing?”

“This old thing?” Zero said teasingly as he unfolded out of his pose and moved to Jude’s side.

Jude reached out and touched the dress shirt; it was just as soft as it looked. “Is that silk?” Jude swallowed hard. “Are you going out?”

Zero gave Jude a look. “Don’t be an idiot. I’m taking you on a date.”

Jude raised his eyebrows. “Where?”

Zero gave a little shrug and looked self-conscious. “To the kitchen?”

Jude let out a relieved laugh.

“Lionel reminded me that we could still have a date night even if we couldn’t leave the house.” Zero went on before Jude could respond. “So I made dinner, and set up Netflix, and bought wine, and picked out music, and bought extra condoms and lube.”

Jude smiled at the effort Zero had made. “And you dressed up.”

“And I dressed up,” Zero agreed.

“So I shouldn’t change into something more comfortable?” Jude said.

Zero’s eyes went dark. “We’ll do that later. Though you could probably lose the jacket and the tie.” Zero reached out and loosened the knot.

Jude’s breath caught. “I should at least get a welcome home kiss, since we missed our goodbye kiss this morning.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Zero said, using the tie to draw Jude closer.

Jude forgot about everything except the way Zero’s lips moved across his, the heat of Zero’s hand against his lower back, the pressure of Zero’s knuckles against his chest. The timer went off and it took both of them a few moments for the rest of the world to slip back into their awareness.

“I’ve got to check the chicken,” Zero said. 

Jude gave a little huff of laughter at the breathless quality of Zero’s voice. “You do that,” Jude said. “I’ll get rid of my jacket and tie. And briefcase.”

Zero went into the kitchen and Jude continued down the hall to the guestroom. He tossed the briefcase on the bed and then divested himself of jacket and tie. Jude detoured to the master bedroom to look in on Emily before heading back to the kitchen. It took him a moment to realize that she wasn’t inside her pillow fort.

Jude returned to the living room, but Emily wasn’t lying on the gym mat, either. He looked around for the carrier, but couldn’t find it or Emily’s diaper bag. Zero glanced up from the ricer and gave Jude a look when he tore into the kitchen.

“Where’s Emily?” Jude said, trying to keep his voice even and his eyes from looking too wild.

“Oh,” Zero said, sounding pleased. “I forgot to mention, I also found a babysitter.”

“Babysitter,” Jude repeated, the adrenaline surging out of him and leaving him feeling weak.

“Yeah,” Zero said, not paying attention to Jude’s freak out. “Lionel offered to babysit for us.”

“Lionel,” Jude repeated.

Now Zero did look at him. “You okay?”

“No,” Jude said. “Yes. I just . . . panicked when I couldn’t find her.”

Zero gave Jude a look that was almost hurt. “What, you thought I left her somewhere?”

“No!” Jude said. “I didn’t have time to think anything, I just reacted. Over-reacted,” he admitted, now that he was calming down. “I’ve been worried about Sally taking Emily back ever since we went to see her.”

“Oh,” Zero said. “No. I would’ve told you that.”

“I know,” Jude said, his heart beat slowing. “I just, I don’t know why I jumped to the most horrible conclusion.”

“You think that would be horrible?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yeah, but she’s not your responsibility.”

“You think that’s how it works?” Jude said. “That I’m not already falling in love with her? Or that I could be with you and not feel any responsibility for her? Even before we got back together I was helping you with her, and it wasn’t because I had to!” Jude finished loudly, only to find Zero smiling at him. “What?”

“I love you,” Zero said. He looked as surprised at the declaration Jude felt, but then he said, “I love you, stupid,” as if he’d just had a revelation.

Jude smiled. His heart had started racing again. “I love you, too.”

Zero smiled. They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Jude ducked his head and cleared his throat. “Lionel offered to watch Em?”

“I was surprised, too,” Zero said, turning back to check on the state of the food. He checked the oven, then turned it off but left the pan inside. He checked the time left on the ricer and steamer.

“I didn’t even know you had a ricer or a steamer,” Jude said, sliding into a seat at the island.

Zero smiled at Jude over his shoulder. “Neither did I.”

Jude settled in and watched Zero roll up his sleeves and get bowls out of the cupboard and serving spoons out of the drawer. He thought about teasing Zero for going all out on their stay-in date, but his belly was fluttering with pleasure at the gesture and Jude didn’t want Zero to hear that in his voice.

Zero glanced over his shoulder at Jude and said, “You wanna light the candles?”

Jude heard a hint of nerves in Zero’s tone and was glad he hadn’t teased him. He was also glad to have something to do because the flutter in his belly was beginning to edge towards nerves. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t shared meals before, or sat together on the couch to watch a movie, but this was their first official date – even if they weren’t going out – since they’d agreed that they both wanted to be in a relationship. With each other. And it felt momentous.

Jude dragged his eyes away from the flames atop the white taper candles and found Zero watching him. “Everything alright?” Zero said.

“Yeah,” Jude said. He put the lighter back in the drawer. “I was just thinking that we’ve never been on a date before, not a real one.”

“Too much?” Zero said. “Not enough?”

“No.” Jude shook his head. “It’s perfect.”

Zero smiled, and Jude couldn’t resist kissing him. Zero’s lips were soft and tasted like the balm he used, and this close Jude recognized the scent of the expensive cologne. Jude’s belly did a little flip when he realized that Zero had gone all out when getting ready for their date, as well.

“Is everything turned off?” Jude said, lips brushing Zero’s freshly shaved skin.

“Yeah, why?”

Jude took a step back, his hand slipping down Zero’s arm until he held Zero’s hand in his. He took another step back and used his hold on Zero’s hand to draw him after.

Realization dawned in Zero’s eyes, and he smirked. “Really, Jude?”

Heat swept across Jude’s cheeks. “We don’t have to,” he said.

Zero dropped the serving spoon he still held onto the counter with a clatter. “The hell we don’t,” he said.

Jude would’ve laughed at Zero’s eagerness if he wasn’t feeling pretty eager himself. He let Zero steer him into the guestroom and press him down onto the bed.

The chicken and rice were on the dry side when they finally got around to eating, but Jude didn’t mind in the slightest.

~*~

Jude knocked on the door, then held up a cup of Lionel’s favorite coffee and a pastry bag in front of him. Lionel opened the door in a peach-colored silk lounge combo with matching jacket that she’d left untied, and slippers with actual heels. She grabbed the coffee out of his hand without even a hello, and turned to clip-clop back into the depths of the house.

Jude followed Lionel into the house and heard Zero close the door behind them. Jude had only been inside this house, Oscar’s house, a handful of times, and he felt awkward each time. Lionel had by-passed the ostentatious living room and the dark den, and he found her and Emily sitting in the solarium. Lionel sat at the table sipping her coffee while Emily played on the floor, the blanket upon which she lay folded into quarters to provide more padding.

Emily gurgled when she saw them, and waved a rattle at them. Jude liked to think that she recognized them. He set the pastry bag on the table and Zero set down a second bag and the drink carrier that still held their coffees. Zero scooped up Emily and unself-consciously gave her a hug and a flurry of kisses.

Tears burned at the back of Jude’s eyes and he tore his gaze a way from Zero and Emily. Lionel’s eyes looked suspiciously bright, but then she blinked and it was gone. “I’ll get some plates,” Lionel said, and then she managed to leave the room without it looking like she was running away.

Jude looked after her, wondering if he should follow to see what was wrong, but Zero brought Emily over and held her so Jude could drop his own kisses to the top of her head and Jude shelved the question for later. When Lionel returned, small plates, cloth napkins, and real silver butter knives, there was no trace of whatever Jude thought he’d seen on her face.

“How’d it go?” Jude said as he moved around the table so Zero could take the nearest chair.

“She was an angel,” Lionel said, giving Emily an affectionate look.

Jude split a croissant and spread blackberry jam on it before sliding the plate over to Zero, who gave him a smile in thanks. Jude ducked his head and reached for another croissant.

“I take it date night went well,” Lionel said wryly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jude said, but the flush that crept up his neck gave him away.

“Date night was _amazing_ ,” Zero said without any shame.

“Lionel doesn’t need to know the specifics,” Jude said hurriedly.

“Lionel doesn’t _want_ to know the specifics,” Lionel said. “Your faces tell me all I need to know.” Jude raised questioning eyes to her. “You both look disgustingly happy,” Lionel explained.

Jude smiled and glanced at Zero, who was smiling back. Jude saw the accident coming, but he couldn’t get the warning out quickly enough before Emily slapped her hand into the blackberry jam on Zero’s croissant.

~*~

They’d packed Emily’s stroller so they could stop by the Farmer’s Market on the way home. Zero wore sunglasses and a ball cap to cover his blond hair, as if that would keep anyone from recognizing him. Emily was probably the better disguise, despite the tweets earlier that week; few people would still expect to see Zero with a baby.

Emily fell asleep before they’d made it halfway through the market and stayed asleep even after they arrived home. Jude could’ve sworn she’d given out a little sigh when he placed her inside the pillows on the master bed, as if she realized she was home again.

They unpacked their purchases and then went down to the basement to work out after making sure that the monitors Lionel had sent home with them worked. Jude started on the treadmill while Zero picked up a set of free weights. Jude warmed up by walking half a mile and then ran five miles before doing another half mile cool down walk.

Jude was lying flat on a bench doing chest presses when Zero finished on the treadmill.

“You might want to put those weights down before you drop them,” Zero said.

Jude finished pushing the weights up and gave Zero a confused look. In response, Zero stood over Jude and grabbed the waistband of his short.

“Wha–?” Jude said, but Zero merely said, “Lift.”

Jude raised his hips and let his breath out as Zero pulled his shorts down to his ankles. Zero knelt between Jude’s legs, licked a trail along the crease of skin between thigh and groin, and then closed his mouth over the head of Jude’s cock.

Jude groaned and closed his eyes. He slowly brought the weights down, and then let his arms fall and dropped them to the mat beneath him. He kept a grip on the bars as if he might float away if he let go.

“Zero,” Jude groaned, and then bit his bottom lip so he didn’t let out any other sounds.

Zero apparently found that unacceptable because he made it his mission to get Jude to make as much noise as possible. He took Jude deep into his throat and swallowed around him, and then hummed as he raised his mouth back up the full length until he held just the head on his tongue once more.

Zero fondled Jude’s balls, then rubbed his thumb along the smooth skin behind them before reaching further back to tease the pad of his thumb over Jude’s asshole. Jude released the breath he’d been holding and with it came all the sounds he’d been denying voice.

“Zero,” Jude gasped, finally managing to turn the soft moans and garble sounds into an intelligible word. “Gideon.”

Zero showed his approval by paying renewed attention to the exposed bundle of nerves below the helmet of Jude’s cock with the tip of his tongue while he applied a little more pressure to Jude’s hole. Jude groaned and reached up to ground himself in Zero’s hair as the muscles in his thighs trembled with the effort to not push up into Zero’s mouth, or down onto the digit stretching his hole.

Jude arched up off the bench as waves of pleasure washed over him, muscles going taut and toes curling in his sneakers the only warning before he emptied himself into Zero’s mouth.

“Holy fucking hell,” Jude panted when he could speak again.

Zero chuckled against Jude’s thigh, where he’d rested his head after releasing Jude’s softening cock.

“Fuck you,” Jude said breathlessly, tugging on the strands of hair he still gripped, and then combing his fingers through them to soothe the sting.

Before Zero could reply, a sound came over the monitor. Zero raised his head and tilted it as he listened. A moment later Emily made a noise. Zero smirked at Jude. “Look’s like that’ll have to wait.”

Zero straightened and offered a hand to Jude. Jude thought about moving, then waved away Zero’s offer of assistance. “Leave me,” he said, as if Zero was heading out on a world tour, rather than merely going upstairs to get Emily. Zero’s laughter at Jude stayed with him long after Zero was gone.

Jude heard Zero greet Emily, then silence. He strained to listen, but he couldn’t hear what was going on upstairs once they moved away from the monitor in the bedroom. Jude released his grip on the weight he still held and stretched out his fingers. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and silently exhorted his legs to hold him when he tried to stand. Miraculously they did.

Jude managed to pull up his shorts without falling over, and made it up the stairs with the second monitor clutched in one hand.

“Look who’s here,” Zero said to Emily when Jude finally made it to the kitchen.

Jude gave Zero a look as he poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher. Zero, measuring formula into a bottle, didn’t notice.

“Watch the bottle,” Zero said after setting the microwave. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth.”

“Don’t wanna kiss Em with come on your breath?” Jude teased.

“No,” Zero said. “But I’ll kiss you.”

Zero grabbed Jude and pressed their lips together before Jude could escape. Not that he wanted to escape. Jude reached out blindly to set the glass on the counter, and then wrapped both arms around Zero and returned the kiss, his tongue sweeping Zero’s mouth, gathering up the taste of himself.

They only drew apart when the microwave dinged. Zero’s pupils were blown, and his cock pressed hard into Jude’s belly. Zero raised a hand and traced his thumb across Jude’s lips, red and swollen. “If we were alone,” Zero said, voice rough and breathless, “I’d put you on your knees and fuck your mouth.”

Jude’s belly did a little flip as he imagined it. Zero smirked when he saw the interest in Jude’s eyes. Jude’s only consolation was that Zero had the gait of a man with a problem when he left Jude’s side to get Emily’s bottle out of the microwave.

~*~

Sunday was as lazy as Saturday had been. Zero went out for a run and returned with coffee and breakfast sandwiches. He leaned over the back of the couch where Jude was sitting with Emily, and Jude tipped his head back for the kiss.

Zero pressed his lips to the top of Emily’s head, and Jude watched him walk to the kitchen to deposit cups and bakery bag. “I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Zero said.

“If you wait until after breakfast I’ll wash your back,” Jude offered.

“Will you,” Zero said.

Jude fought back a blush. This was Zero, his boyfriend, for god’s sake. The thought of Zero as his boyfriend made Jude’s skin go even hotter.

“I have no idea what you’re thinking right now,” Zero said. “But I definitely want to find out.”

Jude used the excuse of rising from the couch to hide his face. He set Emily on the mat so she could play in the gym, and then followed Zero to the kitchen where he was sipping from one of the cups and watching Jude over the top of it. Jude ignored the look and opened the bag, pulling out the sandwiches.

They sat next to each other at the island and ate. Jude asked Zero about his run, and Zero asked how things had gone with Emily while he was gone.

“Training camp opens in a week,” Jude commented, failing at casual.

Zero gave him a look. “I know.”

“And the season not long after that.”

“What’s your point, Jude?” Zero said.

Jude ignored Zero’s defensiveness. “You should start looking seriously at nannies.”

Zero concentrated on picking up bagel crumps with his finger. “We’re set with the daycare now,” he said.

“Which’ll work until the first night game or away game,” Jude reasonably pointed out. He reached over and placed his hand over Zero’s to stop him from obsessively picking up crumbs.

Zero stared at their hands a moment before speaking. “I’m afraid of jinxing us,” he said. Zero raised his eyes to Jude’s. “By planning ahead.”

“Yeah,” Jude said. He was also concerned that Emily could be taken away from them, from Zero, at any time. Now that they’d met her, Emily’s absence would leave a hole in their lives.

Jude slid off the stool so he could wrap Zero up in his arms. Jude stood like that, with Zero’s head resting against his chest. Finally Zero sighed and pulled away. They cleaned up their mess and went to check on Emily, who’d fallen asleep with her sleeve in her mouth.

Jude watched Zero carefully drape a blanket over her, and then he took Zero’s hand and walked with him to the bathroom where Jude made good on his promise to wash Zero’s back, among other things.

~*~

They settled into a routine the next week – the last one before training camp. Jude took Emily with him in the morning and dropped her at daycare. Zero spent the morning at the Arena working out, or running errands more easily accomplished without a baby in tow. They continued to keep the fact that Zero was her actual temporary guardian a secret, and so Jude picked her up at noon and met Zero in the parking lot for the transfer.

Sometimes Zero dropped by the Arena so Lionel could see Emily, other times he stopped by the market to pick up something he’d inevitably have forgotten, and other times he’d go directly home. In any case, Jude’s phone would start pinging with text alerts almost immediately as Zero sent him photo after photo of Emily being adorable.

Zero had sent Jude a few photos before, but it picked up after their talk about the nanny and the possibility of losing Emily, as if Zero was trying to document every moment of her time with them. Jude was unsurprised when he got home Friday to find Zero in the middle of preparing for another date night.

“I’m running late,” Zero said when Jude walked into the kitchen and saw him spreading dough onto a round sheet Jude hadn’t even known Zero owned. One day he was really going to have to go through these cupboards. “Lionel’s meeting ran over, so she was late picking up Em.”

Jude was surprised that Zero had let Emily go for even a night after the past week. He walked around the island and Zero paused in his task to lean over so Jude could kiss him.

“Welcome home,” Zero said.

“I’m glad to be home,” Jude said, and for a moment they just looked at each other.

Jude finally pulled back. “What are you making?” He looked at the fixings spread out on the island and laughed. “Pizza?”

“Homemade pizza,” Zero clarified.

“Can I help?” Jude offered.

“You can pick your toppings after you get out of that suit so you don’t ruin it.”

“You’re gonna let me do that by myself?” Jude said.

“Don’t tempt me,” Zero said, “or we’ll never eat.”

Jude snorted, and Zero gave Jude a chagrined look. “Yeah, I can’t believe I said that, either.”

“The romance is dead,” Jude said with exaggerated sadness.

“I’ll romance the hell out of you later,” Zero promised. “When my hands aren’t covered in flour.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jude said, and felt his cheeks heat.

Jude left Zero to his dough and dropped his briefcase in the guestroom. He changed out of his suit and into a pair of jeans and t-shirt, since Zero was wearing the same. He left his feet bare and slipped back out to the kitchen.

Zero had finished spreading the dough, and the topping bowls were lined up like little soldiers. He was drying his hands when he saw Jude. “I just need to bake the dough for about ten minutes before we put on the toppings,” Zero said as he slid the sheet into the oven. He set the timer and turned Jude. “What are we going to do while we wait?”

Jude laughed. “If you think it’s only going to take ten minutes, the romance really is dead.”

“I think we have time to get the engines warmed up,” Zero said with a waggle of his eyebrows that wasn’t sexy in the slightest.

Even so, Jude’s engine _was_ pretty warm when the timer went off. They each topped half the pizza – Zero, unsurprisingly, put lots of meat and cheese on his side. Jude went with a white broccoli with diced tomato and slices of black olives. Zero gave Jude a fake look of disgust at his topping choices, and then put the pie back in the oven for another ten minutes.

When he turned away from closing the oven, Jude pushed Zero back against the island and went to his knees in front of him. It was amazing what you could accomplish in ten minutes when you were motivated.

~*~

They got up early the next morning to go for a run, ate a slice of cold pizza at the counter, and then took a shower together – which did nothing to save time or water. They picked up coffee and pastry in payment and went to Lionel’s to pick up Emily. After a short visit, they hit the Farmer’s Market again, and in addition to vegetables and homemade baked goods, they left with an arrangement of flowers and some small decorative gourds and a basket to display them in.

~*~

Sunday morning Zero once again went out for a solo run while Jude stayed home with Emily. He found himself holding her long after she’d fallen asleep just to soak in the moment. Jude pressed his nose against her skin and wondered if they should approach Sally again and press her for a decision. He knew an attorney who could draw up the custody papers for them.

~*~

Emily was cranky Monday night, after her first full day at daycare. (And so was Zero after his first day at training camp.) Because they hadn’t known how the first day of training camp would play out, they’d agreed that Jude would just bring Emily home with him after work. She was crying when he dropped by to pick her up, overtired and overstimulated.

Emily stopped crying when she saw Jude, then started up again as if she blamed him for her unhappiness. Jude held her for a long time, uncaring of his suit, and let her cry herself out She was half asleep when Jude buckled her in the car seat. Emily made a little snuffling sound, as if she wanted to start crying again, but her eyelids were too heavy for her. Jude pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll always come back for you,” he promised.

The next two days were better, though on Wednesday Jude had to work late, so Zero stopped by that afternoon after he got out of practice and Jude met him in the parking lot. Zero had offered to pick Emily up directly from daycare so Jude didn’t have to interrupt his work, but Jude didn’t know how late he’d be and he liked those little stolen moments with Zero.

Jude rubbed his thumb over the two fingers he’d just touched to Zero’s fingers as if he could still feel the brush of skin, and watched Zero pull out of the parking lot with Emily before he turned and walked back into the office building.

Jude’s cell rang about half an hour later, just long enough for Zero to have gotten home. Jude smiled when he saw Zero’s name on the screen. He’d anticipated photos, but a call was unexpected.

“Hey,” Jude said, keeping his voice low so no one overheard the affection in his tone.

“Jude,” Zero said, his voice sharp, “you need to come home right now.”

The smile fell off Jude’s face at the urgency in Zero’s tone. “What’s wrong?” Jude said, already standing and packing up without a second thought for the work he needed to finish.

“Sally’s here,” Zero said. His voice cracked on the ‘r’. “Please hurry.”

“I will,” Jude said.

Jude’s heart raced at the idea that Sally was at Zero’s place. She was there to take Emily, Jude thought. Zero wouldn’t have sounded so upset if Sally had informed him that she wanted to give up custody. As big a deal as it would be, they were more prepared for that than they were for losing her. How could you prepare for something like that?

Jude pulled Zero’s Porsche in behind the Lincoln, barely turning off the ignition before he rushed to the condo. The door opened just as Jude’s foot touched the top step. Zero looked haggard.

“She was here when I got home, waiting on the step,” Zero told Jude in a whisper.

Jude squeezed Zero’s hand, then released it to walk into the living room. He could feel Zero right behind him, but Jude could only see Sally’s bent head. As he rounded the couch, Jude saw that she was holding Emily, looking down at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

“Sally,” Jude said.

Sally raised her head and there were tears in her eyes. Jude glanced down at Emily and felt tears burn his own eyes.

“You’ve decided then?” Jude said, even though he really didn’t want to hear her say the words.

“Yes,” Sally said. “I can’t thank you enough, both of you, for taking care of Emily when I couldn’t.”

Jude’s chest felt as if it was constricting, squeezing his heart. “What are you going to do?” he asked. “If . . . I can ask.”

“No, that’s . . . fine,” Sally said. “I swallowed my pride and called my mom. She didn’t say ‘I told you so’ like I thought she would, and she offered to help us out, so we’re moving back home. To Phoenix,” she added before Jude could ask.

“That’s good,” Jude said, but all he could think was how far away Sally was taking Emily.

Sally pushed to her feet. “Zero asked me to stay so you could say goodbye to Em.”

Jude glanced over at Zero, whose eyes looked suspiciously bright. Sally offered Emily to him, and when Jude picked her up out of Sally’s arms his throat closed up and made it difficult to swallow. Jude pulled Emily in close and buried his nose in her skin, as if he could memorize the scent of her.

Jude bit back a sound when he felt Zero move closer. One hand went to Jude’s back, a silent offer of support, and the other covered the hand Jude pressed to Emily’s back. He didn’t know how long they stood there, Zero holding Jude while they both held Emily for the last time, but a horn sounded outside and the moment was broken.

Jude held Emily so Zero could press a kiss to her head, and then he kissed her before handing her back to Sally.

“Do you need a ride?” Jude said.

“No, thank you, I have a ride,” Sally said.

“In that case,” Zero said, “would you like to take Emily’s things with you? That gym, the clothes . . .”

Sally glanced at the play gym. “I appreciate the offer, but we’ll be flying, so I can’t take a lot with me.”

“We can ship it,” Zero said. “If you don’t mind giving us the address.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Sally said.

“We want to do that,” Zero said.

Zero grabbed the pad of paper they used for grocery lists and a pen so Sally could write down her mom’s address.

“And phone number,” Jude said as he withdrew a business card. “If you don’t mind. You’ve already got my number in case you need anything, but Zero?”

Zero nodded and Jude had to turn away because he couldn’t bear to see the expression on Zero’s face. He wrote both of their cell numbers on the back of the card in case Sally hadn’t kept the other, and handed it to her.

There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Sally said, “I should . . .”

“Yeah,” Jude said. He and Zero watched as Sally buckled Emily in the car seat. Jude had to force himself not to push Sally aside and do it himself. The diaper bag had been stuffed with as much formula and diapers they could fit in it. Since Sally wasn’t taking the bus, Jude put the rest of the formula and diapers and wipes in a bag for her to take. They all walked out together, Zero carrying the stroller down the steps and setting it on the sidewalk.

Zero got the base out of the Lincoln, and the three of them walked to where Sally’s friend waited with the car. Zero made sure the base was properly hooked up, and then they helped to load Emily and her supplies into the car. Silent, they watched them drive away, and then returned to the condo. It seemed to Jude as if it was all happening in a dream.

Inside they sat side-by-side on the couch. They still didn’t speak – Jude didn’t know if he could open his mouth and not scream, or choke on the words he tried to speak. Eventually the silence became suffocating, and Zero broke it.

“She wasn’t mine,” Zero said, “so I couldn’t fight to keep her.”

Jude found Zero’s hand and clutched it as if he could prevent Zero from being so easily taken from him. “I know,” he said.

Silence enveloped them again, but before it could become smothering, Zero spoke again. “How did you know?”

“Timing,” Jude said. “You were still in Cleveland when Emily was conceived.

Zero made a humming sound.

“How did you know?” Jude asked.

Zero gave Jude a self-deprecating smile. “I think we both know I’m not a natural blond.”

It was Jude’s turn to hum in agreement.

“I wanted her to be mine, though,” Zero said.

“I know,” Jude said again. “Me, too.”

Jude rested his head on Zero’s shoulder. They didn’t speak, but the silence wasn’t a crushing weight on his chest any more. Zero tipped his head and rested his cheek against the top of Jude’s head. They continued to sit like that as the sun sank lower in the sky. The living room grew dim, but neither one of them could bring themselves to move and turn on a lamp. Jude didn’t think he would ever move again.

The doorbell rang, and still neither of them moved. It rang a second time.

“They’ll go away,” Zero said.

The doorbell didn’t ring again, but not long after Jude heard the sound of the front door opening and closing softly.

“They didn’t go away,” Jude said softly. “Are you being robbed?”

Zero shrugged.

“Hey,” Lionel said, “there you are. Why didn’t you answer the door?”

“It’s Lionel,” Jude said unnecessarily. “When did Lionel get a key?”

Zero winced. “I forgot to call her.”

“Forgot to call me about what?” Lionel demanded. “Jude, what are you doing home? And why are you sitting in the dark?”

Lionel found the switch and turned on a lamp. Her expression went from irritation to concern when she got a good look at them in the light. “What’s wrong?” Lionel said.

Jude tried to speak, but he couldn’t form the words to tell her that Emily was gone. As if she’d read his mind, Lionel glanced around the living room frantically. “Where’s Emily?” she demanded.

Jude swallowed hard against the tears that burned at the back of his eyes again. “Sally.”

“No.” Lionel shook her head. “No.” The denial came out a lot more watery the second time. Lionel raised the hand from which hung a shopping bag. “I brought . . .”

Lionel let her hand drop, and the bag slipped from her fingers. She made a sound, like she was biting back a sob. “Make room.”

Jude slid down as Lionel climbed over Zero’s legs and dropped between them in an ungraceful sprawl. Jude shifted so the purse hanging off her arm didn’t hit him in the balls and let her clutch his hand as if she was holding on for dear life.

Jude rested his head on Lionel’s shoulder as he’d done to Zero, and Lionel dropped her cheek on to his head. Lionel clutched Zero’s hand on the other side, and Jude reached his free hand across her for Zero to take in his other hand. Zero took Jude’s hand and let his head fall onto Lionel’s shoulder, their joined hands resting in her lap.

The three of them sat there, one large ball of shared misery, until Lionel shook herself. She released their hands and stood up, forcing Jude and Zero to drop their hands. “I need a drink,” Lionel announced as she climbed back over Zero’s legs and headed for the door.

Jude quickly got up and went around the other end of the couch so he could catch Lionel before she reached the door. He touched her arm. “Be careful.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, Jude,” Lionel said, but she threw her arms around Jude and held him tighter than he’d thought possible.

Lionel broke the hug suddenly and turned to reach for the door, but not before Jude saw the tear that had escaped to roll down her cheek. Jude didn’t say anything about the tear, just held the door for her and watched until she’d pulled out of the driveway.

Jude took one last breath of fresh air before closing the door and returning to the living room where the cloud of their grief hung over the room. Zero had slid forward to the edge of the couch; his elbows rested on his knees and he held his head in his hands. Jude stood in front of Zero and curled his fingers around Zero’s shoulder. Zero tipped forward and let his head rest against Jude’s leg.

“We should eat,” Jude said.

“I’m not hungry,” Zero said without inflection.

Jude wasn’t hungry either, and the thought of food made his stomach twist unpleasantly, but he didn’t know what else to do. He turned his head and saw the bag that Lionel had dropped. He couldn’t bring himself to look in it, so he let his gaze move past it to the gym that lay waiting for Emily to play in it again.

Jude gave Zero’s shoulder a warning squeeze before he stepped back. Zero raised his head as Jude turned towards the kitchen.

“Are you staying?”

“Yes,” Jude said, surprised by the question. “Of course I’m staying, of course I am. I just . . .” Jude didn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t _know_ what he needed. It wasn’t as if he’d thought they’d be able to keep Emily, not really. Jude made a meaningless gesture towards the hallway, and then slowly walked down it.

Jude paused outside the master bedroom before crossing the threshold and reaching out to flip the switch that turned on the lamps beside the bed. His eyes were immediately drawn to the pillow fort Emily had slept inside. Jude tried to tell himself that at least they’d have the bed to themselves now, rather than being separated, and that they’d be able to use the master bath instead of the guest bath so they didn’t disturb Emily. It was small comfort.

Jude hurried over to the bed and swiped his hand across the mattress, scattering the pillows as if that would soothe the hurt pulsing behind his ribs. The action uncovered the stuffed bunny that Emily liked to sleep with. Jude picked it up and stared at it, then turned around and dropped onto the edge of the mattress like a puppet whose strings had been cut, hands falling between his knees.

Jude heard Zero at the doorway, but he didn’t look up, not even when Zero sat beside him on the bed. “She doesn’t have bunny,” Jude said, voice cracking.

“We’ll make sure she gets it,” Zero said, and the gentleness in his tone, as if Jude was the one who needed comfort, was what finally broke him.

Jude twisted and leaned into Zero, burying his face in Zero’s neck. Zero brought his arms up around Jude and pressed his lips to the top of Jude’s head. Tears stung Jude’s eyes and then spilled over. Jude wrapped his arms around Zero without releasing bunny, and clung to him as his tears soaked Zero’s shirt.

“Sorry about your shirt,” Jude said some time later, his voice rough with the tears he’d shed.

“That’s okay,” Zero said. “I might’ve gotten snot in your hair.”

Jude laughed, though almost immediately it turned into a sob. “I didn’t think this would hurt so much.” To be honest, Jude had tried to not think about it at all, so maybe he had known just how much it would hurt to lose Emily.

“I know,” Zero said, and Jude could hear the emotion thick in his voice.

Jude raised his head. Zero’s eyes were red with unshed tears. Jude brought his hand to Zero’s face and realized it was the one still holding bunny. They both gave a little laugh when the fur rubbed Zero’s cheek.

Zero brought his hand to Jude’s face and used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a fresh tear. Zero tipped his head and pressed a kiss to Jude’s lips. “We’re gonna be alright,” he said, as much question as statement.

“Yes,” Jude agreed, because they had to be.

When Zero kissed him again, Jude returned the kiss. He released bunny so he could cup Zero’s cheek in his palm. The kiss deepened and they fell back on the mattress. There was a desperation to their kisses as they sought comfort in each other, rather than a frantic rush towards release. They slowly removed their clothes one article at a time until all their skin was bared. They moved together, replacing the ache of loss with their physical need for each other. A tear leaked out of Jude’s eye as Zero gently opened him up. On their sides, Zero slid into Jude. He held Jude close and moved his hips in shallow thrusts, tender and slow, as if they had all the time in the world.

Zero ran his hands over Jude, and stroked him lightly until Jude could sense the release that awaited him just around the corner. As if he’d sensed it also, Zero picked up his pace, not stopping the movement of his hand until Jude reached completion.

Zero spread his hand flat against Jude’s chest, his palm resting over Jude’s heart, and thrust into him slowly, gently, until he filled Jude with his release. Zero made a broken sound and Jude felt wetness on the back of his neck. Jude brought his hands up and hugged Zero’s arm close, holding Zero as he wept.


	6. chapter six

Jude hadn’t been able to sleep, so he’d gotten up and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt so he could run out to the car and get the briefcase he’d left in his rush to get into the house. He started a pot of coffee and set up on the island. Jude barely had a chance to skim the subject lines of the increasingly irate e-mails in his in-box when Zero, dressed just in a pair of boxers and undershirt, shuffled into the kitchen.

“Sorry,” Jude said with chagrin as he looked away from the screen. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Zero shrugged. “Wasn’t sleeping.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

Jude didn’t think Zero was going to answer, but then he said sheepishly, “Though you might be leaving.”

“I’m not leaving,” Jude said. He slipped off the stool and grabbed Zero by the arms. “Not leaving.” He slid his arms around Zero, and it only took a few seconds for Zero to bring his arms up around Jude.

They stood there for long minutes, taking strength and comfort from each other. Jude was loathe to break the embrace, but he eventually did pull back. “You have training camp in the morning, you should get some rest.”

“I can’t sleep,” Zero said.

“You should try,” Jude said gently. “Lie on the couch if you don’t want to go back to bed.” Strangely, lying on the bed without Emily’s pillow fort separating them was part of the reason Jude hadn’t been able to get comfortable.

“I guess,” Zero said without much enthusiasm. He indicated the laptop. “What are you doing?”

“Gonna try to finish up some of the work I bailed on yesterday,” Jude said, not mentioning the angry e-mails.

“Oh god.” Zero scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I forgot all about that.”

“Not your fault,” Jude said.

“If I hadn’t called you . . .”

“You absolutely should have called me,” Jude said. He imagined what it would’ve felt like to come home to Emily already gone and Zero grieving alone in the dark. “Always call me,” Jude said. “Alright?”

Jude waited until he saw Zero’s nod before clasping him in another hug. “You come first, _we_ come first, so never hesitate to call me.” Jude did hesitated before speaking his next words. “I love you.”

Zero made a sound, like all the air had been punched out of him, and let himself sink into the embrace. “I love you, too.”

Zero fell into a restless sleep on the couch, his feet tucked under Jude’s leg where Jude sat on the other end with the laptop, answering e-mails and working on contract revisions until the sky began to lighten.

Zero had just fallen into a deep sleep and Jude hated to wake him, but they both needed to get ready to leave. Zero gave Jude a smile when Jude gently shook him away, but then his gaze shuttered when reality sank back in.

Zero got dressed while Jude reheated the coffee and filled up travel mugs for each of them. Jude packed up his briefcase and he and Zero walked out to their cars together. They’d kissed goodbye inside the condo, but Jude still reached out to touch his the tips of two fingers to Zero’s. Zero gave Jude a smirk that was a very weak version of his usual, but Jude appreciated the effort.

Jude’s first stop was the daycare, where he told Kim that Emily wouldn’t be coming anymore and thanked her for all her help getting Emily signed up. “I’m sorry,” Kim said when Jude told her that Emily was back with her mom. “It’s for the best,” Jude said, the words like ashes on his tongue. From Kim’s sympathetic look, Jude was pretty sure he’d failed at making it sound believable.

At the agency, Jude bypassed his own office and made Jacobs’s office his first stop. He apologized for leaving early without contacting anyone and explained that Emily was back with her mom and that Zero had needed a friend.

“You could have called to let us know where you were,” Jacobs lectured, clearly displeased with Jude.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Jude said. “I was grieving, too, and I just didn’t think about it.”

“I could tell when I saw you with her that you were getting too attached,” Jacobs commented.

“Yes,” Jude said, making it sound like agreement. How could you _not_ get attached, and how much was too much?

A few hours later Jude was in his office, adding the final approved revisions to the contract that should’ve been ready last night, when Lucas appeared in his doorway.

“Hey,” Lucas said.

Jude raised his head and absently returned the greeting.

“Jacobs told me the good news,” Lucas said, stepping further into the office.

Jude leaned back in his chair and stretched, relieving muscles that had been bent over his laptop for too many hours. Lucas’s eyes darkened, but Jude ignored the reaction. “What good news?” Jude said, wondering if they’d gotten a new high-profile client that he hadn’t heard about. He’d been so busy with Zero and Emily lately, that it wouldn’t surprise him.

“That the kid’s back with her mother,” Lucas said blithely.

Blood rushed in Jude’s ears and though he saw Lucas’s lips move, he didn’t hear the words that Lucas spoke next.

“You call that good news?” Jude said, his voice deceptively soft.

“Well, yeah,” Lucas said with a grin, oblivious to the growing anger inside Jude. “It means you don’t have to help Zero out with her anymore, so your nights are freed up.”

“Zero isn’t the only one who fell in love with Emily,” Jude said. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The hurt over Emily’s loss, and the anger at Lucas’s cavalier attitude simmered inside Jude, but he wasn’t going to blow. “Look at me,” Jude said, and didn’t flinch away when Lucas misunderstood the invitation and let his hungry gaze moved over him. He was still wearing the jeans he’d put on that morning and he’d seen the dark circles under his eyes when he looked in the mirror. “Do I look like someone who is happy that Emily is gone?”

“You look great,” Lucas said, still in flirt mode.

“I look like crap,” Jude said. “Because I cried after Emily’s mother took her, and I didn’t get much sleep last night.” Jude paused to give himself a chance to calm down before the roiling emotions inside him boiled over. “Now’s really not a good time, Lucas.”

“I can see that,” Lucas said, still oblivious. “We’ll talk later. Maybe we can do something this weekend.”

Lucas left, and Jude had to resist the urge to throw something at the door he’d pulled closed behind him. Jude made himself set down the stapler he’d gone so far as to pick up off the desk.

Jude stuck around the office until the contract was signed and the meeting over, making sure he wasn’t needed to make any further changes or copies before he left for the day. He made one stop, but then went straight home to Zero after that.

No one greeted Jude when he entered the condo. As he passed through the living room, Jude noticed that the gym and Lionel’s shopping bag were missing. Jude paused only long enough to swing by the kitchen before heading down the hallway in search of Zero, whose car had been parked in the driveway when Jude pulled in.

Jude headed for the guestroom first, so he could drop off his briefcase. His steps came to a halt when he saw Zero standing at the foot of the bed, his back to Jude.

“I was thinking about making this room into a nursery if Em was going to be with us long-term,” Zero said without looking at Jude, without stopping what he was doing.

Jude stepped further into the room to see what that was – Zero was folding a pile of Emily’s freshly laundered clothes and adding them to the rest of her belongings, which were piled neatly on the mattress – clothes and toys and the gym.

“I didn’t know that,” Jude said. “It would’ve made a nice nursery.”

“After Lionel told us how to decorate it,” Zero said, then finally turned his head to look at Jude over his shoulder and give him a weak smile.

Jude smiled back, and stepped closer to Zero. He touched his hand to Zero’s lower back and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Maybe one day you still can,” Jude said.

Zero gave Jude a look of surprise. “You’d want that?”

“Yes,” Jude said. “One day. With you.”

Zero ducked his head and smiled. “Me, too. I didn’t think I would, but . . .” He caught sight of the briefcase in Jude’s hand, and his cheeks went pink. “I cleaned out some drawers in the master, and there’s plenty of room in the closet, if you want.”

Jude’s gaze was drawn to the closet where two lone suits hung, and then traveled back to Zero who was folding a onesie and trying to act as if Jude’s answer was no big deal. “Of course I want,” Jude said, ignoring the butterflies in his belly.

When Zero gave Jude a smile that was closer to what his smiles had looked like before yesterday, Jude was happy that he had. Jude grabbed the suits out of the closet and prepared to transfer them to the master closet. “Is it okay if I keep my briefcase in there, too?”

“You can use the den,” Zero said.

Jude had known that there was more to Zero’s condo, but he hadn’t snooped. “Are you sure?”

Zero shrugged. “Someone should use it.”

Jude hung the suits in the master closet, then dropped his laptop in the den, looking around the space that Zero rarely used. When Jude grabbed his duffel bag and headed for the master bedroom again, Zero followed to point out the drawers he’d emptied to make room. Jude hadn’t brought that many clothes with him, and some of that was in the laundry, so there was still a lot of room remaining when he’d put them in the drawers.

“You’ll need to bring over more clothes,” Zero said. “If you want.”

Jude wanted. Before, he and Zero had spent most of their time together at Jude’s apartment, but now that Jude had spent time here with Zero and Emily, he couldn’t imagine leaving. “Maybe I can do that this weekend while you’re at training camp,” Jude said, which earned him another smile.

Jude’s stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday and was lucky that all the coffee he’d drank to stay awake hadn’t given him an upset stomach. “Let’s order something for supper.”

They walked out to the kitchen together. Zero picked up the bag Jude had left lying on the island after stowing his purchases in the freezer. “You picked up fro-yo?”

Jude smiled, because hearing Zero say ‘fro-yo’ never got old. “It was that kind of day,” he said.

“What happened?”

They ordered food, and then Jude told Zero about his encounters with Jacobs and Lucas.

“He called it ‘good news’?” Zero said when Jude was done, his voice dangerously low.

Jude nodded.

“I think it’s time we get rid of Lucas,” Zero said.

“You mean as your agent, right? And not ‘buy shovels and bury him in the desert’.”

Zero paused in rifling through the silverware drawer. “I _meant_ as my agent,” he said, “but your idea . . .”

“No,” Jude said.

Zero gave Jude a look. “You take all the fun out of everything.”

Jude snorted. “That’s not what you were saying in the shower the other day.”

“Well,” Zero said as he opened the freezer, “maybe not _everything_.” He got out the two cartons of frozen yogurt Jude had brought home and set them on the island, then handed Jude a spoon.

“We’re starting with dessert?” Jude said, taking the stool beside Zero without argument.

Zero waggled his eyebrows. “Unless you have other ideas.”

Jude rolled his eyes, but let Zero give him a kiss that tasted like mango pineapple cheesecake.

~*~

Jude was wearing a suit he’d taken out of the master closet that morning after climbing out of the master bed and showering in the master bath. There was something about Zero having made space for Jude in his home that made Jude’s heart beat fast. Jude had believed Zero’s words when he’d told Jude that he wanted him to be a permanent fixture in his life, but it felt more real when Zero suited action to words.

It also didn’t hurt that they’d both gotten more sleep than the night before, even though they’d been lost without Emily to care for during the evening. Zero hadn’t said anything this morning, but Jude was certain he’d gotten up during the night at Emily’s usual time. Jude wondered when they’d start sleeping through the night again, instead of waking with the expectation of Emily’s cry.

Jude had seen Lucas earlier that morning when they’d passed each other in the corridor. Lucas hadn’t spoken, but his gaze had moved over Jude leaving him feeling like he needed another shower. The rest of the day had been uneventful aside from an invitation to lunch from a woman who told Jude that knowing he’d stepped up to help Zero care for Emily (Jude couldn’t even manage surprise that his part in it had leaked at the agency), made him ten times more attractive. Jude had blushed and stammered an excuse before hurrying back to his office.

Jude was currently counting down the minutes before he could go home and see Zero. He smiled at the memory of Zero trying to eat frozen yogurt out of the dip in Jude’s lower back before it melted. Jude groaned when his phone rang – this close to quitting time it could only be bad news. Jude was proven right when Jacobs’s administrative assistant Marge told Jude that his presence was requested immediately.

Jude catalogued their current client list in an attempt to figure out who’d imploded, how much shit had hit the fan, and what kind of PR would be necessary to fix it. Jude was ready for anything when he reached Jacobs’s office and followed Marge’s instruction to go right in – anything except for seeing Zero standing in front of the bank of floor-to-ceiling windows, the angle of the sun slanting across his face making him look like a model.

Jude closed the door behind him and forced his gaze to look over the other two men in the room as realization dawned. Jacobs was leaned back in his chair behind the desk; Lucas stood with his arms crossed and his jaw clenched. “What’s going on?” Jude said.

“Zero has approached us with a request,” Jacobs said.

From the way he said ‘request’, Jude figured he meant ‘demand’. Jude glanced at Lucas, who was glaring back at Jude. He couldn’t know that Jude had anything to do with Zero’s request, so it was probably merely because he couldn’t glare at his boss or their client. Jude turned his gaze back onto Jacobs and tried his best to look ignorant.

“What request is that?” Jude said.

“He wants you to be his ‘main number one guy’ at the agency,” Jacobs said, quoting Zero.

“He what?” Jude said, channeling his surprise at seeing Zero standing in Jacobs’s office into the question.

“You don’t have a lot of experience taking point with our clients,” Jacobs said, “but you were one of our best junior agents before Zero first singled you out of that group, and Zero has made some very compelling arguments on your behalf.”

“He has?” Jude said, the surprised pleasure at that comment unfeigned.

Jude couldn’t look at Zero, so he glanced at Lucas, who was still scowling at him. Jude quickly looked away.

“What are your thoughts, Jude?” Jacobs said.

“My thoughts?” Jude said. He had to walk a fine line because both Jacobs and Lucas knew, or thought they knew, more about his relationship with Zero than Jude wanted either of them to know.

Before Jude could respond, Zero said to Jacobs, “You said I’d get a chance to make my case to Jude.”

Jacobs gestured with his hand, and Zero pushed away from the windows and sauntered over to Jude. Jude crossed his arms and let his irritation at being blind-sided by this meeting slip into the look he gave Zero. Zero gave Jude a look that acknowledged the trouble he was in, then clasped Jude’s upper arms.

“As my agent you’ll get a pay raise and I’ll give you a larger percentage of my endorsements,” Zero said.

Jude raised his eyebrows. “You think money is going to sway me?”

“No,” Zero said, shaking his head, “but I want you back. As my agent. And I don’t have anything else to offer you.”

“Why me?” Jude said, struggling to pretend that he hadn’t been the slightest bit moved by Zero’s words, or the expression on his face that only Jude could see.

“Because you’ve always believed in me,” Zero said. “You’re good at your job, and you get me, but more importantly, you care. You weren’t even my agent officially, but you helped me with Emily anyway. Not many people would’ve done that,” Zero said, throwing shade at Lucas.

Jude had to swallow hard before he could speak. “You’ve told me why you want me to be your agent, but not why I should accept,” he said.

Zero looked surprised for a moment, and then he laughed “You care, and you’re compassionate, but you’re still ambitious. You could ride my coattails straight to the top.”

Zero’s eyes were dark and Jude’s heart started racing. Jude paused before replying, giving the impression that he had to at least put _some_ thought into it. Ambition was a good card to play, and possibly the only thing Lucas would believe would make Jude work with someone he supposedly had unrequited feelings for.

“No more prostitution scandals,” Jude said.

“Promise,” Zero said, giving Jude a look he was glad no one else could see. Zero released Jude with one hand and crossed his heart.

Jude scoffed. “Fine,” Jude said. “I accept.”

Jude could see Zero’s struggle to not kiss him. He raised his eyebrows and stepped back, turning his attention to Jacobs, who still sat relaxed behind the desk as if Zero hadn’t just been jockeying for a new agent.

“Very well,” Jacobs said. “Lucas, you’re excused.”

Lucas looked like he wanted to explode, and Jude could see the effort it took for him to hold his tongue. Before Lucas could leave, though, Zero went over and extended his hand. Lucas had no choice but to accept the offered hand, and then he hid a wince when Zero clasped his hand and gave him a fake smile.

“Nothing personal,” Zero said without much sincerity. “You’re just not Jude.”

Lucas was too busy trying to set Jude on fire with his brain to realize that he was flexing the fingers Zero had released from his death grip. The room remained silent until the door closed behind Lucas.

“As of this moment you are officially Zero’s agent,” Jacobs said. “Your pay raise and additional benefits will go into effect today, but you’ll need to see HR on Monday to sign the papers.”

“There’s really a pay raise?” Jude said, having not paid much heed to Zero’s promises.

“You’ve leveled up from junior agent,” Jacobs said. “Your salary will reflect that. As will your vacation time. Zero will also be signing a new contract to give you a greater percentage of his endorsements.”

Jude’s head spun; everything was happening so quickly now.

“Lucas is still Derek Roman’s agent, but since you’ve got an in with the Devils management, you’ll remain our point man at the Arena.”

Jude had trouble believing how easily they’d gotten everything they wanted.

“Now, if there’s nothing else, I need to get back to work.”

Jude knew a dismissal when he heard one. He led the way out of the office, and Zero followed him back to his. As soon as Zero shut the door behind him, Jude pushed him back against it and kissed him.

Zero smirked at Jude and grabbed his ass. “If I didn’t know there were a dozen ears out there trying to hear what’s going on in here, I’d bend you over that desk.”

Jude went hot. “If I didn’t know there were a dozen ears out there, I’d let you.”

Zero gave Jude a fierce grin and took his mouth in a biting kiss. When they parted, Jude said, “Home?”

“You ready to leave?” Zero said.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Jude promised.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They stepped apart and straightened their clothes, and Jude opened the door for Zero to leave. Jude was tempted to watch Zero walk down the hallway, but he forced himself to pack up his briefcase. Jude looked up when he head a sound in the doorway. He wasn’t surprised to see Lucas standing there.

“You’re never going to get over him if you spend all of your time with him.”

“You’re probably right,” Jude said, trying to sound pained about it. “So I think you and I should remain just colleagues – it wouldn’t be fair to you when I’ve still got feelings for someone else.”

Lucas sneered. “I didn’t want to marry you, I just wanted to go on a date, have a good time.” From the look Lucas gave him, Jude could guess what that ‘good time’ included. “Guess I’ll have to find someone else to fetch coffee.”

Jude kept a bland smile on his face. “I guess you will.”

(Later that night, when Zero told Jude that he was also splitting the percentage with Lucas on the endorsements that Zero had received since the championship game, claiming that he’d gotten them because of the work Jude did after the prostitution scandal, Jude didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty.)

~*~

Jude forgot about Lucas by the time he’d cleared the door that spilled him out onto the sidewalk because Zero was going to be waiting for him at home. Even the fact that he was once more driving his own Porsche instead of the Lincoln with Emily in the backseat or Zero’s flashier red one was barely a passing thought as he settled into the driver’s seat.

The ride home took forever, and passed in the blink of an eye. Before he knew it, Jude was pulling into the driveway beside Zero’s Porsche. His stomach did a pleasant little flip as he turned off the ignition. Jude walked to the front door with a skip in his step, which made Jude chuckle at himself as he let himself into the house.

Jude nearly jumped out of his shoes when he glanced up from closing the door to see Zero leaning against the doorframe of the living room entryway, arms crossed over his chest in a casual pose. Which would’ve been a lot more effective if Zero hadn’t been completely naked.

“Wha–?” Jude said as he let his gaze move up and down Zero’s body.

Zero spread his arms. “Told you I’d be waiting.” He pushed off the doorframe and moved into the living room.

Jude, being careful not to trip over his tongue, followed. “I didn’t know you were gonna start without me,” he said, letting the briefcase slip out of his fingers while he unbuttoned his suit jacket with the other hand.

Zero stopped walking when he reached the couch. He turned to face Jude and draped himself across the back of it. “Saved the most important bit for you,” Zero practically purred.

Jude wanted to laugh at how over-the-top sexy Zero was being, except it was a lot more effective that Jude wanted to admit. Jude tossed his jacket in the direction of a chair, but didn’t even bother checking to see if it reached its target or landed on the floor. The erection pressing against the front of his slacks stole most of his focus.

“Like what?” Jude said, voice breathless despite his attempt at calm. He tugged on the knot at his throat and watched Zero’s eyes go dark as his gaze followed the movement of Jude’s fingers.

Still, Zero was able to lean backwards and procure a tube of lube off the couch cushions where he must’ve placed it. He wagged it at Jude, and then turned around to bend over the back of the couch.

All of the air rushed out of Jude and he struggled to get enough back into his lungs so he could speak. “Really?”

Zero gave the back of the couch a test shake. “I’ve always wanted to know how sturdy this couch was.” Zero glanced back at Jude with a gleam in his eyes.

That wasn’t what Jude had meant, but Zero knew that very well. Jude tossed the tie . . . somewhere, and began working on the buttons of his shirt as he continued to move closer to where Zero stood, legs spread, ass on display. When he was close enough, Jude couldn’t resist reaching out and touching, sliding his hand over Zero’s lower back and down his ass, pulling one cheek away from the other to expose the hole nestled between them.

Zero moaned Jude’s name as he pressed back into Jude’s hand. Jude hurriedly removed the rest of his clothes and took the tube that Zero slapped into his hand. Jude squeezed a large dollop onto his first two fingers and rubbed them in a circle over Zero’s hole.

Zero made a needy sound and spread his legs even wider. Jude stepped closer and pressed his cock against Zero’s hip as he pressed a finger inside him.

“I can take more than that,” Zero said, but Jude ignored him, worked that one finger in and out of him, curling it on the withdrawal so that he nudged Zero’s prostate with each stroke. Only when Zero’s thighs trembled from the effort of holding himself back did Jude add a second finger on the next push in.

Zero made a sound that could’ve been pain or relief. Jude kept his strokes slow and careful so Zero had time to adjust, only speeding up when Zero said, “I’m not going to break, Jude.”

When Zero finally growled, “Come on, I’m ready,” Jude added a third finger.

They did this sometimes, but usually it was Jude who was begging Zero to fuck him harder, faster. There were times, though, like this one, when Zero needed to feel the stretch and burn, needed to feel Jude surrounding him, filling him. The additional preparation was as much to make sure he didn’t hurt Zero as to make certain that Zero received everything he needed when he opened himself to Jude like this.

Jude withdrew his fingers when Zero went nonverbal and was no longer able to bite back the desperate sounds that filled his throat as he pushed back onto Jude’s fingers. “Condom?” Jude said.

“No,” Zero said without lifting his head.

Jude didn’t say anything in response, but his hand shook as he slicked up his cock. They did this sometimes, too, but they’d been very careful since they’d gotten back together. Jude hadn’t been with anyone besides Zero, and Jude knew that Zero was careful.

“We should get tested again,” Jude said.

“We can,” Zero agreed, “but I haven’t been with anyone since we . . .”

Jude’s hand stopped its movement. “What?”

Now Zero did look back at Jude. “Don’t make a thing out of it,” he said, but Jude could always read Zero, and he could tell that the nonchalance was faked.

With their eyes locked, Jude gripped Zero’s hip with one hand and used the other to guide the head of his cock to Zero’s hole. It slipped along the cleft between Zero’s cheeks before finding purchase on the puckered skin. Jude pushed, and Zero’s eyelids fluttered. Jude had to bite his bottom lip as his cock was gripped in the tight warmth of Zero’s asshole.

Jude pressed in slowly, then withdrew just as slowly and did it again. Zero’s fingers dug into the back of the couch, his head dropped low. He groaned Jude’s name and the sound of it sent a shiver down Jude’s spine.

Once he was sure that Zero had adjusted to having Jude’s cock inside him, Jude sped up his thrusts by increments until his hips were slapping against Zero’s ass with each drive of Jude’s cock inside him. Zero braced himself on the back of the couch and pushed back onto Jude’s cock, taking him even deeper.

Jude couldn’t form words, but he also couldn’t stop the sounds from spilling out of his throat.

“Fuck me, Jude, take . . . ,” Zero said.

Jude’s hips moved faster as his balls tightened. Heat pooled in his belly and his toes wanted to curl. Jude thought about Zero taking and taking because no one had ever given him anything. He’d had to fight for everything. Zero had never let anyone inside, never met anyone who made him want to give back instead of just take. It was the last thought Jude had before stars exploded behind his eyelids and his brain shut down.

When Jude returned to himself, his fingers had a death grip on Zero’s hips and he’d dropped his head so that his forehead rested between Zero’s shoulder blades. Jude made a sound and pressed his lips to the damp skin along Zero’s spine.

“You back among the living?” Zero said, somehow managing to convey amusement, concern, and sexual frustration in the question.

Jude licked his lips. “Um, yes?”

“Good,” Zero said, “because now it’s my turn.”

Jude growled when Zero reached for himself, which surprised both of them enough for Jude to fumble his hand off Zero’s hip so he could grab his wrist. Jude raised his head and closed his teeth on the spot where Zero’s shoulder met neck, and Zero went still beneath him.

Jude raised his head further, until his lips were beside Zero’s ear. “Mine,” he said, and felt Zero shudder beneath him.

“Then do something with it,” Zero said, insouciant, as if he hadn’t just responded so beautifully to Jude’s claim.

In lieu of words, Jude’s response was to place Zero’s hand back on the couch and then to wrap his fingers around the hard length of Zero’s cock. Zero made a sound even though he tried not to.

Jude rested his chin on Zero’s shoulder. “I want to hear it,” he said as he slowly dragged his hand from base to tip. “I want to hear what this does to you,” Jude said with another slow, too light stroke of his hand.

“Fuck you,” Zero ground out, the words at odds with the fine tremors Jude could feel running through Zero’s body.

“Been there . . . ,” Jude began, startling a laugh out of Zero that forced Jude’s softening cock out of him with a wash of come. Zero groaned, and Jude had to bite back his own. His voice was a little rough when he finished, “. . . done that.”

“I’d say ‘fuck you’ again,” Zero said, “but that’s what got us here.”

“I’m pretty sure you being all forceful and demanding and possessive in Jacobs’s office is what got us here,” Jude said.

“Like that, did you?” Zero said. Jude couldn’t see his face, but he didn’t need to, to know that Zero’s trademark smirked graced it.

“I did,” Jude admitted.

“Enough to let me come?” Zero said dryly.

Jude hummed a noncommital response as he twisted his hand around the head of Zero’s cock on the next up-stroke. Jude liked the sound Zero made then, so he did it again. He stroked Zero’s cock a few more times, finding the bundle of nerves beneath the ridge each time, enjoying the sounds Zero couldn’t bite back, sounds that got more desperate with each rub of Jude’s thumb on that spot. When Zero made a sound that alerted Jude he was close, Jude rubbed the nub until Zero went taut, his cock swelling in Jude’s hand before it spilled come over his fingers.

Jude milked Zero’s release until he became too sensitive, and then just held him as he softened. Jude rubbed his hand over Zero’s hip and then brought his arm up and around Zero, his hand resting flat against Zero’s chest.

Zero breathed deeply and straightened his arms which had folded when he’d come. He patted the back of the couch that was taking both their weight. “I guess this couch is sturdy,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jude agreed. “Now we just need to hope that the fabric was stain-proofed.”

Zero laughed and pushed himself to standing. Jude remained plastered to his back. Zero patted Jude’s hand. “We need to clean up the couch and take a shower.”

“Ugh, yeah,” Jude agreed as he peeled himself off of Zero, the air of the living room feeling cool against his sweat-slicked skin.

“I hope your suit’s not too wrinkled,” Zero commented as he went in search of something to clean the couch and rug.

“Why?” Jude said, taking that comment as a reminder to start picking up the pieces of his scattered suit.

“Because we’re going out,” Zero said.

Jude paused to watch naked Zero scrub his come off the back of the couch. “We are?”

“Yes,” Zero said firmly. “We’re celebrating. Plus,” he added, his tone too casual, “it’s date night.”

“We’re going out?” Jude said. They’d be on a date, but all people would see was an agent and his client celebrating. It was the perfect cover, just as Jude had thought it would be. He shook out his suit pants. They’d gotten a little bit wrinkled lying crumpled on the floor, but they’d do.

What Zero hadn’t told Jude was that Lionel was meeting them at the restaurant.

“Jude!” Lionel called when she saw them from the bar where she was waiting. She slid off the stool gracefully so that she was standing when they reached her. Lionel pulled Jude into a hug, then leaned back and looked at them both. “Everything went well?”

“If you’re asking whether I’m Zero’s agent again, then yes,” Jude said with a grin.

“And if you’re asking whether Lucas is feeling the hurt, then yes,” Zero said dryly.

“Excellent,” Lionel said. “First round is on me.”

Lionel slipped back onto her stool and waited for them to place their orders with the bartender – since this was a celebration they both went with scotch instead of beer – and then said, “I want to hear everything.”

Zero told Lionel how he’d maneuvered Jacobs into giving Jude ‘whatever it takes’ to get him to agree to be Zero’s agent again, and Jude listened attentively because he hadn’t been present for this part of the meeting. Halfway through Zero’s story they were escorted to their table and Zero paused the retelling until they’d had a chanced to look at the menu and order.

“Lucas is especially pissed because he has to share his portion of the percentage he got on my endorsements with Jude,” Zero said with glee.

“Wait, what?” Jude said.

“Yeah,” Zero said, eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “I told them that you’d technically earned that commission because you’d done the work ‘redeeming my reputation’, and those endorsements were a credit to you, and you should’ve gotten paid for ‘em. Lucas was steaming.”

“No wonder he was glaring at me when I came in,” Jude said.

Zero smirked at Jude over the top of his tumbler and reached out with his leg to pull Jude’s foot between his. Jude hid his blush in his own drink.

“You two are so adorable,” Lionel said, making the word ‘adorable’ sound more like something she’d stepped in than anything good.

“Thanks,” Zero said dryly.

“I’m seriously happy for you both,” Lionel said. She raised her martini glass which held two olives and not much else at this point, and Zero and Jude followed suit. “To a long, prosperous, and happy partnership,” Lionel toasted.

“I’ll drink to that,” Jude said, smiling as he touched the edge of his tumbler to Lionel’s glass.

Zero touched his tumbler to both of theirs. “To all of that, and more.”

“And now we’re back to you two smiling like idiots at each other,” Lionel said. “I need another drink.”

Jude ducked his head and tried to wipe the smile off his face. Him being Zero’s agent was supposed to be a cover for their relationship, but if he couldn’t stop looking sappily at Zero he’d blow it.

The conversation moved away from Jude and Zero, and by mutual accord they stayed away from the Devils or Oscar. Over a large dessert that they all shared – because no celebration was complete without dessert – Jude asked Lionel what she wanted them to do with the toy she’d bought for Emily, and then explained that they’d be mailing a package to Sally once she was settled.

“You know where she’s going?” Lionel said.

“Yeah,” Jude said. “Her mom’s in Phoenix.”

“I bought it for Emily, so of course she should have it,” Lionel said.

Lionel got quiet after that, and Jude was sorry he’d brought it up. It wasn’t too much later when Lionel said she had to get going. Zero paid the bill while Jude walked Lionel to her car and gave her a hug that went longer than he’d expected.

“I’m happy for you,” Lionel said when she pulled away. “Really. And for myself that I don’t have to deal with that weasel Lucas anymore.”

“He’s not that bad,” Jude said, more out of reflex than because he believed it at this point. “And he’s also still Derek’s agent.

“Why do you have to do this to me, Jude?” Lionel said.

Jude smiled. “Sorry?”

“You’re not,” Lionel said, “but I love you anyway.” Lionel went up on her toes and pressed a kiss to Jude’s cheek.

Lionel slid gracefully into the driver’s seat and Jude waited until she’d driven away before heading back into the restaurant in search of Zero. Jude found him leaning against the bar, a drink in his hands, his eyes on Jude the moment he stepped into the bar area, as if he’d been watching for him. Zero smiled when their eyes met, and Jude felt an answering smile spread over his face.

There was already a drink waiting for him on the bar. “Did you drug this?” Jude said as he picked up the tumbler to take a sip.

“You mean you’re not a sure thing?” Zero said.

“I suppose I am,” Jude said. He licked his lips and watched Zero’s gaze drop to his mouth. It was a consolation that Zero was a sure thing, as well.

Jude set his glass down. “I’m probably going to have to meet with Lucas on Monday to go over your file.”

“Business, Jude?” Zero said with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, we are celebrating the fact that I’m your agent again,” Jude said, leaning against the bar and trying to match Zero’s casual pose. “Among other things.”

Jude let his gaze wander over the bar area, tables, booths, and a small dance floor in front of an even smaller stage that just held a piano where someone was currently playing a song Jude recognized from the movie ‘Titanic’. Only a few couples were taking advantage of the dance floor and Jude couldn’t help a flash of envy. “Let’s go home and dance,” he said.

Zero gave Jude a look. “Is that a euphemism?”

Jude finished his drink. “It could be.”


	7. chapter seven

Even though he didn’t have anywhere to be, Jude got up with Zero the next morning.

“What?” Zero said when he caught the look Jude gave him as he blended up a nutritional drink.

“You know you’re going to beg me to order pizza for dinner,” Jude said, “so why are you bothering with the gross green drink?”

“This gross green drink is _why_ I get to order pizza tonight,” Zero said. He held his nose and drank it quickly, then took a gulp of water to wash it down before speaking again. “So, now that you’re officially the agency’s liaison again, you should stop by the Arena today.”

“Yeah,” Jude said, hiding all trace of a smile behind his coffee mug. “I should check in with Lionel.”

“Yeah, wise ass,” Zero said. “And you should also check in with your best and favorite client.”

“Who would that be?” Jude said.

“Did I break your brain last night?” Zero said with a smirk.

Jude’s face went warm at the memory of Zero gently press him into the mattress and taking him apart.

“Yeah,” Zero said, soft, satisfied. He put his arms around Jude. “I’ve got to get going.”

“Yeah,” Jude said. He touched Zero’s face with his free hand and then they were kissing, though Jude didn’t know who’d moved first. It was supposed to be merely a goodbye kiss, but Jude was breathless by the end of it. And somehow he’d still managed to not spill his coffee.

Zero reluctantly stepped back and released Jude. He picked up the duffel bag he’d dropped in the hallway and Jude followed him to the front door, both hands cradling the mug so he wasn’t tempted to reach out for another kiss.

Zero opened the door and gave Jude a look that said more than his words. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” Jude said, “I’ll stop by the Arena later.”

Zero nodded, and extended his hand. Jude smiled, and reached out to brush the tips of his fingers against Zero’s.

Jude stood there for a moment after the door closed, just breathing, basking in the utter perfectness of the moment. Jude shook himself out of it and walked back into the living room where the furniture was still pushed back to give them room to dance. Jude remembered how they’d held each other close and moved together, clumsily at first until they settled on who was going to lead.

Jude continued on without letting himself get more distracted by memories of last night. It was difficult when he glanced at the couch, but Jude made it to the kitchen. He dumped out the cooling remains of the coffee in his mug and rinsed it out, then filled a travel mug with hot before heading for the bedroom to get dressed. He needed to run by the dry cleaners, and maybe think about finding one nearer to Zero’s condo. He should also stop by his apartment to pick up more clothes while they still had the Lincoln.

Thinking that reminded him of Emily; Jude paused outside the guestroom, and then stepped inside. He looked at the clothes and toys piled on the bed. Jude picked up bunny and stroked its soft fur with his thumb, picking at a matted ear. When he left the guestroom, Jude still held bunny in his hand. Jude got dressed in a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved Henley, and a pair of worn sneakers. He grabbed the bag of dry-cleaning and the empty duffel bag, and only paused long enough to grab the travel mug off the island.

Jude backed the Lincoln out of the driveway and pointed it towards the gate. He checked the time on the dashboard clock, then glanced at bunny lying innocuously on the passenger seat. Instead of turning left towards his apartment, Jude turned the car right. Jude very purposefully didn’t think about what he was going to do. He found a parking spot and walked the four blocks to Sally’s apartment with bunny clutched in his hand.

Jude knocked on Sally’s door and tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. He was beginning to wonder whether he should knock again (or leave) when he heard footsteps. The door opened as far as the security chain allowed, and Jude forced himself to smile, though it felt more like a grimace.

“Hi, Sally, it’s Jude,” Jude said, even though he doubted that she’d forgotten him in the last couple of days. He held up bunny. “We found this . . .”

The door closed and Jude’s heart plummeted, but then he heard the scrape of the security chain being undone and the door opened again. Sally grabbed bunny and held it to her chest. “Thank you! I was afraid we’d lost this.”

“We found it under the blankets after . . .”

“Would you like to come in?” Sally offered into the silence after Jude’s words trailed off.

Jude was torn between saying yes, which he desperately wanted to do, and no, which he probably _should_ do. “Are you sure?” Jude said instead of making a decision immediately.

“Of course,” Sally said, opening the door wider.

Jude stepped into the apartment without conscious thought. Sally closed the door behind him and Jude followed Sally as she moved into the living area, which was crowded with boxes in the process of being packed and Emily in some sort of bouncy thing.

“Emmy,” Sally said, “look what Jude brought.”

When Emily saw bunny, she dropped the rattle she’d been alternately shaking and chewing on, given the amount of drool on it, and reached for the stuffed animal. Sally placed bunny in her hands and Emily immediately shoved one ear into her mouth.

Sally smiled at Jude, and he stepped closer. Emily kicked her feet and reached for Jude with one hand, gurgling around the furry ear.

“Go ahead,” Sally said, and Jude immediately went to his knees. He unbuckled Emily from the bouncy seat and lifted her into his arms.

“Hey,” Jude said as he held Emily close and pressed his nose into her neck. “Hey there.” Jude’s eyes prickled and he closed them to keep the tears from falling.

~*~

Jude had to sit in the car for a few minutes to get his breathing under control and to clear his vision before he slid the key into the ignition. Jude drove to the dry cleaners in a daze, barely remembering how he’d gotten there when he pulled into one of the parking spots in front of the building.

Jude made himself smile and make small talk while he dropped off and picked up his dry cleaning. He made the trip to his apartment by rote, turning the key in the lock with an unsteady hand. Jude shut the door behind himself and just stood there looking around, the keys still in one hand, his duffel in the other.

The apartment didn’t look different, but it _felt_ different. This place had been home for Jude since shortly after he’d gotten the job with the agency, but recently he’d begun thinking of Zero’s place as home. Jude skirted the chair and dropped onto the couch, where he stared at nothing. He’d originally been staying with Zero because of Emily, and they hadn’t talked about what they were going to do now that she was back with her mother.

Jude let his gaze wander around the living room – there were some photos, Zero’s framed jersey, an angel figurine that had come to Jude from his grandmother through his mom, his bike, but nothing else he’d miss if he never saw it again. Jude ran his hand over the couch cushion and recalled how excited he’d been when he’d bought it at a second hand store. Jude leaned forward and reached for the pillow on the chair across from him. His mom had embroidered it for him as a housewarming gift.

Jude brushed his fingers over the soft threads, then set the pillow on the couch and went to fill his duffel bag with jeans and t-shirts, underwear and socks. He paused when he saw his bed, the bed he and Zero had slept in their first time, and every time after. Jude hurriedly packed his duffel bag and headed to the Arena, leaving the tough questions of what they were going to do for later.

Jude parked in a visitor spot, walked slowly up the steps. He held the key card under the scanner and waited for the green light. He’d only been here a few times since the night of the championship game to visit Lionel, and it felt strange to be back in an official capacity.

Lionel wasn’t in her office when Jude stuck his head in, so he took the stairs and found Lionel in her second favorite place, the VIP lounge that looked over the court.

“Your boy’s looking good,” Lionel said without taking her eyes off of the paper she was marking up with a red pen.

“He’s not my boy,” Jude said reflexively as he glanced down to the court where the team was currently running sprints. Unsurprisingly, Zero and Derek appeared to be racing each other.

“Technically, he is,” Lionel said, “since you’re his agent again.”

Jude was quiet as he slid into the chair next to Lionel and stared unseeing at the court. He didn’t speak, the silence around them broken only by the scratch of Lionel’s pen, the squeak of rubber on the boards, and the occasional shrill sound of Pete’s whistle.

Lionel finally set aside her paperwork and Jude could feel her gaze on him. “What’s wrong?”

Jude shook his head, then admitted, “I did something stupid.”

“You mean aside from taking Zero back as a client?” Lionel said teasingly.

Jude gave her a look.

“Tell Auntie Lionel all about it,” Lionel said.

Jude sighed, then blurted, “I went to see Emily this morning.”

“Oh, Jude,” Lionel said. She reached over and squeezed Jude’s arm. “How was it?”

“Wonderful,” Jude said. “Horrible.”

Lionel gave Jude’s arm a final squeeze, then leaned back in her chair. They watched the team run through some drills. More than one player and coach noticed Jude sitting up there with Lionel. Zero’s reaction was very different from Derek’s (which made Jude wonder if he’d already heard that Jude and Zero were a team again), and Zero’s smile carried Jude through the rest of the day.

Jude stopped at the Farmer’s Market on the way home for salad fixings and other fresh vegetables for snacking. It took a couple of trips to unpack the car and find a home for everything. He rinsed the vegetables and left them in the dish drainer, then went for a run in the park near Zero’s condo, where they’d once taken Emily. At home again, Jude showered and dressed. He sat on the couch and turned on ESPN, and let the words wash over him.

Jude blinked when he heard the key in the lock. He tipped his head back and said, “Hey,” before he saw Zero.

“Hey,” Zero said. A moment later he bent over the back of the couch and kissed Jude.

Jude reached up with one hand, pushed his fingers through hair still damp from Zero’s shower at the Arena, and returned the kiss. When Zero pulled away, Jude said, “How was your day, dear?”

Zero grinned. “Good. How was your day?”

Jude hesitated for only a moment before responding, but it was enough for Zero. “Good,” Jude said, though with less enthusiasm than Zero had used. “I went to the dry cleaners and stopped by my apartment for some more clothes to fill my drawers.”

Zero looked pleased at that. He dropped his duffel on the floor beside the couch and squeezed in between Jude and the arm. Jude shifted to lean against Zero, and Zero’s arms went around him.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Zero said into Jude’s hair.

“We need to talk about logistics,” Jude said, feeling Zero stiffen and then relax against him.

“Logistics?” Zero said.

Jude released the pillow he’d been hugging and showed it to Zero. “My mom made this for me when I got my own apartment.” Jude traced the letters with his finger. “But I don’t know if my apartment is home anymore.”

“Jude,” Zero said, his hand sliding down to Jude’s hip.

“I moved in here to help with Emily,” Jude said. “Now that she’s gone, so is my ‘excuse’ for being here. Am I supposed to leave?” he said. “Are we supposed to take turns staying at each other’s place?”

Zero made a disgruntled sound. “I like having you around all the time.”

“I like _being_ around all the time,” Jude said, “but isn’t that dangerous? If we’re keeping our relationship on the down low?”

“I know that’s not what you want . . . ,” Zero began.

Jude pressed two fingers to Zero’s mouth and stopped him. “It’s not what I want for the long-term, but it’s what you need for the short-term, so I’m okay with it.”

Zero looked at Jude for a long moment that made Jude squirm before saying, “I love you.”

Jude smiled. “I love you, too. Stupid.”

Zero laughed and kissed Jude. “I’m okay with whatever we decide, like, wherever you want us to stay, so long as we plan on being there together. I mean, I stayed at your place practically every night and no one noticed.”

“Okay,” Jude said, relief flooding him like helium and making him feel lighter. “Well, pros and cons, this place has an extra bedroom if anyone finds out down the road and we have to pretend we’re just roommates,” he said, though the words left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Your place has the sentimental edge,” Zero said.

“It’s also smaller,” Jude said.

“More intimate,” Zero counters.

“It doesn’t have your weight room or your large shower,” Jude said.

Zero smirked. “That just means we have to be more inventive.”

Jude shook his head fondly. “If we’re going to do it, your place makes more sense. Especially since it has better security. Or is supposed to,” he added dryly. “I just need to bring some things over, but I don’t think it’ll be hard to find room for them here.”

“Like your pillow,” Zero said.

“Like my pillow,” Jude agreed, then stretched out his arm and set the pillow in the corner at the other end of the couch. “And my bed,” Jude added.

“I like that bed,” Zero said. He pushed Jude down against the pillow and kissed him again.

~*~

By the time they got cleaned up and fixed their clothes, Jude and Zero were both hungry.

“I’ll cut up the vegetables for the salad while you order the pizza,” Jude said.

“Salad?” Zero said as he reached for the take-out menu from his favorite pizza place, distaste evident in his voice.

“I’m eating it, too,” Jude said as he got out the cutting board and chose a knife.

“You like salad,” Zero said absently, his gaze on the menu.

“It’s good for you,” Jude countered.

“I had a gross green smoothie this morning,” Zero said.

“I thought your body was a temple,” Jude said wryly.

Zero leered at Jude. “You gonna worship it?”

“Sure,” Jude said. “When you beat Derek at sprints.”

“I beat him!” Zero said. At Jude’s look, he added, “Barely, but still.”

“You need to do better than ‘barely’,” Jude said. “You need to run circles around him. Because Derek Roman is not going to be MVP this season.”

“You are so hot to me right now,” Zero said. He dropped the menu on the counter and draped himself over Jude’s back, slipped his arms around Jude’s middle, and pressed his lips to Jude’s neck.

Jude shivered as Zero let his teeth graze skin. He set the knife down and tipped his head back. “You’re going to be top dog this season.”

“Keep talking dirty to me,” Zero said, which caused a laugh to burst out of Jude.

Zero groaned. “If I could get it up again right now, I’d do you right here,” he said, voice rough.

“Do me?” Jude said. “You’re such a romantic.”

“Shut up,” Zero said. “I’m thinking about bending you over this counter.”

Jude patted Zero’s hand. “Maybe when I’m doing the dishes.”

Zero sighed. “You’re ruining the mood.”

“There was a mood?”

“Yes, and you’re ruining it.” Zero nuzzled Jude’s neck.

“I thought your inability to get it up again so soon was ruining the mood,” Jude said.

“Way to hit a man when he’s down,” Zero said, followed by a moment when neither of them spoke while they considered that comment.

Zero snorted and Jude giggled.

“Don’t worry, sweetie.” Jude spoke between giggles and turned in Zero’s hold. He placed his hand against Zero’s cheek. “I’m sure it’s only temporary.”

Zero growled and snapped his teeth at Jude’s thumb. Jude squeaked, then said, “Lionel told me that Derek’s refusing to sign a contract.”

“He’s waiting to see what’s going to happen with Terrence,” Zero said.

Jude nodded. “I knew you were smart. He’s not endearing himself to the owners.”

“And you think I have?” Zero said.

“Lionel loves you . . .”

“Lionel tolerates me because _you_ love me,” Zero corrected.

Jude hummed and kissed Zero. “And Marcus thinks you can do no wrong.”

Zero snorted.

“You are not going to cause them any problems this season. In fact,” Jude said, warming up to his topic, “you are going to be a problem solver. You are going to be the person people go to when _they_ have a problem.”

“What?”

“Cultivate your teammates so they have your back when Derek tries to stir shit up,” Jude said.

“Ugh,” Zero said.

Jude patted Zero’s back and let him retreat to contemplate that while Jude returned to the cutting board. Zero ordered the pizza, then got out two beers. He set one opened bottle at Jude’s elbow before sitting at the island to watch him chop.

When Jude set a bowl in front of Zero, he looked at the salad with surprise. Jude had shaved a carrot and sliced up a zucchini instead of a cucumber, and all of the three types of lettuce and topping veggies were fresh from the Farmer’s Market. “What’s wrong?”

Zero shrugged. “Nothing. It looks good.”

“You don’t need to look so surprised,” Jude said, sliding onto the stool next to Zero’s.

“Nothing you do surprises me,” Zero said.

When the pizza came, they moved to the living room and ate with ESPN in the background. Jude set his empty plate on the coffee table and leaned into Zero, stealing some of his warmth. He stared unseeing at the television screen.

Zero leaned forward to set his own plate on top of Jude’s, careful not to dislodge Jude too much. He raised his arm and tucked Jude along his side. They sat in silence for a few minutes, but Zero finally said, “What else didn’t you tell me?”

Jude sighed. He should’ve known he couldn’t keep anything from Zero. “How do you always know?”

“I know you,” Zero said easily.

“I went to Sally’s this morning,” Jude admitted. “I saw Emily.” He was afraid to look at Zero, but forced himself to.

Zero gave Jude a disappointed look and shook his head. “I don’t know whether to scold you for doing that to yourself, or for going without me.”

Jude gave a little laugh that turned into a sob. “I’m sorry.”

Zero pulled Jude closer and Jude slipped his arm around Zero’s waist, buried his face against Zero’s chest.

“This is why I don’t – didn’t – do relationships,” Zero said absently. “Because things get messy when emotions are involved.”

“I thought it was so you didn’t have to have _those_ conversations,” Jude said.

Zero gave Jude a squeeze to let him know he’d heard him, but was ignoring him. “When emotions are involved, people get hurt.”

Jude hummed in reply. “Sometimes things are brighter, too.” He raised his head and looked at Zero. “Aren’t they?”

Zero rubbed his hand over Jude’s back, studied his face. “Yes.”

Jude managed a weak smile. “Do you wish we’d never met her?”

Zero got a faraway look in his eyes, and then he shook his head. “No.”

Jude shifted and got more comfortable against Zero. “She brought us back together,” he said with a self-satisfied tone.

“Yes,” Zero agreed. He pressed his lips to the top of Jude’s head. “Are you still team Zero?”

Jude slid his fingers beneath the hem of Zero’s t-shirt, touched warm skin. “Abso-fucking-lutely,” he said softly.

~*~

Jude was back at the Arena on Tuesday because Zero had a photoshoot for Nike. He’d spent Monday reviewing Zero’s file, including endorsement contracts and schedule. Now that the season was about to open again, Zero’s face was going to be plastered everywhere.

Jude shoved his hands into the front pockets of his slacks as he watched the photographer confer with the Nike rep over how they wanted Zero to pose. He didn’t bother attempting to hide his sense of satisfaction. He’d helped Zero get here. Jude was aware that Zero could’ve done it on his own, could’ve done it with another agent, but he hadn’t wanted to. From the moment they’d met, they’d been a team.

Jude had no idea it would lead _here_ , with him and Zero in a relationship, with him making plans to move into Zero’s place. There’d been some rough patches, but Jude wouldn’t change a thing, because everything they’d done, everything they’d gone through, had brought them to this moment.

Jude’s musings were interrupted by Lionel stepping up to his side. “Ogling your boy?”

“I’m not . . . ,” Jude started reflexively, then realized the trap Lionel had set. Jude decided not to deny that Zero was his ‘boy’. “I wasn’t ogling,” Jude said, finishing his thought. “And Zero is very much a man, thank you.”

“If you say so,” Lionel said.

Zero glanced over at them just then, and warmth spread through Jude. “I do,” he said.

“I think I just got a cavity,” Lionel said.

Jude gave Lionel a look, but didn’t apologize for his sappiness. There were very few people he could be sappy over Zero in front of, so she was just going to have to deal.

“I need to see you when you’re done here,” Lionel said.

Jude frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Lionel said, and though Jude couldn’t read her, he didn’t think Lionel would lie to him. “Bring your boy, I need to talk to both of you.”

Zero gave Jude a look after Lionel left. Jude shrugged and gave him a thumbs up, but he couldn’t stop wondering what Lionel wanted. Not even the proofs of Zero’s shoot could distract him from the niggling worry.

Jude shook hands with the photographer and the Nike rep, and walked with Zero to the locker room. He waited until they were alone in the tunnel to speak. “Lionel wants to see us.”

“About what?” Zero said unconcerned, still high from the shoot.

“I don’t know,” Jude said.

Zero caught on to Jude’s mood. “Don’t worry about it.” At Jude’s exasperated look, Zero said, “It’s Lionel.”

Jude paced while Zero changed. Zero grabbed Jude’s arm on the next pass. Jude stopped in front of him and watched Zero tug on the hem of the shirt he’d just pulled on. “It’ll be fine,” Zero said.

“You don’t know that,” Jude said.

Zero zipped his duffel. “You worry too much.”

“Do you even know me?” Jude said.

Zero smiled and touched Jude’s back. It could’ve looked like they were just friends, but Jude knew differently and warmth spread through him from each point of contact. “It’s why I love you,” Zero said, the words spoken low so no one could overhear them.

Zero dropped his hand, slung the duffel over his shoulder, and headed for the door. He looked at Jude over his shoulder. “Don’t we have a meeting with Lionel?”

Jude hid his smile and shook his head. He followed Zero out of the locker room. Side-by-side they navigated the bowels of the Arena to Lionel’s office. They passed Marcus, who was talking on his phone, but he offered them a nod and wave in greeting.

The door to Lionel’s office stood open, and Jude poked his head in. “You ready for us?”

Lionel glanced up from her laptop screen. “Yes. Please, come in. Shut the door behind you,” she directed to Zero, who’d followed Jude into her office.

Lionel stood, smoothed her skirt, and walked around the desk. She gestured them to the two chairs in front of it, and leaned against the edge. “I’ll get right to the point,” Lionel said. “We want to renegotiate Zero’s contract.”

“What?” Jude snapped. He and Zero shared shocked looks. “Why? And hell no!”

“Before you get your panties in a twist,” Lionel said dryly. She reached behind her and produced a sheet of paper. “Perhaps you’d like to review our terms.”

Jude took the paper, skimmed the list of suggested amendments, then had to read them again, more slowly and carefully. He handed the sheet to Zero and gave him a stunned look, then turned his attention back to Lionel.

“Lionel, what are you doing?” Jude hissed.

“Making sure we lock down one of our best players,” Lionel said, as if the terms she was offering Zero were no big deal. Her eyes though, told Jude that she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Lionel,” Jude said again, at a loss for words. He looked at Zero’s face, his expression just as stunned as Jude’s, then took the paper out of Zero’s fingers and waved it in front of Lionel. “You’re extending his contract, giving him more money . . .”

“Incrementally,” Lionel pointed out.

Jude glared at Lionel and continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “. . . inserting a no-trade clause, and making him Captain!”

Lionel smiled to herself. “I thought that was a nice touch.”

“Lionel,” Jude said again. “Can you even do this?”

“I’ve got backing on the board,” Lionel said easily.

“Really?” Jude said. “Because you’re giving away the house here.”

“Shouldn’t you be happier about this?” Lionel said.

“I would be if it didn’t sound too fucking good to be true!” Jude practically yelled. “You do not,” he started, then had to take a breath. “You do not get my hopes up over something like this.”

Lionel straightened and stopped looking so pleased with herself. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Jude. This offer is legit, I swear.”

Jude looked at the paper again, as if the words might’ve disappeared off the page, or changed when he’d looked away. “Who’s backing you?” Jude said.

“Marcus Douglas,” Lionel said.

Jude snorted. “I knew Marcus had a thing for Zero, but not this much of a thing.” He waved the paper.

“Marcus and I have a separate agreement,” Lionel said.

“So this is all your idea?” Zero said.

Lionel shrugged.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch,” Lionel told Zero. “You may not believe it, but this new contract would benefit me as much as it does you.”

“How?” Jude said.

Lionel moved back around the desk, but didn’t sit. She picked up a pen, dropped it. “Derek still refuses to sign with us,” Lionel said.

“And this is supposed to bring him in line?”

“This,” Lionel said, “is supposed to show him that he can’t jerk me around, and that if he won’t sign, we’ll find ourselves another golden boy. Also,” Lionel went on, “I have an idea who is talking to the League about a forced sale.”

“What?” Jude said. “You never told me about a forced sale. Who?”

Lionel smiled like the cat who got the canary. “Who do you know who would be most . . . inconvenienced by Zero having a no-trade clause in his contract?” Lionel said.

There was a moment of silence, then Jude and Zero both said, “Jelena?”

Lionel’s shark smile said that they’d gotten it right. Now Jude knew why there’d also been a clause about not being able to bench Zero without cause.

“Jelena wants to buy the Devils?” Zero said.

“Apparently,” Lionel said.

“Where is she getting the money?” Jude said.

“I have my suspicions,” Lionel said.

“Terrence,” Zero said. “He’s already planning on what happens when his career ends, as it might this season.”

“Makes sense,” Jude said. “Why, though?”

“She still plans on running this town,” Zero said. “Her and Terrence. If they can’t do it as Devil Girls dancer and Devils player, they’ll do it as Devils owners.”

“We’re going to make sure that doesn’t happen. The three of us . . .” Lionel indicated each of them with her finger. “. . . are going to run this town. Though not in a weird sexual way.”

Zero snorted and Jude blushed.

“Okay,” Jude said, trying to take in everything he’d just learned. There was one person they hadn’t talked about yet. “What’s in it for Marcus?”

“Nothing that affects either of you,” Lionel assured them. “And it was a price I was very willing to pay. Also not in a weird sexual way.”

“That’s an image I didn’t need,” Jude said.

Lionel gave Jude a look, but merely said, “Well, what do you say?”

“I need a moment to confer with my client,” Jude said.

Lionel rolled her eyes. “I’ll be right outside.”

Jude waited for the door to close behind Lionel before he even trusted himself to look at Zero. “What do you think?”

“What do _I_ think? What do you think?”

Jude twisted in the chair so he was facing Zero. “We won’t have to worry about you being traded,” he said as if he couldn’t believe their luck. “Lionel did that for us. Mostly us,” he amended at Zero’s snort, and they both smiled.

Jude took Zero’s hand in his. “I don’t know how Lionel got Marcus to back these _very_ generous terms, but . . . when news of this breaks, you are going to be in all the headlines.”

“ _We_ will be,” Zero said. His thumb stroked the back of Jude’s hand. “I couldn’t have done it without my main number one guy.”

Jude smiled and took the chance to lean closer and press a quick kiss to Zero’s lips. “This still feels too good to be true,” he said, “but for some reason knowing that Lionel and Marcus are both working their own angles makes me feel better. What do you think?”

“I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see Derek’s reaction when he hears the news,” Zero said.

Jude huffed a little laugh, then played with the paper. “You’d be locked in with the Devils. For a long time,” he added.

“I like the idea of being locked in with the Devils for a long time,” Zero replied.

“Yeah?”

“Of course, stupid,” Zero said, leaning in to kiss Jude. “Maybe we could look for a house to buy, someplace that’s ours.”

Jude’s heart leapt, and he had to swallow hard before he could speak. “Yeah.”

Zero smiled, and then they drew apart when a knock sounded a the door. Lionel poked her head in. “Are you two done talking yet?”

“Yes,” Jude said. “Thank you. You can come back in.”

Lionel pushed the door open and entered, Marcus right behind her. Jude and Zero both rose to their feet.

“Marcus,” Jude said, “hello.”

“Jude, Zero,” Marcus said, shaking both their hands. “It’s a pleasure to see you both. Lionel tells me she went over our proposal with you.”

“She did,” Jude said with a glance at Lionel, who’d moved behind the desk and retaken her seat.

“What do you think?” Marcus said.

“I think the terms are very generous,” Jude said, fingers flexing on the paper he still held. “Almost too generous. I’d feel better if I knew what you were getting out of this.”

Marcus looked surprised. “Lionel didn’t tell you?”

Lionel shrugged when all eyes turned to her. “Not my place to tell. Yet.”

Marcus tipped his head in acknowledgment. “You’ll both find out soon enough, but for now both of these deals need to stay under wraps until they’re announced.”

“Agreed,” Jude said, and Zero gave his assent as well.

“The Devils organization has been without a functioning EVP of Business Operations for too long,” Marcus said. “You’re looking at the new one.”

“Congratulations,” Jude said, his mind racing. He wondered if it had been Marcus’s idea, or whether Lionel had maneuvered him into it. With Marcus in the role of EVP, he’d have a vested interest in keeping the Devils out of Jelena’s hands.

“Thank you,” Marcus said. “But back to Zero.”

Marcus’s gaze moved to Zero, who gave him one of his public smiles, though Jude could see traces of the real Zero sneaking in around the edges.

“Jude told me I’d love L.A., and he was right. It’d be a pleasure and an honor to remain a Devil for the rest of my career.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that,” Marcus said. He shook both their hands again.

Lionel picked up a file from the top of her desk. “These contracts won’t be leaving this office until they’re signed, so if you need to call your boss, do so now.”

Jude, now a full-fledged agent, did not need to call Jacobs, but he did take a few minutes to review the contract in its entirety before he let Zero sign it. Once the contract had Lionel’s and Marcus’s signatures as well, Jude let out a deep breath. He still couldn’t believe this was happening.

Jude got one original for Zero, of which he would make a copy for the agency, and Lionel kept the other. The four of them shook hands all around.

“We’ll make the announcement tomorrow at nine,” Lionel said, “so make sure you wear a suit to morning practice.”

Zero nodded his agreement, and then Lionel turned to Jude with a questioning quirk of her eyebrows.

“I’ll be here,” Jude assured her.

“Good,” Lionel said. “We’ll see you both tomorrow, then.”

Jude knew a dismissal when he heard one. He and Zero left the office, the contract folded and tucked securely into an inside pocket of Jude’s jacket. They didn’t speak until they were outside and away from the Arena.

“Jesus,” Zero said.

Jude laughed. There was a spring in his step and he couldn’t help but think that anyone who saw them would know something was up.

“Home?” Zero said.

Jude’s, “Yes!” was heartfelt.

“One car?”

“Absolutely.” Jude hoped Zero was going to drive because he didn’t know if he could. He retrieved his briefcase and slid into the passenger seat of the red Porsche.

“I need to call Jacobs,” Jude said, breathless.

Jude pulled up the contact as Zero pointed the car towards the exit. He told Jacobs everything that had transpired at their meeting with Lionel, except for Lionel’s reasons and the deal with Marcus. “They’re going to make the announcement tomorrow morning.”

Jacobs congratulated Jude on the contract, then said, “Go out and celebrate.”

Jude blushed and was glad Jacobs couldn’t see it. “Yes,” he said, “we’re going to celebrate.”

Zero smirked and slid his hand up the inside of Jude’s thigh. “Celebrate?” he said after Jude ended the call.

“Fuck yes,” Jude said, letting his legs fall open.

“I think I can handle that,” Zero said, moving his hand higher.

“Eyes on the road,” Jude said even as he lifted his hips and pushed into Zero’s hand.

Zero chuckled and squeezed. Jude groaned and covered Zero’s hand with his own.

Zero was staying in L.A. long-term, and he’d suggested getting a place together. Buying. Settling down. It was almost too much for Jude’s brain to process. He’d think about it later, tomorrow maybe. First they had to celebrate.

“Team Zero for the win,” Jude said.

Zero’s answering laugh slid through him like warm honey and curled around the base of his spine.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Zero said.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:
> 
> 1\. Yes, you read that right, this is part one in the Accidental Baby series. I seem to have a problem writing Jude/Zero one-shots, so not only did this story turn into 50,000 words, I've already got a follow-up planned (though not yet in the works). \o/
> 
> 2\. Lionel bought the [Baby Einstein Nautical Friends Play Gym](https://m.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=41673756&cp=2255957.2273443.68241026.3670997&parentPage=family) for Emily.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> 3\. I’m using this as my vision of the VIP section: [The Warriors’ Mezzanine Club](http://www.nba.com/warriors/tickets/mezzanine_club_main_0607.html).
> 
>  

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [more of us (Art)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762509) by [MistressKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressKat/pseuds/MistressKat)




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